Will of chaos

Author: The previous chapter was released incorrectly and I’m unable to correct it, so I’ve released this one as the correct version.

My apologies to everyone.

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Pov Urak:

I was at my limit, each new scenario was a completely new torture, the guilt only increased, the sadness seemed to drown my soul, depression wanted to cloud my mind, and the pain was constant, a pain so deep that I didn’t know where it was coming from.

I saw women striving beyond their limits to save their children from impossible situations, I saw women smiling at their children who had incurable diseases while inside them only the pain of hopelessness existed, I saw women using their own flesh to feed their children so they could survive just one more day.

Not all of them were blood children; in some cases, they were of different races, they could be nephews and sometimes even an adopted child. I didn’t know how this information came to me, but I experienced the thoughts, emotions, and sensations of each of these women, I felt their suffering, the anxiety each one felt, and the overwhelming despair.

All of this only made me realize how broken I was. While all these women sacrificed themselves for those they loved most, I did the opposite. It was always 89 whom I sacrificed, I used him to create the Universal Cores, I used him to create the Flow of Laws, I used him to gain power more than once.

I could say a thousand exceptions about how I’m doing all this for him, so that he could return to normal, but in the end, what sacrifice did I make?

I lost nothing, except him…

I suffered solely because of him without ever trying to make him comfortable…

I don’t even remember if I ever tried to talk to him. I could have easily created a telepathic device or used other techniques, but I didn’t do any of that.

All I showed him was pain and suffering; there isn’t a single memory of him in my mind where my hands aren’t stained with his blood. The more I saw of those mothers who did far more than their limits allowed, and compared myself to them, realizing I hadn’t even come close to the minimum, I felt only pain pulsating within me.

It was in this cycle of torment that she appeared. Urd had always been an enemy; before, I thought it was just normal since she was a Goddess. We all saw her as an enemy back then, but now I see how I was the most determined to hunt her down.

Urd was similar to me; I didn’t consciously notice it, but now, thinking about it, it was always obvious—the tone of her voice, her behavior, and even her aura carried a certain similarity if you looked closely.

But she was so much more than I could ever be. Her love and affection were repugnant to me, because those were emotions I was incapable of showing. I envied her; from that envy, my hatred was born, and that’s why when I learned that 89 had been saved by her, I felt devastated.

Therefore, when Urd arrived amidst yet another painful scenario for me, I was ready to attack, just waiting for an excuse to strike her.

I thought I would be more irritated with her here, but now it was worse than anything I had imagined. The scene shattered, changing again in the surroundings, and what I saw was horrible.

Everyone’s struggles were insignificant to me; what destroyed me was realizing the state of the universe in the central sector, which was a restricted zone where the Universal Cores were located, and which clearly was no longer functioning due to all those cracks in space.

That’s when the true terror began, with Urd summoning my boy, 89. He appeared already being pulled into her ritual, his body drained of its essence to gather power from reality, his soul used as an anchor for the Flow of Laws, and his own Myriad of Laws used to reverse the universal collapse.

He could have resisted, but he didn’t. Even when he was near his limit and she wanted to stop, he didn’t allow it and pushed himself beyond his limits to continue.

“NOOOOOO!!!!” (me)

“(Why!? Why!? Why!?)” (me)

Tears

Crack Crack Crack

“(Why are you so good!!!!??)” (me)

He spent millions of years in agony and pain, an existence always used in experiments, I never showed him affection, thinking it was a waste of time that I could invest in research to save him, so he never knew anything good.

That’s why I couldn’t understand how someone who went through such eternal torment could have such a pure personality, it only makes it hurt more, the guilt, I can’t bear it anymore to the point that I didn’t even see when that bitch Goddess disappeared!

“Someone so pure… so good…” (me)

“What have I done…?” (me)

“WHAT HAVE I DONE….!!??” (me)

HHHAAAAAAAA!!!!

The world was breaking around me, but my eyes were only fixed on his weak figure, his thin body and fragile aura, yet his eyes were so clear.

So pure and so good, my actions stained his purity with blood and screams for millions of years, my desire to protect him was a joke, my desire to save him was a curse on his existence.

I was always the one to blame for his suffering, I was the one to blame for his pain, I was the one who threw him into this vast torment for millions of years.

I have no right to care about him…

I have no right to blame others…

I have no right to hug him…

I have no right to love him…

My inner world shattered, my emotions drown me, my mind can no longer think, it was just pain, pain and more pain.

Endless guilt, eternal sadness, a despair that consumes everything until nothing remains.

“I shouldn’t exist…” (me)

“Why am I here…?” (me)

“Where am I going…?” (me)

“I should die!” (I)

Soon nothing remained, everything shattered, everything faded away, there were no more thoughts, there was nothing left, only increasingly violent emotions that drowned the remnants of a woman who had nothing.

Amidst the darkness and the emptiness of solitude, the pain never stopped, the pain only increased, and I knew I deserved this pain, I deserved even more pain, but I didn’t know why, I didn’t think about anything either.

This lasted for an indeterminate time, it could have been seconds or thousands of years, it didn’t matter, the only important thing was that suddenly the darkness was illuminated by a silver ring that appeared far away.

From this silver ring emerged an encapsulated figure, from which a feminine voice that changed with each word in different voices began to speak.

“Do you know who you are…?” (???)

“I don’t think so, a deplorable situation.” (????)

“Interesting, your Will still remains, normally it would be the first to break, this is wonderful.” (????)

From this figure emerged silver bandages that floated everywhere as if searching for something, but that hooded figure came closer to me, extending a hand covered in silver bandages.

“I can’t let you go, so I will take you to him, what was broken will be remade and your deepest Will will be fulfilled~.” (????)

I didn’t understand anything, I didn’t know anything, all I felt was pain and more pain, I deserved this pain, I didn’t know why I deserved it, but I still surrendered to that pain.

Amidst the cycle of pain, sadness and solitude in this endless void, the hooded woman lifted several fragments with her bandages, and I too was lifted by one of those bandages. I don’t know how long I ascended before the emptiness of the darkness was illuminated by multiple points of light, and at some point those bandages had disappeared.

I still didn’t understand or care, I just continued as always while moving forward and soon stopped ascending, I was floating and a scenery unfolded above me, multiple planets, it was beautiful to see and yet I felt nothing but sadness, pain and loneliness.

Suddenly someone appeared, their body was enormous and emanated a strange pressure, their eyes of different colors shone brighter than the stars and when their hands came down towards me it was as if something inside me awakened.

“(Who is he…?)” (me)

“(Who am I…?)” (me)

“(Where am I…?)” (me)

I knew nothing, I understood nothing, from the emotions that previously consumed everything, thoughts arose and behind those previously quiet thoughts something more emerged that I didn’t understand.

That great person extended their hands and put the pieces together, with each piece together, memories emerge, emotions are completed, the mind organizes itself, step by step I begin to understand that I am as I was, this time from an outside point of view.

“(What did I do…!?)” (me)

Soon I understood the reason for the sadness, I understood why I deserved this pain, all the loneliness I felt was the lack of just one being, I didn’t deserve to have him near me, but I wanted him in my arms more than anything.

When I recovered everything I am, I suddenly saw, in the large hand, a fragment of light, that fragment of light was everything in my vision, obscuring the planets above, hiding the great being and even illuminating more than the stars around me.

This fragment, when placed before me, was like a revelation, it was him, it was the one I wanted most, a memory of his first day before the experiments, before all the pain and guilt. My hands moved on their own, tears streamed from my eyes without ceasing, as he was in my arms, as pure as the day I created him. Something within me awakened, something ancient that burned away all other emotions and drowned out all other thoughts, a memory of few words that rose above all others as if it were a celestial decree for all existence, which I now repeat once more.

“< I will protect him! >” (me)

Suddenly I felt complete, the pain no longer mattered, the sadness no longer mattered, the loneliness was irrelevant, and only this will existed. I couldn’t save him because of this guilt, but I wouldn’t stray anymore. If I couldn’t save him, then I would protect him from everything and anything. I would be an insurmountable wall and I would be the chains that condemn everything.

“Finally realized?” (????)

“Who are you!?” (me)

“I am Paradox, you have always known who I am, and today I show you who you are, just as I show you who gave you this opportunity.” (Paradox)

“…” (me)

In the midst of the light, the colossal figure suddenly illuminated. It was a young man I hated almost as much as I hated myself, but I also thanked him for being the turning point that saved what I cherished most.

“Zenos…” (me)

“Now tell me, who will you choose to be~?” (Paradox)

“What is your purpose~!” (Paradox)

Inside me, everything transformed, but I remained standing, and my words were an unwavering declaration to all beings!

“I AM THE GUARDIAN!!!” (me)