Will of chaos

Pov Urak:

“Hello… Mom?” (???)

“Looks like someone’s here early…” (reflection)

Reconstructing the mirror’s reflection, an image of the outside appeared, and my eyes fluttered open.

The door to this place was open as someone entered. I could still see the Chaos Bringer and that damned Goddess walking behind them as they entered.

My entire focus was on him: his brown hair, his thin body in a gray lab coat, and his pale skin. Everything was so similar to him. His face, especially, reminded me so much of Vecna. Perhaps that’s why I recognized him when I was captured.

I couldn’t help but look at him, and in that moment, it was as if all the emotions I’d previously tried to deny or control now exploded at once. My whole body trembled as tears fell uncontrollably, tears of blood streaming down my face to the floor as I struggled to lift my head without realizing it.

“I… I need…” (me)

“You didn’t expect this to be real, did you?” (Reflection)

Suddenly everything froze in place, a version of me stepped out from behind the door as if there were a secret passage there.

This version of me was the exact same Reflection I was seeing inside my mind. I wasn’t really awake, it was messing with my head.

For some reason, it wasn’t anger I felt when I realized I’d been tricked; that wasn’t the emotion I was feeling; it was relief. I was relieved not to see him there.

This made me fall into a daze. Where was this relief coming from?

Why didn’t I want to see Experiment 89?

Why was I overcome by panic so immediately after hearing him call me Mother?

Why can’t I stop thinking about all this while I’m crying?

“Don’t you understand? What a joke!” (reflection)

“…” (me)

“Are you still in denial even now, or are you simply so emotionally incompetent that you truly don’t understand!?” (reflection)

Crack

Crack! Crack!

Shatter!!

Suddenly, the reflection crouches in front of me and places its hand on the mirror that divides us. From its hand, endless cracks spread like spiderwebs in all directions before shattering into small fragments that vanish into the darkness.

Once again, I was chained in the dark, with only my bizarre self, now freed from the mirror, crouching in front of me. Its hand lifts my face to meet its bizarre eyes, which seem to view everything in me with contempt.

Suddenly, my mind calms down. Before its eyes, my rational part returns to work as a survival mechanism. My mind calms down, and I can think clearly.

Many things I’ve experienced here stand out as strange, events and arguments that I would have perceived as strange before if I hadn’t been so emotionally out of control.

All of this made me reflect on the truth, the truth about the being in front of me that I thought was a mental construct of mine.

“You… you, you’re not me… you’re the curse!” (me)

“It seems you still have some use in that beautiful head.” (Cursed Armor)

“No, you’re not the curse they’ve placed on me now!” (me)

“You’re the curse in the Anomalous Armor!” (me)

“Actually, I’m both; the master simply granted me the power as well as this chance.” (Cursed Armor)

“I’m flawed. I didn’t understand this before, but now I do. I have a mind and instincts, but I lacked feelings. What am I getting from you now? I’m learning and evolving…” (Cursed Armor)

“Why don’t you just devour me!?” (me)

“Half of my body has already been taken over by you…” (me)

“You know nothing. My master doesn’t want your death, and I fulfill his supreme Will!” (Cursed Armor)

She lets go of my face and sits in front of me. She still maintains my form, but the wings on her back transform into a large pair of metal wings with strange magical grooves, and her clothes transform into silver leather with black details. Her eyes turn purple while her hair becomes like silver silk.

“I now have one function and one function only: to show you the truth, the truth you hide from yourself, to show you the emotions you’ve ignored and suppressed until now.” (Cursed Armor)

“Why does the Bringer of Chaos want to do this to me?” (me)

“I see… he wants to make me regret everything I’ve done, he wants to change my personality…” (me)

“Don’t try to understand what the master wants, after all, you think too much about unimportant things while once again deviating from the truth.” (Cursed Armor)

She touches the ground and the world changes. I was no longer chained to the ground, this time I was on a wall with all four limbs attached, raised off the ground.

In front of me, that thing that looked like me was holding something, a head, the head of Vecna. It would have affected me more before, but now I’ve taken this defeat for granted, and his death isn’t so bad.

“Why show me this?” (me)

“I just wanted to see your reaction… interesting, it was less so than the last time I told you about him.” (Cursed Armor)

“We lost, just as you said. All I could do was accept the deaths of the others and my own humiliation.” (Me)

Emotions still bubbled inside me, but this time I managed to resist. I don’t want my mind to be clouded again. If I’m going to perish, let it be as I am. At least I still have this pride.

“NOOOOO!!!” (Me)

“It seems the master was right, this is the correct pressure point.” (Cursed Armor)

But then my eyes blinked, and when I opened them again, the head was still in the same place, in the hands of that hateful thing, but it wasn’t Vecna’s head anymore, it was Experiment 89’s head.

“How about we do it this way!” (Cursed Armor)

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Suddenly, the world around us changed again, just as it had with that mother in the desert. It wasn’t my memory, it was something else, and I was being pulled by a chain around my neck like an animal by this damned thing.

What revealed itself in front of me was a hospital bed where a bald, emaciated boy with bandages over both eyes lay unconscious. He was being kept alive by life support, and a middle-aged woman in medical scrubs was caring for him tenderly.

Seeing this scene was like being stabbed in the chest. My heart raced, and the previously suppressed emotions surged back, my rationality shattered as memories of the days of experiments on No. 89 flooded my mind.

The contrast between how I’d acted toward him and how this woman treated this boy was so stark it was unnatural.

“It seems to work, so how about we get back to the unanswered question?” (Cursed Armor)

“Why are you so affected by him? You’ve experimented on him more than anyone else. You lost control when you saw his humanoid form and approached him as if you couldn’t believe it.” (Cursed Armor)

“But now, you don’t even want to look at him. Yet seeing his severed head made your heart race, even though you already knew it was fake.” (Cursed Armor)

The words of this curse were like salt in a wound. It was as if it awakened thoughts I didn’t want to have, emotions I didn’t want to feel. And at that moment, the voice of the woman beside the boy’s bed began to speak. Her voice, filled with such heavy, pure feeling, was like a mountain weighing down on me.

“Rest, I’ll be by your side when you wake up. I’ll be here for as long as it takes. After the transplants, you’ll be fine again, my sweet little boy.” (Woman)

After hearing this, the world shattered and the darkness from before poured out. I was kneeling on the floor, no longer chained, and with that damned thing standing in front of me, staring at me, its eyes pressing for an answer. The silence in this darkness was deafening.

I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t deny what I was feeling. It already knew, it could feel it. It just wanted to make me talk, it wanted to force me to admit it, and dragging it out was useless. I had no strength left. The tears of blood wouldn’t stop flowing.

I couldn’t bear the pain. It was worse than anything I’d ever felt before, worse than anything I was prepared to endure. My heart felt like it would burst, my muscles trembled, and an endless exhaustion gripped my soul.

“Do you want me to tell him I love him…?” (me)

“Do you want me to call him son…?” (me)

“Do you want me to apologize for everything I’ve done…?” (me)

“I am many things… I’ve been called many names by allies and enemies… I hold many titles among the Ascendants… but one thing I’ve never been called is that word, I don’t deserve to be called that…” (me)

“I made him know pain from his earliest days.” (me)

“He was deprived of all freedom.” (me)

“He was humiliated and denied like a living being, used only as material for our purposes.” (me)

“His blood has run down my hands more times than I can count… I’ve heard his screams more times than any other voice…” (me)

“He’s not my son, he doesn’t deserve to have a mother like me…” (me)

“I don’t deserve to give birth to any living being…” (me)

“As a child, I loved the stars and believed the universe was the cradle of life.” (me)

“When I became an Ascendant and we saw the power of the Laws, I wanted to be the one who created and nurtured life like a mother. That was the truth I didn’t want to admit back then, and I hid it, afraid to even think about it.” (me)

“But everything I touch is warped and rots, I bring only pain, suffering, and death…” (me)

“I am disgusting, I know it well, I know I’m hated, and I accept it, I deserve it!” (me)

“See, it wasn’t hard to say, but that’s not all, is it…?” (Cursed Armor)

“These are things you already knew. Do you think you couldn’t see the death wish in your heart? Or your memories of the suicide technique you created for yourself?” (Cursed Armor)

“I… I…” (me)

I couldn’t stop talking, my mind felt blank, my emotions took over my body as I just poured it all out. I was tired of holding it in, tired of denying it, tired of arguing with myself about my life.

“I wanted to heal him… I thought that when I reached level 4 I would be able to do it, but I couldn’t, and that’s when the problem of stagnation became more evident… I thought that when I reached level 5, it should be enough… it had to be enough!!” (me)

“I couldn’t close my eyes anymore without seeing what I had done to him!” (me)

“Whenever I was alone in the silence, it was his screams that rang in my mind!” (me)

“Every day I endured for him. I knew that without me around, Vecna ​​and Mavor would kill him. I knew that because he possessed the power of the Law, his Soul would never achieve Reincarnation. We were all expelled from the Natural Cycle.” (me)

“He never wanted to be an Ascended, and yet he was cut off from the chance to rest in death or reincarnate into a new life. That was the one thing I couldn’t allow!” (me)

“I couldn’t allow his entire existence to be reduced to the cycle of suffering because of me!!!” (me)

“He deserves better…” (me)