Chapter 78

He’s going to call. Sophia felt like her chest was going to burst as she hyperventilated into her pillow. They’re going to come and kill Shadow. Even if he doesn’t, someone else will. She didn’t resist the urge to gnaw on a fold in her pillowcase. What was Shadow thinking???

The seconds started to tick by as she waited for the inevitable sound of her dad calling for Shadow’s execution. Where she was chewing on her pillow grew damp as the seconds became minutes, but there was no sound of her father’s voice in the other room. In fact, there were surprisingly few noises in the house at all.

It’s not Shadow he’s thinking about... She continued chewing on her pillow, welcoming the slight relief it brought. I was really ready to attack my own father to protect Shadow. There’s no way he’ll let me stay here after this.

Then, she heard a dining room chair get pushed back in the dining room, followed by the echo of footsteps. Despite fully expecting it, she jerked violently when her door reverberated loudly.

“Sophia, in the living room,” her dad ordered, his voice preternaturally clear through the door.

This is it. Resigned, Sophia slowly unclenched her jaw from the pillow and pulled away. He’s going to throw me out. For a few moments, she stared at the jagged hole in her pillowcase. Human, wolf, it doesn’t seem like there’s a place for me anywhere.

Lifting an arm, she dried the wetness around her eyes and mouth with her sleeve. A few vestigial muscles twitched in a vain attempt to flatten her ears.

Let’s get it over with.

Trembling, she left her room and staggered to the living room. Her dad was in his chair, staring out the window while his fingers drummed atop the armrest. Through the menthol below her lip, she could detect freshly poured whiskey in the air, although she didn’t see a glass by him. When she went to sit down on the couch opposite the window, he didn’t move even as muscles in his face twitched.

Probably for the best that I can’t smell much. She watched his fingers drumming as she waited. I’m sorry, Mom; I’m sorry this is how your family ends. Finally, he turned to look at her, and she instinctively tried to make herself look non-threatening, submissive.

“I don’t know what you think you were doing in the kitchen,” he started brusquely. “But it ain’t never to happen again. This vampire shit, or wolf shit, or whatever, needs to end.”

Maybe he’s not telling me to leave…? Sophia nodded without meeting his eyes.

“From now on, you had better be here, school, or work ‘til your grades are back up,” he continued. “If Candice wants to help you, it can be at one of those.” He took a ragged breath. “Are we clear?”

“Yes,” she acknowledged, trying not to make her relief obvious.

“Good girl.”

But what about the dance? Her eyes widened as panic ran through her.

“I know I need to focus on my classes, but there’s a school dance on Saturday…”

“No,” he replied firmly.

“But I’m supposed to go with someone! I already have tickets! And Candice is lending me a dress!” Sophia protested frantically. “Besides, you said I could be at school!”

“Don’t get fresh with me!” He snapped.

“Please!” Sophia pleaded. “I’ve been really looking forward to it, and I promise I’ll come home right after!”

It’s the only chance to show everyone that I’m normal!

Her dad sighed and thought for a moment. “Fine, you can go to the dance, but come home as soon as it ends.” He looked back out the window. “And nothing else ‘til your grades are better. I don’t care if the guy is the best quarterback or point guard in the state.”

“Thank you.” Sophia sighed with relief, although it was short-lived.

The full moon is in a few days! Her fingernails dug into the couch. What am I going to do about that? And is he leaving Shadow alone…?

“Dad…?” She started tentatively.

“What?” He snapped, and her words died on her tongue.

Not a good time.

“Can I go?” She asked tiredly. “I should get going on homework.”

He started to nod, and Sophia started towards her room.

“Oh, Sophia, one more thing,” he called out suddenly.

Now what? Sophia froze and then turned to look at him.

“Out of respect for your mother, I’ll let that wolf go this time,” He told her, his voice gentle but firm. “But if I see it again, I’m going to have to call it in.”

Sophia met his eyes, swallowed, and gave a quick nod.

I’m sorry I’m such a screwup, Mom. Bleary-eyed from a sleepless night, Sophia stared at the papers and books scattered around her bed the next morning. Why couldn’t I have remembered what you said sooner?

She started gathering up her half-finished schoolwork and stuffing it in her bag, ignoring the splintered pencil that lay in the center of it all.

Now, the rest of your family is falling apart, all because your daughter was foolish enough to think she could be something else.

Grabbing the zipper, she tugged on it, but it caught on a piece of paper. With a frustrated grunt, she pulled hard, tearing the paper with a loud rip. She let the backpack fall backwards and plopped down on her bed next to it.

And Shadow… Her pained eyes fell on the blue dress hanging on her door as a sense of helplessness settled on her. I wish I could tell him to leave, that it was never meant to be.He should listen to his mother and go find a proper mate, like I should have listened to mine. I can’t even warn him.

Leaning forward, she reached out to grab her phone off her bedside table. The effort sent a wave of discomfort through her stomach as it tried to digest the cereal she had forced down for breakfast. Seeing she had a text from Candice, she flipped the phone open.

Candice: Headed to school early and will be staying late. TTYL!

Sophia sighed as loneliness added its weight to her.

Why does this all have to hurt so much? Sophia stood, wincing at the loud gurgle her abdomen made. I’m human, he’s a wolf, and that’s just the way things are meant to be, no matter what we both want.

How did I forget about the history test?I stayed up most of the night trying to do homework, too! Sophia warily shouldered open the girls’ locker room. Can this day get any worse?

“Whoa! It’s Wolfgirl! And she’s walking on two legs!” Michelle’s mock gasp filled the locker room as Sophia came into view. “I didn’t know animals could do that!”

Several girls giggled, and Sophia became acutely aware she was one of the last students to arrive as the entire room gawked at her. She tensed as her eyes settled on Michelle’s tooth-filled grin.

That two-leg is threatening me! 

“Hey, I think I dropped something; can you find it?” Jill’s mocking voice joined in. “I mean, since you have so much experience on the floor and all.”

No! Sophia forced her jaws to relax as she started forward. I’m human.

“That, like, actually happened?” One girl asked. “She seriously got on all fours during class and pretended to be a wolf? Like, snarled and everything?”

“Yeah, it was whack,” another girl confirmed. “Even Ms. Evans was freaked out.”

“What a weirdo,” the first girl responded, and then did a double-take on Sophia. “Is she, like, sniffing?”

Too late, Sophia realized she had been very conspicuously trying to smell through the balm.

“She is!” Michelle crowed. “Whatcha smell, girl?”

“Leave me alone,” Sophia demanded as she tried to evade the stares of those around her.

“What was that? I don’t speak dog,” Michelle jeered. “All I heard was ‘yip, yip, yap!’”

Threat! Trapped! Fight!Escape!

“Please,” Sophia whispered as she stood in front of her locker, although she wasn’t sure if it was directed at her tormentors or herself.

“What’d ya figure was gonna happen when you keep actin’ like a wolf?” Lydia asked quietly from beside her. “Like, seriously, girl, if ya can’t take the smell, don’t step in shit.”

Great time to forget my combination. Sophia stared at her gym lock, her mind unable to focus.

“You all really aren’t going to believe this,” Jill’s voice announced suddenly. “A guy actually agreed to go with Wolfgirl to the dance tomorrow!”

How does she know that??? Sophia looked up in shock, drawing a pleased smirk from Jill. Did Candice tell her?

“Whoa!” Michelle exclaimed with predatory interest. “Who?”

“Logan Fairly,” Jill answered smugly. “Some of the track guys were talking about it. They thought it was funny.”

This is all wrong… A wave of nausea hit Sophia as Shadow’s broken and desperate visage from the night before flashed through her mind at the mention of Logan’s name. Stop it!

“Dude’s into dogs, I guess,” Michelle commented. “You know, Wolfgirl, you should get one of those clip-on tails; I bet he’d really dig it. It would certainly improve whatever you call that getup.” She gestured distastefully towards Sophia. “And what’s with that atrocity against fashion you’ve been wearing on your head all week?”

Body wrong. Can’t feel tail. Where fur? Stand on four paws, not two. Sophia gritted her teeth against a wave of intense dissonance. No! I’m not a wolf!

“Will you just fuck off?” Sophia channeled her frustration outward as she whirled around.

Michelle took a noticeable step back as Sophia’s angry eyes met hers.

“Oooh, she gettin’ mad!” Someone called out. “Better watch it, or she might bite you!”

Oh, do I want to.

“I’m just trying to help,” Michelle said with a laugh. “I’m not sure why I’m bothering, though. Dogs aren’t supposed to wear clothes.”

How dare she challenge me! Put the two-leg in her place!

Before Sophia could move, their gym teacher called from the locker room door, “Alright, girls, time to head to the gym!”

“Better get dressed, Wolfgirl,” Michelle said with a smirk as she started for the door.

Another class down, three to go. Sophia watched her biology class’s Beta fish swim in place as she waited for the bell. But then what? A dance I’m only going to because I hope it gives me a reason to keep going? To convince myself I’m really best off staying human? Her eyes followed a ripple as it traveled down the fish’s tail. That my body doesn’t feel completely wrong or that I want to run on all fours? Or that nothing compares to the feeling of tearing into prey with my own teeth?

“You coming?” Logan’s voice pierced her thoughts.

“Hmm?” She looked up at him dumbly, suppressing the urge to sniff.

Just use your eyes.

“The bell rang, class is over,” Logan told her with a nervous chuckle.

“Oh,” Sophia looked around, embarrassed to see that everyone else was in the process of leaving. “I guess I zoned out.”

I can’t even look at Logan without being reminded of… him.

“Are you… crying?” Logan asked.

Am I? Sophia reached up and brushed the side of her cheek. I guess so.

“I, uh, had something in my eye,” Sophia fibbed, rubbing along her lower eyelid. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll probably be another minute.”

I really don’t feel like talking right now.

“I can wait.” Logan shrugged and sat down across from her. “Still on for tomorrow at 5:30?”

Sophia tensed briefly before catching herself. Sophia, not Wolfgirl. You’re going on a date with him, remember?

“Yep!” She tried to sound enthusiastic. “I’m really excited.”

“That’s good to hear,” Logan replied, scratching the back of his neck. “I saw you got to class a little late. Everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah, I was in the bathroom,” Sophia told him, wincing as her abdomen reminded her another visit was in order. “I’m not sure lunch agreed with me.”

That doesn’t explain why you waited for the bell to leave, though…

“Ready?” Logan prompted, and Sophia realized she had just been sitting there.

“Yeah, sure,” she said quickly and stood. “Sorry, I have a bit of a headache. I’ll be better tomorrow; I’m sure.”

No you won’t.

“I have some pain reliever in my locker, if that would help,” Logan offered as they walked out of the classroom.

“That would be wonderful,” she replied gratefully, rubbing her temples.

At least he’s willing to be seen with me.

“How’d you do on the test we got back?” Logan asked conversationally.

Sophia grimaced, her eyes flitting around nervously. “I’ve done better.”

I’m really not getting used to having no sense of smell.

“Ouch,” Logan replied. “I did alright.”

Then he went silent, and Sophia felt the hair on her arms rise as he looked at her. Her lips tightened as though she was preparing to bare her teeth. With an effort, she forced herself to relax, hoping he hadn’t noticed.

Why am I reacting this way?

“You’ve seemed really on edge this week,” Logan observed. “As much as I dig the whole vibe you've been doing the last few weeks, it’s been a little much this week. Maybe you could, uh, dial it back?”

“What do you mean?” Sophia asked defensively.

“You know, the whole ‘Wolfgirl’ vibe,” Logan stammered. “Like, how you’ve started wearing fangs and contacts and sort of prowling or sniffing like a wolf?”

What? Sophia looked at him askance.

“Isn’t that what you’ve been doing?” Logan asked, sounding taken aback. 

That’s why he’s been talking to me this entire time? Sophia felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. But I really need this to work…

“Sure, yeah,” she replied with a shrug.

“Don’t get me wrong, the ‘sona works really well for you,” Logan assured her quickly. “It’s just getting on all fours in class and snarling at the teacher is a little extra.” He laughed nervously.

He really is into dogs…

“I…” Sophia started, noticing several people staring at her. “Yeah, I got a little carried away yesterday.”

“I mean, it’s cool and all, but time and place,” Logan said as he stopped in front of a locker with a grin. “Maybe when we’re alone somewhere, you could show me more of it.”

Sophia felt herself blushing furiously. “Maybe…”

What am I doing?Shadow would never…

Out of the corner of her eye, Sophia noticed Michelle across the hall, watching them. Feeling vulnerable, Sophia desperately fought the urge to get onto all fours and find somewhere – anywhere – to hide.

“Here.” Logan handed her a small, white tablet. “See you tomorrow.”

“Thanks,” Sophia managed before ducking away, feeling thoroughly humiliated.

If this is what I have to do… Then I’ll do it, but is this really what you wanted for me, Mom?