Will of chaos

Chapter 1930: Cap 1926: Hello… Mom?

Pov Urak:

“Congratulations, you’ve become incomparably worse than our parents.” (me?)

“The child no longer existed in your eyes; only the masterpiece you helped create existed, so insensitive to the feelings within you that you fled from them, burying them in piles and piles of logical reasons to justify what you would have previously condemned.” (me?)

“It was too late to change; I accepted who I am.” (me)

“A MONSTER!? AN ABERRATION!?” (me?)

“AN ASCENDANT! ABOVE THE GODS! ABOVE ESSENCE! ABOVE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE!” (me)

“There was no going back from everything that had happened; moving forward and creating something wonderful would be the only acceptable outcome.” (me)

“WHAT DIFFERENCE WOULD IT MAKE!? WHY WORRY ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THAT WHEN YOU’VE NEVER BOTHERED ABOUT GOVERNING ANYTHING!!!???” (me?)

“COME ON! SAY IT! WE BOTH KNOW THE ANSWER!!” (me?)

“…” (me)

“TALK NOW!!!” (me?)

“I needed a result to prove that everything we did was worth it… something to show that the price paid, the experiments, and the cold cruelty with which we treated everything was the right path… I needed a perfect and eternal universe…” (me)

When I finished speaking, I was facing a mirror, chained, my body marred by the metal, my face stained with tears of blood that were already forming a puddle beneath me.

“Was it worth it?” (reflection)

“…” (me)

“Even if what was done in your original universe could be accepted as necessary in light of the approaching end.” (reflection)

“What was done afterward, with the universal invasions and the devastation that followed, was not justifiable.” (reflection)

“I did everything I could…” (me)

“Then why are you crying now? Why are you trembling?” (reflection)

“Mavor was killed by Vecna… meanwhile, he himself is nearing the end… his universe being taken over by an Entity… imprisoned by his enemies…” (reflection)

“Was this the outcome you wanted…?” (reflection)

“No…” (me)

My mind couldn’t focus, I couldn’t reason, emotions kept surging, images of my childhood, from the days before the Ascendant project to the days of the experiment on No. 89, flashed through my mind.

For some reason, it was as if I were seeing everything from a different perspective, as if my emotions in those moments were exploding like bombs.

So much loneliness, sadness, anger, and neediness that it’s sickening to admit that this was me in the past, as well as now.

“I… I won’t… I won’t fall…” (me)

“That’s funny, you still think all of this was done by them? You’ve studied mental techniques, magic, and curses for so long; it should be easy to understand the effect on yourself.” (reflection)

“I…” (I)

Before I could speak, the world seemed to become translucent, and a desert revealed itself. In this desert, there were only two living beings: a dark-skinned woman holding the second person, a baby.

I wanted to speak, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t even move my body or close my eyes. I could only watch as the woman’s emotions and thoughts flooded me.

It frightened me deeply, but there was no way to avoid it. I knew this wasn’t real, and yet one day it was real. This was a moment in this woman’s life that happened somewhere.

I was certain of this, and I knew it was just another effect of what they’d done to me. I also finally understood what they wanted to do: the past they’d shown me before, to shatter everything I believed in, and now this, rubbing the sincere emotions of others in my face.

Just as I’d imagined, the woman’s emotions overtook mine. Hers was an endless worry for the child in her arms, a persistent fear that she might not be able to protect the child, an endless determination not to stop walking until she reached her destination, and a love so great that she ignored all her limits.

That’s when I took a closer look at the condition of the woman and child. The woman was injured and emaciated, her skin dry from the scorching desert heat, her trembling arms clutching the baby tightly as if she wasn’t sure she could lift him again if he loosened his grip for even a moment.

The child was equally emaciated, and they were both breathing heavily, but the woman continued walking through the desert. Her worn shoes didn’t protect her feet, which bled with every step. They were both clearly hungry, and even though she was weak, the woman bit her finger, squeezing a few drops of her blood so the child could eat and hydrate herself, even if only a little.

This shook me, because I saw that even in such a deplorable state, the woman’s eyes were as determined as those of warriors who serve the Entity of War, an unshakable determination I knew I didn’t possess.

Suddenly, the world—the frail, weak woman—passed by me, still holding the child. She couldn’t see me, only a memory of the past, but her Aura was overwhelming, even though I knew she was so weak that only a breeze could knock her over. Her Aura alone was like that of a general on the front lines who didn’t look back as he advanced.

Then everything vanished.

I was once again in that dark place, chained before a mirror that only reflected me in this endless void. The reflection might have my appearance, but it didn’t reflect my actions. The reflection was smiling at me while I myself was in shock at what I was feeling. For a moment, I couldn’t differentiate between my emotions and that woman’s.

“…” (me)

“You understand now…” (reflection)

“…” (me)

“That was a mother protecting her child even in the face of an impossible situation where every breath of survival was wrung out with a hard fight.” (reflection)

“Why show me this…!” (me)

“Why do you have this inside you?” (reflection)

“No, I’ve never felt anything like this before!” (me)

“Don’t try to confuse me. I know who I am. I know my arrogance and selfishness, and I accept them!” (me)

I’ve never doubted who I am. I’m perfect above all else, an Ascendant superior to the Gods, a beauty beyond any woman. My arrogance and selfishness are proof of the superiority of those at the top, regardless of whether others consider it a flaw. It didn’t matter to me.

“It seems you’re deceiving yourself.” (reflection)

The reflection smiled predatorily as its smile spread across its face until it reached its ears. It was as if it had fallen into its trap and the reflection was waiting for those words to act.

“All living beings have emotions and instincts, all are equal in that sense, and you were no different in the past, just as you are no different now.” (reflection)

As the reflection spoke, the chains binding the reflection broke as its body returned to its peak state. My beautiful appearance as an Ascendant with four wings on its back was exceptionally beautiful, yet that disturbing smile remained on its face.

Beside her, two versions of me appear: the little child still carrying a book in her arms and the young woman who only thought about her successful career, both still crying black tears.

“You felt lonely because of the distance from Mom and Dad…” (Urak Child?)

“You felt regret for giving up your first child.” (Urak Young?)

“You closed your heart, afraid to feel anything else, locked those emotions beneath mountains of logic, but you couldn’t completely lock them away.” (reflection)

The mirror landscape changed. It no longer reflected the darkness where I stood; it was now a highly advanced technological laboratory. Behind my three versions of existence, a large observation window held a giant, distorted mass of flesh. It was a grotesque sphere that pulsed and twisted like a disgusting existence.

Just looking at it made my heart skip a beat. It was as if my mind cleared for a moment, recognizing what it was and where it was.

“You created him to replace the child you gave up, a child born of you and Vecna, perfect in your eyes.” (Child Urak?)

“You tried to suppress your emotions, to deceive yourself with delusions of power, but of all three, it was only you who came most often to see No. 89.” (Young Urak?) ᴛʜs ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛʀ s ᴜᴘᴅᴀᴛ ʙʏ novel(ꜰ)ire.net

“You performed many experiments on him, but even so, you were the one who came up with the idea of ​​building this laboratory exclusively for him.” (Young Urak?)

“He was useful, the Flow of Laws…” (me)

“It was something you created and anchored in him, you made him useful. Among all the experiments, only he still exists. Why?” (reflection)

“Tell me, why did he still exist even though he was a risk?” (reflection)

“Even when he was taken, you were the first to realize…” (reflection)

“You loved him, you always loved him. He was more than your masterpiece, he was more than your conquest, he was your son…” (reflection)

“…” (me)

I wanted to deny it all, I didn’t want to admit it, I didn’t want to accept it. My head was pounding, my heart was racing, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think, and I couldn’t calm down either.

And that was when that voice appeared, as if shaking my entire existence.

“Hello… Mom?” (???)