Chapter 2416 - 2234: Blossoms on the Other Shore (5)

Chapter 2416: Chapter 2234: Blossoms on the Other Shore (5)

Do you all think it’s funny? Why would I choose to live like this? Why would I choose to tell you in this way, that I’ve reached the edge of love and pain repeatedly, that I’ve turned myself into someone different from others again and again, but what have I ultimately gained? I endure all the deep-seated pain within my heart, all I want is to be different from others, but in the end? I still endure all the agony!

I’ve thought about whether I should experience a life like yours, abandoning everything for freedom at all costs. I’ve thought time and time again what kind of end that life would bring me. I simply can’t imagine, if I truly chose to do that, what my outcome would be now, something you’ve never thought about.

As parents, you haven’t thought about what kind of ending I face myself. When I accepted ridicule again and again from a young age, I was already destined to have no happiness in this life. Time and time again, I changed all of myself, the innermost things, because I knew that no matter what, I couldn’t allow anyone to look down on me. I just gazed at the sky day after day, lamenting the splendid outside world, while feeling helpless about the world inside.

Actually, you as parents should have thought how truly pathetic I am. I do all this to prove to you how strong and brave I once was, but eventually I discovered that no matter what I did, there was absolutely no way to change your deep-seated perception. Your perception is something that cannot be changed in this lifetime, because ultimately what results from repeated efforts is just harm. Even if I give a lot, what of it? Because in your hearts, you never believed that I was a good child. But did you know? I once wanted to be a good child; I considered not blaming anyone, but I truly couldn’t, the pain you’ve once caused me, has left me with no way to forget. I just want to live happily, but in the end, I’ve gained nothing. All this is my own doing, only I am to blame. I can’t blame anybody, but I’m not a Saint, I cannot remain indifferent to all these things. I just hope you can think carefully, why am I doing this, and what should you gain from doing this, because the outcome you’ve given me time and time again—what is it? How should I make you understand that I am your child? What you do only brings me heavy damage and blows, have you really never regretted your actions? What did you ultimately bring to me with all these? Bringing harm to everyone in the family time and time again, the most painful memories time and time again, there isn’t any way for all this to be treated as if it never happened. You may feel all this doesn’t matter at all, but I can’t feel that way. In your heart, maybe all this isn’t important, but I think it’s very important. Because I have my grandpa, I have my own things to do, I have to prove to everyone that I am the strongest, I have to let everyone look up to me, I need to stand at the pinnacle of life, even if the fall is more severe, I must stand up. Only by doing this can I declare to the world that I, at least, have succeeded. Even if I paid for success with all my effort, so what? At least I rose through my own effort, without relying on anyone.

I have to admit, I am particularly envious of those children who have parents with them, they go out to start a career, and their own parents silently support them behind the scenes. But I have nothing at all, apart from my grandpa’s concern for me, apart from grandpa not sparing anything for me time and time again, I truly have nothing. Because my parents are nowhere to be found, I never received even a bit of care from my parents, because my own parents never thought of staying by my side. This, for me, is the most painful thing in my heart, perhaps only living happily and joyfully can make all of this different, but what does every single thing I do ultimately bring me? No one truly knows what I’ve experienced throughout my life. I force myself time and again to become stronger, only by doing this can those who look down on me re-evaluate me, and know that the consequence of looking down on me is being repeatedly crushed under my heels, forever only subservient under my feet, never being able to surpass me. Do you know how much that feeling means? That is the thrill after avenging society and events, a feeling that cannot be expressed in words.