Chapter 187: What Do You Want?

Luke regretted agreeing to the conversation sometime around breakfast.

By lunch, he had considered faking a headache, and by the end of the café shift, he had accepted that Lauren would notice within seconds and probably make the situation worse by asking whether he needed medical attention.

So he endured the day.

Unfortunately, Lauren seemed perfectly normal. She took orders, spoke with regulars, checked inventory, and reminded Luke twice not to carry anything heavy with his injured arm. Not once did she mention what they had agreed to discuss that evening.

That made it worse.

Every time she looked at him, Luke wondered whether she was thinking about it. Once, while wiping down a table, he caught her watching him from behind the counter. Their eyes met for a moment before Lauren returned her attention to the register, leaving Luke staring at the cloth in his hand and wondering why one glance from her had nearly made him drop it.

By closing time, his nerves were worse than they had been before several Bureau operations.

They went upstairs, ate dinner, and cleaned the kitchen without discussing anything unusual. Luke was beginning to wonder whether Lauren had forgotten when she quietly made two cups of tea and carried them into the living room.

She sat on the sofa and looked toward him.

"Come sit."

The simple instruction somehow made him more nervous.

Luke joined her, though not nearly as close as usual. Lauren noticed but left the distance alone, while Luke held his still-too-hot tea and stared into it as though the answer to every question he was avoiding might be floating somewhere near the bottom.

She didn’t rush him.

Eventually, Luke glanced over.

"You really are going to make me start."

"I can start."

The offer sounded genuine.

For a second, Luke considered accepting it, then remembered what they had agreed and set his cup down.

"No. I’ll do it."

Lauren turned slightly toward him and waited.

Luke rubbed his left palm against his knee. The words had felt much easier when they existed only inside his head.

"I want you."

Lauren’s expression softened.

Luke looked away almost immediately.

"I know that’s not what you meant."

"It matters."

When he glanced back, Lauren didn’t elaborate because she didn’t need to. The simple answer gave him enough room to take another breath and continue.

"I like when you take control. When you know what you want and don’t make me guess whether you want me there."

Luke stared at his own hands.

"I think that’s part of why I liked Yvonne so much."

Lauren’s attention sharpened at the name, but she didn’t interrupt.

"She was impossible to misunderstand," Luke continued. "She’d get close, say something completely insane, and then wait for me to survive it."

A faint smile touched Lauren’s mouth.

Luke noticed but didn’t mind this one.

"I liked that."

"Okay."

He looked at her.

"That’s all?"

"You don’t need me to approve it."

The answer caught him off guard.

Lauren rested one hand lightly over his.

"You like what you like."

Something about the lack of judgment made the next admission easier, even if Luke still had to look down before saying it.

"I like when you call me good boy."

Lauren’s fingers tightened slightly over his.

Luke waited.

When nothing happened, he finally glanced at her and found Lauren pressing her lips together.

"You’re trying not to laugh."

"I’m trying not to embarrass you."

"You’re doing a terrible job."

Her smile escaped, and Luke covered part of his face with his left hand. Lauren didn’t make the moment worse. Instead, after letting him suffer for a few seconds, she gently pulled his hand down.

"I like calling you that."

Luke’s embarrassment stalled.

"You do?"

"Mhm."

The familiar sound hit differently now that they were talking about it openly.

Lauren’s thumb moved once across his knuckles.

"I like what it does to you. But more than that, I like that you let me."

Luke looked at her.

Lauren’s expression had become serious again.

"There’s trust in it."

He hadn’t thought about it that way. After sitting with the idea for a moment, Luke nodded.

"Yeah."

Lauren didn’t immediately ask for the next confession, and the silence gave Luke enough room to continue when he was ready.

"I like Yvonne too."

"I assumed."

"Not only because of the outfit."

Lauren’s mouth curved.

Luke gave her a look, and she behaved.

"For a while, she felt like someone different."

Lauren’s gaze shifted toward the dark television.

"She was supposed to."

"Do you miss her?"

The question made Lauren pause. Her hand slowly slipped away from his as she considered the answer.

"Sometimes."

Luke waited.

"Yvonne didn’t have to be responsible. She wasn’t running the café, she wasn’t someone’s mother, and she wasn’t checking whether everyone else was all right before thinking about herself."

Her voice had become quieter, and Luke stayed silent while she kept her gaze fixed ahead.

"For a few hours, she could wear something ridiculous, say what she wanted, and not worry about whether it was sensible."

"Was that really an act?"

Lauren turned toward him. Luke hadn’t meant it as an accusation, and judging by her expression, she understood.

"No. Not completely."

Luke nodded.

That made more sense than pretending Yvonne had ever truly been separate from her.

Lauren folded her hands loosely in her lap.

"She was me without most of the things that usually make me stop and think first."

Luke smiled faintly.

"You without the brakes."

The phrase seemed to land harder than he expected, and when he noticed her expression change, Luke shifted a little closer instead of immediately filling the moment with another joke.

"But I don’t only want that version. I don’t want some character you made."

His heart beat harder as he held her gaze.

"I want you."

Lauren said nothing.

"Miss Lauren too," he added, earning a little color in her cheeks.

Luke noticed but, for once, resisted pointing it out.

"I want the woman who makes sure I eat when I’m tired. The woman who worries too much. The one who runs the café and tells me when I’m being stupid."

Lauren’s mouth moved slightly.

"And yeah, I also want the woman who used to walk around Powerforge dressed like she wanted me to forget how words worked."

That earned a quiet laugh.

Luke smiled too, then let the humor fade naturally instead of chasing another reaction.

"They’re both you."

Lauren looked at him for several seconds.

"Which one do you want?"

Luke didn’t need time.

"Both."

The answer came so easily that Lauren went still.

Luke kept his eyes on her.

"I don’t think they’re really separate anymore."

Lauren looked away first, and Luke had enough sense not to ruin the moment. He simply waited until she turned back toward him.

"What about control?"

His heartbeat immediately picked up.

Lauren noticed, and Luke rubbed his thumb along the side of his hand as he chose his words.

"I want you to guide me."

She remained still.

"At first."

Her eyebrows lifted slightly.

Luke drew a breath.

"I don’t know what I’m doing. You do."

"That doesn’t mean you have to follow everything I say."

"I know."

He looked at her.

"But I’d rather learn with you than pretend I know something I don’t."

Lauren’s expression softened.

"I’d like that."

Luke nodded, although the next part was harder. He looked down briefly before forcing himself to continue.

"But I don’t want to stay like that forever. I like when you make me nervous. I like when you know exactly how to get a reaction out of me, but sometimes I want to be the one who catches you off guard."

Lauren became very still, and Luke noticed the shift immediately.

"Like yesterday."

She remembered.

He didn’t need to explain further.

A faint flush returned to her cheeks, and Luke smiled before he could stop himself. Lauren responded by placing her palm against his chest and gently pushing him back against the sofa.

His breath caught as she leaned closer, stopping only a few inches away.

"You’re getting bolder."

Luke studied her face. Lauren’s confidence had returned, but not completely. The faint color in her cheeks remained, and for once he knew he had gotten under her skin too.

"Maybe."

Neither moved for several seconds before Lauren finally sat back.

"I want that too."

Luke straightened.

She looked down at her hands, her fingers slowly intertwining as she continued.

"I want to guide you. I want to show you what I like and learn what you like. But I don’t want you staying passive because I’m older or because I have more experience."

Luke listened without interrupting.

"I don’t want you wondering whether you’re allowed to disagree with me, especially about us."

The words landed more heavily than anything playful could have.

Luke nodded, but Lauren continued before he could give her an automatic answer.

"If something feels wrong, tell me. If you want me to stop, tell me. Don’t decide you can tolerate something just because you think it’ll make me happy."

Luke looked away because she had found one of his habits too easily.

"I do that sometimes."

"I know."

There was no accusation in her voice.

He rubbed his thumb against his palm.

"I’m working on it."

"I know that too."

Lauren reached for his hand again.

"I’ll tell you what I want. You tell me what you want. Neither of us has to guess."

Luke glanced toward his supported wrist, and Lauren followed his gaze.

"And while you’re recovering, I’m going to be careful."

"I expected that."

"Good."

A few seconds passed before Luke noticed she was still watching him.

"What?"

"You haven’t told me everything."

His face immediately heated, but Lauren’s expression softened before he could become defensive.

"You don’t have to."

That surprised him.

"There are other things," Luke admitted.

"I assumed there were."

He looked toward the floor.

"I don’t know if I can say them yet."

"Then don’t."

Luke looked back at her and realized she meant it. There was no trap and no teasing invitation to continue, only patience.

Something in his chest loosened.

"Okay."

They sat quietly for a while, allowing the conversation to settle instead of rushing toward the next confession.

Luke eventually reached for his tea, discovered it had finally cooled, and took a drink. When he set the cup down, Lauren’s hand was still resting near his, close enough that he caught it before he could think himself out of the idea.

She looked over.

Luke lifted her fingers and kissed the back of her hand.

Lauren stared at him, and his confidence lasted just long enough for him to ask the question he had been waiting for.

"What do you want?"

Her expression changed immediately.

Luke felt the shift as Lauren slowly pulled her hand back, though she didn’t move away.

For several seconds, she said nothing, and this time Luke let the silence belong to her.

"That’s harder."

There was no teasing in the admission.

Luke smiled slightly.

"I’m glad."

Lauren raised an eyebrow.

"Not because it’s hard for you."

He rubbed the back of his neck.

"I’m just glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t know how to say everything."

Lauren’s face softened.

She moved closer and rested her head against his shoulder, and Luke slipped his left arm around her.

"We have time," he said.

Lauren’s fingers settled lightly against his chest.

"Yes. We do."

Neither of them rushed to fill the silence.

His neurological review was still ahead of him, and his hand still needed time. Powerforge, the Ruinborn investigation, and everything beyond Route Nine remained somewhere outside their apartment, waiting for them eventually.

None of it needed an answer tonight.

Their conversation wasn’t finished either.

Next time, Lauren would have to answer the difficult question, and Luke had a feeling that part would be considerably harder on his heart.

He was looking forward to it anyway.