The Legendary Sword Saint Is Not Dead! (Re:Zero Parody)
Fake Knight VS Real Homicidal Maniac: 03
Before Subaru could react, Elsa was a blur, her speed almost inhuman. The blade arced toward them, but Puck was faster. A wall of ice rose from the ground, intercepting the attack with a sharp crack.
"Oh, that's adorable," Elsa chuckled, leaping back and flipping in mid-air. "Let's see how long you can keep this up."
She darted forward again, this time aiming for Puck. The small spirit yawned, as if utterly bored, and with a flick of his paw, icy winds howled through the room. Elsa skidded to a halt, her blade raised to block the sharp shards of ice slicing through the air.
"Too slow," Puck muttered.
The room temperature plummeted as frost began creeping up the walls. Elsa gritted her teeth, her breath visible in the freezing air. Her eyes narrowed as she lunged for Emilia again, but Subaru was ready this time.
"Not so fast!" Subaru yelled, stepping in front of Emilia with a knife she had taken from the table, raised.
Elsa's blade collided with Subaru's, the impact sending a sharp vibration up her arm. Subaru gritted her teeth, barely holding her ground.
"You're tougher than you look," Elsa said, her voice filled with amusement. She kicked Subaru hard, sending her stumbling back into a pile of junk.
"Subaru!" Emilia cried out, but Puck remained calm.
"Focus, Lia," Puck said. "She's mine to deal with."
Elsa laughed, her voice echoing through the room. "Deal with me? Oh, little spirit, you're underestimating me."
She hurled her blade, the weapon spinning through the air like a deadly boomerang. Puck waved a paw, and the weapon was encased in ice mid-flight, falling to the ground with a clatter.
"Overestimating yourself is a bigger problem," Puck said, his voice tinged with annoyance.
Elsa clicked her tongue, retrieving a second blade hidden beneath her cloak. She dashed toward Puck, her movements erratic and unpredictable. Frost coated the floor, making it difficult for her to find footing, but her agility was remarkable.
Subaru scrambled to her feet, clutching her knife. "I'm not done yet!" she shouted, charging at Elsa.
Elsa twisted away, her blade slashing toward Subaru's midsection, but Puck intervened again, forming a barrier of ice that forced Elsa to retreat.
"I'm getting tired of this game," Puck said, his tone growing colder—literally. A frosty mist emanated from his small form, and the air grew heavy with his power.
Elsa smirked. "Then stop playing."
"Gladly," Puck replied. He raised a paw, and the ground beneath Elsa's feet cracked with a deafening noise.
A massive spike of ice erupted from the floor, narrowly missing Elsa as she flipped backward. More spikes followed, each one forcing her into tighter and tighter spaces.
"You're good," Elsa admitted, her voice calm despite the danger. "But not good enough."
She launched herself at Emilia again, her blade aimed for the kill.
"Enough!" Puck's voice boomed.
The entire room was engulfed in a blinding flash of icy light. When the glow faded, Elsa was frozen solid, her body encased in a thick layer of frost from head to toe.
The room fell silent, save for the faint sound of frost cracking.
"Is it over?" Rom's voice came from behind the counter, trembling slightly.
"Maybe," Felt muttered, her wide eyes fixed on the frozen figure of Elsa.
As Emilia and Puck relaxed, believing the battle was over, a sudden cracking sound filled the air. The ice encasing Elsa shattered, sending shards flying. In a blink, she was in front of Emilia, her blade poised to slice through her abdomen.
Time slowed for Subaru. Her instincts screamed, and before she could think, she was already moving. She appeared behind Emilia, grabbing her by the waist and yanking her aside just in time. Her sapphire eyes locked onto Elsa's dark, predatory gaze.
And then, shocking even herself, Subaru's gloved hand shot out, catching the descending blade. With a sharp crack, the weapon snapped in two, the broken pieces clattering to the floor.
Just like that.
Elsa leapt back, her expression a mix of amusement and intrigue as she stared at the broken weapon in her hand. "You're quite strong."
"Uh, yeah. Apparently," Subaru replied, rubbing the back of her head sheepishly. She lowered into a karate stance, looking more like a cheesy action hero than a knight. "Looks like I was underestimating myself the whoke time."
Elsa's grin widened. "Let's test that strength."
From the folds of her cloak, Elsa pulled out another blade, gleaming wickedly in the dim light. With a burst of speed, she lunged at Subaru, her movements fluid and deadly.
But Subaru was faster. Or maybe something else had taken over her body. She moved like a blur, each swing of Elsa's blade met with precise parries. Sparks flew as steel clashed against her gauntlets.
"Too slow!" Subaru shouted, ducking under a wild slash and landing a solid punch to Elsa's ribs.
Elsa stumbled but recovered quickly, lunging again. Subaru sidestepped with ease, her body moving instinctively. She struck again, her fist colliding with Elsa's shoulder, sending her spinning.
"Two!" Subaru counted, her grin widening.
Elsa snarled, pivoting and slashing upward. Subaru leaned back, narrowly avoiding the blade before driving her knee into Elsa's stomach.
"Three!"
Elsa staggered, coughing, but her eyes gleamed with excitement rather than pain. "Impressive," she murmured, straightening.
Then, without warning, Subaru grabbed Elsa's wrist mid-swing and twisted. The sickening crack of bone echoed through the room. Elsa's blade clattered to the ground as her hand dangled unnaturally.
Subaru froze, her confidence faltering. "Uh… oops?"
Elsa didn't scream. She didn't even flinch. Instead, she glanced at her mangled hand, her lips curling into a sinister smile. "Well, that's inconvenient."
Subaru's stomach turned as Elsa raised her blade and, without hesitation, sliced off her own crippled hand.
"What the—?!" Subaru gasped, stumbling back as blood splattered the ground.
Before anyone could react, a new hand began to grow, the flesh knitting itself together at an unnaturally fast pace. Within seconds, it was as if nothing had happened.
"Regeneration? Seriously?!" Subaru shouted, glancing at Puck and Emilia, who both looked equally stunned.
Elsa flexed her fingers, testing her new hand. "You're good," she said, her tone almost admiring. "Who is your master?"
"Uh… Jackie Bruce Lee?" Subaru quipped, dodging as Elsa lunged at her again.
Their fight resumed, even more intense than before. Elsa's movements were relentless, her strikes faster and more calculated. But Subaru kept up, dodging and parrying with an agility that defied explanation.
"You've got talent," Elsa said, her voice breathless yet filled with glee.
"Yeah, well, I'm full of surprises," Subaru shot back, sidestepping another strike.
"You're not using your dagger," Elsa noted, her tone almost teasing.
Subaru blinked, suddenly aware of the weapon still strapped to her side. She hadn't drawn it once.
"Guess I realised don't need it," Subaru said, though the words felt odd even to her. Something about this fight didn't call for the dagger—it felt like the wrong weapon for the moment.
Elsa's eyes narrowed. "Interesting."
As the fight wore on, Subaru began to feel the strain. Her breaths came heavier, her muscles aching with each movement. Elsa, on the other hand, seemed tireless, her attacks as fierce as ever.
Then, in a blur, Elsa shifted her focus. She turned, hurling a blade straight at Felt, who was cowering behind Rom.
"Felt!" Emilia screamed.
Without thinking, Subaru lunged, her body moving faster than her mind. She caught the blade inches from Felt's terrified face, the sharp edge pressing against her palm.
"Not on my watch," Subaru growled, tossing the blade aside.
Elsa chuckled darkly, stepping back. "I'll gut you all, in time."
Subaru turned to face her, but the Bowel Hunter was gone. The only sign of her departure was the faint echo of her laughter.
Subaru straightened, wiping sweat from her brow and grinning wide. "We'll see!"
As the tension in the Loot House eased, Emilia turned to Subaru, her voice warm and sincere. "Thank you again, Subaru. You really saved me back there. Twice, actually. Are you going to arrest me?"
Felt, still wary, muttered, "Yeah, thanks, I guess. Even if you're annoyingly showy about it."
Subaru scratched the back of her red head, her cheeks flushing as she laughed nervously. "Well, funny story about that. I'm… uh, not actually a Knight. Or even a trainee." She paused, glancing at the curious stares around her. "I just kinda woke up here. Long story."
Subaru purposefully skipped the part about waking up in a completely different body—a girl's body, no less. That was a can of worms she wasn't ready to open.
Emilia's jaw dropped. "Wait, you're not a Knight?"
Rom furrowed his brow. "So, what are you then, some kind of wandering weirdo?"
"Hey, that's harsh!" Subaru protested, raising her hands. "I'm a hero! A very… unorthodox one."
Emilia blinked, clearly processing this revelation. "You lied to me?"
"I didn't mean to deceive anyone," Subaru said quickly, bowing her head. "I just thought saying I was a Knight would help us get the insignia back without any trouble. I'm sorry, Emilia. Truly."
Puck, floating lazily beside Emilia, yawned. "She's not lying. This 'Hero Girl' doesn't seem to have any bad intentions."
Emilia hesitated, then nodded. "Alright. I believe you. But don't lie to me again, okay?"
"Scout's honour," Subaru said, holding up three fingers and grinning sheepishly.
Felt crossed her arms. "You're weird, but… thanks for helping us. Even if you're not some fancy Knight."
Subaru gave her a thumbs-up. "You're welcome!"
With that, Emilia and Subaru left the Loot House, stepping back into the chaotic streets of the slums.
TBC
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