Chapter 188: What Lauren Wants

Lauren regretted telling Luke they had time, though not because she wanted to rush anything. If anything, she was grateful they finally had the luxury of slowing down.

The problem was that Luke had apparently decided to use that time to think.

She noticed it the next morning when he came downstairs to help before the café opened. His right wrist remained secured inside its support, and he was still careful about what he carried, but something had changed in the way he kept looking at her.

He wasn’t exactly staring. Lauren could handle staring. She could catch him doing that, watch his face turn red, say something deliberately unfair, and enjoy herself while he tried to recover.

This was different. Luke was studying her.

By the third time she caught him doing it, Lauren lowered the inventory sheet in her hand.

"What?"

Luke stood near the counter with a stack of menus tucked beneath his left arm.

"Nothing."

She waited long enough for his mouth to twitch.

"You’ve been looking at me like you’re trying to figure something out."

Luke seemed to consider denying it, then gave up before he started.

"I am."

Lauren folded her arms.

"And?"

"I haven’t figured it out yet."

Before she could ask what exactly he was trying to solve, Luke continued toward the tables, leaving Lauren watching him go. This was ridiculous. She was an adult woman with grown daughters. She had survived monsters, hostile players, Bureau crises, Lethariel, and several weeks of watching Luke repeatedly discover new ways to nearly get himself killed.

One eighteen-year-old thinking too hard about her should not have made her nervous. Unfortunately, she knew exactly what he was thinking about.

What do you want?

He had asked her that the previous night after spending most of the conversation exposing things about himself that Lauren knew had not been easy to admit. He liked being guided. He liked being praised in a particular way. He liked Yvonne, but he wanted Lauren too. Most importantly, he had told her that he didn’t want to remain passive forever.

Lauren had already answered part of that. She had told him she wanted to see what happened when he stopped waiting for permission every few seconds. She wanted him to surprise her. That had been true, but it simply hadn’t been all of it.

Once the café opened, normal work finally gave her somewhere else to put her attention. Customers arrived, orders accumulated, and by nine she was busy enough that Luke’s question stopped sitting at the front of her mind.

At least until he walked behind the counter to return a clean tray.

Lauren moved aside to give him room, but Luke stopped beside her instead of immediately passing. He wasn’t touching her, yet he stood close enough that she became aware of the warmth of his body beside hers. When she looked up, Luke met her eyes without retreating.

Earlier in their relationship, he would have noticed the distance between them and immediately created more of it. Now he simply stayed where he was for another second before putting the tray away and returning to the tables. There was no joke and no attempt to make the moment bigger than it was.

Lauren stared after him, knowing he was doing it on purpose. The realization should have amused her. Instead, warmth spread slowly through her stomach.

One of the employees appeared beside the espresso machine and paused when she found Lauren standing in the way. Lauren stepped aside, and the woman glanced toward Luke before wisely deciding she had noticed nothing.

Good.

For the next several hours, Lauren tried not to think about the increasingly uncomfortable fact that Luke had learned patience. His confidence had always been easiest to manage when it arrived in sudden bursts. He would surprise her with something, realize what he had done, then become embarrassed enough that Lauren could regain control without much effort.

This version was different. He wasn’t trying to win anything. He simply wasn’t retreating anymore, and Lauren liked that far more than she should.

By closing time, she had almost convinced herself the rest of their conversation could wait another day.

Then Luke finished wiping the last table and glanced toward her.

"Tea?"

Yesterday, she had made it. Apparently, he remembered.

"Sure."

Luke headed upstairs first, leaving Lauren behind the counter for a few extra seconds. She could tell him she was tired. It wouldn’t even be a lie. Instead, she locked the register, checked the front door, and followed him upstairs.

Luke was already in the kitchen when she entered the apartment. He had filled the kettle using his left hand and was leaning against the counter while it heated, his supported right wrist resting carefully against his stomach.

Lauren hung up her coat.

"You didn’t have to do that."

"I know."

No explanation followed. When she glanced over, Luke met her eyes with the smallest hint of amusement. He really was learning.

They carried the tea into the living room and sat on the sofa. This time, Luke chose a spot close to her, not pressed against her but near enough that Lauren noticed the difference immediately.

She took a sip from her cup while Luke left his untouched. He waited as she took another sip, still saying nothing.

"This is cruel."

"I thought you said silence was useful."

She stared at him until the corner of his mouth moved. That one was deserved.

Lauren put her cup down and drew one leg beneath herself.

"Last night, I already told you part of what I want."

Luke nodded.

"You want me to stop waiting for you all the time."

"Sometimes."

"And you want me to surprise you."

Lauren gave him a look.

"You remember."

"I was paying attention."

Of course he was. She rubbed her thumb along the side of one finger while deciding where to begin.

"That’s true. I don’t want to take it back."

Luke stayed quiet.

"But I think I gave you the easier answer."

His expression became more attentive, and Lauren looked down at her hands.

"I know how to tell you what I want you to do. I know how to guide you. I know how to tease you. I know how to make it obvious when I want you close."

Luke’s mouth threatened to curve, but Lauren ignored it.

"The harder part is telling you what I want from you when I’m not the one controlling how it happens."

He didn’t interrupt, which helped.

Lauren took a breath.

"I like praise."

Luke blinked. Of all the things she could have said, that clearly wasn’t what he had expected, and a small part of Lauren enjoyed catching him off guard again.

"You look surprised."

"I am."

"Why?"

Luke thought about it before answering.

"Because you always seem like you already know you’re amazing."

Lauren stared at him until his eyes widened slightly.

"I meant that as a compliment."

A laugh escaped before she could stop it.

"That might be the strangest compliment you’ve ever given me."

Luke smiled. The brief humor loosened something inside her, but Lauren didn’t let it pull them away from the conversation.

"I know what I can do well. That’s not the same thing."

His smile faded as he listened.

"I know I’m good at running the café. I know I’m attractive. I know I can handle myself when things get difficult."

She hesitated.

"Most of the time."

Luke waited.

"What I don’t always know is what any of that means to someone else."

His eyebrows drew together slightly as Lauren searched for better words.

"I’ve spent years being useful to people. My daughters needed me. The café needs me. My employees come to me when something goes wrong. Then Powerforge happened, and suddenly the Bureau needed things from me too."

She looked toward the dark window.

"Aelira needed me. Thalen needed me. Half of North Basin seemed to need me for something."

Luke remained silent, and Lauren appreciated that he didn’t immediately try to reassure her. She wasn’t complaining about helping them.

"I like being useful. I like being someone people can depend on."

Her fingers tightened slightly.

"But sometimes I want someone to look at me without needing anything. I want to know I’m wanted when there isn’t a problem for me to solve."

There it was. That was the part she hadn’t managed to say the night before.