The Legendary Sword Saint Is Not Dead! (Re:Zero Parody)
Fake Knight VS Real Homicidal Maniac: 02
Subaru smirked, motioning for Emilia to follow her inside.
The door to the Loot House creaked ominously as Subaru and Emilia stepped inside. It was dimly lit, the air heavy with the scent of stale ale and wood rot. The interior was cluttered with piles of random objects—worn-out swords, rusty shields, broken trinkets, and crates whose contents Subaru didn't want to imagine.
The man watched them carefully as they sat, his eyes flicking back and forth between them. "Now, what does a Knight and an elf want with me? I'm just an old giant selling odd items."
Subaru frowned, glancing at the random assortment of goods scattered around the room. "Odd items? Right. More like stolen ones."
The giant grimaced, leaning back in his makeshift throne. "You've got a big mouth for someone so small."
Emilia, ever polite, clasped her hands together and leaned forward slightly. "We're looking for someone. A thief. A blonde girl, short—"
The man stiffened slightly, his gaze darkening. "I don't know anything about a thief."
Subaru raised an eyebrow, leaning back casually. "Oh, really? Because you sure look like someone who'd know. And judging by all this," she gestured to the piles of junk, "you don't exactly seem like a fan of honesty."
The giant scowled but didn't respond immediately. Emilia sighed softly. "Please, it's really important. She stole something of mine—a trinket. It's precious to me."
He hesitated, his eyes drifting back to Subaru. The shining armour, the pristine white cape, the gauntlets—everything about her screamed authority. With a deep sigh, he finally spoke. "Alright, fine. The girl you're looking for… her name's Felt. She's ambitious, hates slum life. Always talks about leaving this place behind."
Subaru nodded, her expression softening slightly. "Sounds like she's just trying to make something of herself."
The man grunted. "Yeah, well, she found herself a client recently. Someone who offered her a lot to retrieve something. She didn't tell me what it was, but she was excited."
Before Subaru could respond, the door burst open with a loud bang. Both she and Emilia turned sharply to see a short blonde girl storm into the room, her face lit with excitement.
"Old Man! I've got—" Felt froze mid-sentence, her wide amber eyes landing on Emilia first, then sliding to Subaru. Her expression hardened instantly.
"You!" she yelled, her hand flying to the dagger at her side.
"Yes, me," Emilia said, standing up. "Now, hand over my insignia this instant!"
Felt scowled, gripping the hilt of her dagger tightly. "No way! I worked hard to get it!"
"You mean stole it," Emilia shot back, her voice firm but not unkind. "Please, it's really important to me."
Felt's face twisted with defiance, but before she could respond, the old giant spoke up. "Felt, you're messing with complicated stuff. This isn't just any trinket if a Royal Knight is here looking for it."
Subaru straightened her back, tilting her chin up slightly. "Exactly. This insignia is no ordinary object, and as a Royal Knight, I can't let it stay in the wrong hands."
Felt flinched, her grip on the dagger loosening. She hesitated, her eyes darting between Subaru, Emilia, and the old man. After a tense moment, she let out a frustrated sigh and reached into her pocket, pulling out a small, ornate insignia.
"Fine," she muttered, holding it out toward Subaru.
Subaru took the insignia, examining it briefly before handing it to Emilia with a flourish.
"Your precious trinket, milady," she said dramatically, bowing slightly.
Emilia smiled, her amethyst eyes sparkling with gratitude. "Thank you, Subaru. I don't know what I would've done without you."
Subaru basked in the praise, her chest puffing out slightly. "All in a day's work for the great Natsuki Subaru!"
Felt crossed her arms, glaring at them. "You're lucky I'm giving this up. Next time, it won't be so easy."
The old man shook his head, muttering under his breath. "Kids these days…"
Subaru turned to Emilia, grinning. "Well, mission accomplished. What's next on the agenda?"
The creaking of the door grabbed everyone's attention. A woman strolled in, her movements sleek and deliberate, like a predator. Her attire was revealing, with a sinister aura that seemed to suck the air out of the room. She scanned the room with a cold smile.
"Oh my," she said, her tone dripping with mockery.
Felt turned to her, her face paling. "Forget about the insignia. I've failed."
The woman tilted her head. "Oh, so you did. How unfortunate."
Emilia stepped forward, her finger pointing accusingly. "So you're the one who made Felt steal my insignia!"
The woman shut the door behind her with a soft click. "You must be the owner," she mused, her smile widening. "Interesting."
Subaru felt a chill run down her spine as the woman's eyes swept over her and Emilia.
"Well, not that it matters. I was going to kill everyone here anyway," the woman said nonchalantly.
"What?!" Felt's voice was filled with shock and fear.
Subaru's instincts screamed at her. She saw the faint glint of a blade slicing through the air, heading straight for Emilia's back. Time seemed to slow as she lunged forward, but before she could reach her, a shield of crystalline ice materialized in front of Emilia, stopping the attack just in time.
"What…" Subaru stammered, her eyes wide as the frozen shards glimmered in the dim light.
The woman's grin faltered for a moment, then returned, even more twisted. "My, my. A spirit."
A small feline creature floated into view, its fur shining like silver in the moonlight. It hovered beside Emilia, its tail swishing lazily.
"Don't worry, Hero Girl," the creature said in a calm, androgynous voice. "I'm Puck— Lia's contracted spirit."
Subaru stared at the creature, barely able to contain her excitement. Magic? This world actually had magic?!
The woman—Elsa, as she later introduced herself—grinned wickedly, her gaze snapping to Subaru. "A redhead knight… Are you an Astrea?"
Subaru's brow furrowed. "Nope. I'm Natsuki Subaru. Clueless, broke beyond belief, but undeniably a hero!"
"Interesting," Elsa purred, her grip tightening on her blade. "I am Elsa, the Bowel Hunter. And I cannot wait to see your guts."
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