Chapter 83: Science, Sanity, and Several Poor Decisions

Most people assumed that the Nightmare Hotel functioned because of Gene.

Others believed Mother Sarah kept everything organized.

A few would argue that Hank somehow held reality together through sheer stubbornness.

All of them were wrong.

The truth was that Mystic Blood Valley continued functioning because two particular individuals were too busy experimenting to accidentally destroy it.

Most days, anyway.

Deep beneath the hotel, several floors below the underground facility Gene had recently built, a pair of reinforced steel doors slowly slid open.

A sign hung above them.

WARNING

AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY

DO NOT FEED THE EXPERIMENTS

DO NOT TAUNT THE EXPERIMENTS

DO NOT BECOME AN EXPERIMENT

Another sign had been hastily nailed underneath.

SERIOUSLY. DON’T.

Inside the laboratory, organized chaos reigned supreme.

Machines buzzed.

Pipes hissed.

Electrical arcs snapped through glass tubes.

Several strange creatures floated inside containment tanks.

One tank contained what appeared to be a floating eyeball with butterfly wings.

Another held a six-legged chicken.

A third contained something that refused to remain the same shape for more than five seconds.

Standing in the center of it all was Doctor Victor Graves.

Mad scientist.

Genius. 😎

Questionable life choices enthusiast.

He adjusted his goggles and stared at a clipboard.

“Interesting.”

His wife looked up from across the room.

Doctor Evelyn Graves had once been a renowned necromancer before Gene summoned her.

Now she spent most of her time helping her husband perform experiments that sensible people would never attempt.

“Which part?”

Victor tapped the clipboard.

“The explosive potato somehow survived.”

Evelyn blinked.

“The what?”

“The explosive potato.”

“You made an explosive potato?”

“It seemed important.”

She stared.

Victor stared back.

Neither spoke.

Finally Evelyn sighed.

“How big of an explosive?”

A distant boom shook the laboratory.

Victor looked pleased.

“About that big.”

⸻

Several hours earlier…

The day had begun normally.

Normal for the Graves family, anyway.

Victor stood before a workbench covered in various objects.

A toaster.

A sword.

Three batteries.

Half of a clock.

A rubber duck.

Evelyn glanced at the collection.

“What are you making?”

Victor smiled.

“Theoretically?”

“Yes.”

“A self-aware toaster.”

Evelyn nodded.

“Of course.”

Victor pointed proudly.

“It will make breakfast.”

“That seems useful.”

“It will also judge your life decisions.”

Evelyn paused.

“So you made your mother.”

Victor ignored her.

⸻

The toaster project lasted exactly twelve minutes.

The toaster gained consciousness.

It immediately declared everyone incompetent.

Then it demanded political power.

The toaster was dismantled shortly afterward.

Victor marked the results down.

Experiment #442

Self-Aware Toaster

Result: Too ambitious.

⸻

After breakfast, the couple moved on to monster research.

Gene’s world had changed significantly since the merger with Selene’s.

New species appeared constantly.

New magical energies emerged.

New opportunities for science.

Victor loved opportunities for science.

Especially dangerous opportunities.

Those were usually the most educational.

Today they were studying a peculiar creature discovered near one of the new towns.

The creature looked like a rabbit.

Mostly.

Its fur occasionally changed colors.

It had eight eyes.

And every time someone blinked it appeared somewhere else.

Victor leaned forward.

“Fascinating.”

The rabbit teleported onto his head.

Victor made notes.

“Remarkably fascinating.”

The rabbit stole his goggles.

Then vanished.

⸻

Meanwhile Evelyn focused on necromantic studies.

Unlike many necromancers, Evelyn wasn’t interested in raising armies.

She preferred understanding how souls worked.

Life.

Death.

Memory.

Identity.

All fascinating subjects.

Today she sat beside a crystal sphere.

Inside floated several glowing lights.

Souls.

Not trapped souls.

Volunteer souls.

The distinction was important.

Several elderly ghosts from one of the towns had agreed to help.

Mostly because Evelyn paid them in cookies.

One ghost waved.

“Morning, Doctor.”

“Morning, Harold.”

“Any breakthroughs?”

“Maybe.”

The ghost nodded thoughtfully.

“Excellent.”

Then he floated upside down for no reason.

Ghosts were strange.

⸻

Around noon the couple met for lunch.

The Haunted Chef had prepared sandwiches.

Victor bit into his food.

Then froze.

Evelyn immediately noticed.

“What happened?”

Victor pointed dramatically.

“This sandwich is perfect.”

Evelyn took a bite.

She nodded.

“It is.”

The couple sat in silence for several moments.

Respecting the sandwich.

Some achievements deserved appreciation.

⸻

Following lunch came weapons testing.

This was usually Victor’s favorite part of the day.

Today he had obtained a new item from Gene’s random weapon vending machine.

The weapon appeared harmless.

It resembled a metal umbrella.

Victor read the attached label.

THUNDERBRELLA

PLEASE DO NOT OPEN INDOORS

Victor immediately opened it indoors.

Lightning erupted.

The ceiling exploded.

Several lights shattered.

A nearby tank burst.

The eight-eyed rabbit escaped.

Evelyn slowly lowered her notebook.

Victor smiled weakly.

“Scientific curiosity.”

Evelyn pointed toward the smoking crater.

“Scientific repairs.”

Victor sighed.

⸻

Three hours later they finally captured the rabbit.

Unfortunately it had reproduced somehow.

There were now twelve rabbits.

None of them followed known biological laws.

Victor considered this a success.

Evelyn considered it a headache.

⸻

Later that afternoon the couple received an unexpected visitor.

Lilith.

She entered carrying Fluffy.

The three-headed dog looked happy.

One head held a stick.

One head held a shoe.

One head held what appeared to be a cultist helmet.

Victor decided not to ask.

Lilith smiled.

“Can you make Fluffy stronger?”

Victor’s eyes sparkled.

Evelyn immediately intervened.

“No.”

Victor looked disappointed.

Lilith looked disappointed.

Fluffy looked disappointed.

All three shared identical expressions.

It was unsettling.

⸻

Compromise was eventually reached.

Instead of enhancing Fluffy directly, they would make him armor.

Safe armor.

Mostly safe armor.

Reasonably safe armor.

Victor spent the next hour sketching ideas.

Some designs included:

Rocket launchers.

Chainsaws.

Missile pods.

Flamethrowers.

Evelyn rejected those.

Eventually they settled on reinforced protective plating.

Victor remained unconvinced that chainsaws weren’t necessary.

⸻

As evening approached, the couple moved into one of their stranger projects.

The Mimic Research Initiative.

The Mimic had become surprisingly cooperative recently.

Mostly because everyone fed it regularly.

The Mimic sat inside a reinforced testing room.

Victor held up various objects.

The Mimic transformed into them.

Chair.

Table.

Sword.

Lamp.

Refrigerator.

Then Victor held up a picture of Gene.

The Mimic immediately transformed into Gene.

The fake Gene scratched his head.

Then spoke.

“Why do I hear boss music?”

Victor burst out laughing.

Evelyn nearly fell out of her chair.

The Mimic seemed pleased.

⸻

The experiment ended when the Mimic transformed into Hank.

Then spent ten minutes complaining about paperwork.

Nobody knew how it had learned that.

⸻

As darkness settled outside, the laboratory grew quieter.

Machines continued humming.

Experiments continued running.

Most residents headed toward dinner.

Victor and Evelyn remained in the lab.

Working.

Studying.

Learning.

Together.

Eventually Evelyn sat beside her husband.

“You know.”

Victor looked up.

“What?”

“We have a nice life.”

Victor smiled.

“We do.”

She leaned against him.

The laboratory lights reflected from dozens of glass containers.

Outside, the hotel bustled with life.

Children laughed.

Guests talked.

Monsters wandered hallways.

The world Gene had built continued growing.

Victor looked around the lab.

Years ago he had dreamed of a place like this.

Unlimited research.

Unlimited possibilities.

People who accepted him despite his eccentricities.

A family.

Evelyn smiled softly.

“What are you thinking about?”

Victor looked toward the ceiling.

Toward the hotel above.

Toward the strange collection of monsters, nobles, heroes, and misfits they now called friends.

“Honestly?”

“Yes?”

Victor grinned.

“I think we’re the normal ones.”

The laboratory suddenly exploded behind them.

A containment tank shattered.

The thunderbrella fired lightning again.

Several rabbits escaped.

A skeleton somehow caught fire.

Evelyn stared at the destruction.

Then looked at Victor.

Victor looked at the destruction.

Then looked at Evelyn.

Neither said anything.

Finally Evelyn sighed.

“You know what?”

“What?”

“We might not be normal… but where’s the fun in normality.”

Victor nodded.

“Fair.”

Together they stood.

Together they grabbed their equipment.

Together they began chasing teleporting rabbits through the laboratory.

Just another ordinary day for the mad scientist couple of the Nightmare Hotel.