Imperfect Desires

'I saw a dream last night,' he had said while drinking his soft drink. There was silence at the other end waiting for him to continue. 'I was standing under the fairy lights. But not alone. I was holding someone's hand. Fair, long and slender fingers. So soft to touch that I was scared to bruise them.'

'Ohhh! Someone had a romantic dream. Who was the girl?' came the excited and teasing voice.

'Will you let me finish? I didn't see the face. But I vividly remember the feeling and emotions that spread throughout my heart,' said Darren with a dreamy sigh.

'Dreams have feelings as well?' she asked. 'I never heard that. My dreams only left me with fear. Because I always end up falling from somewhere in my dreams. Anyway, what did you feel?'

'I felt like I wanted to hug her and keep her safe forever. Like I wanted to hold that hand forever and never let it go again. Like I wanted her to be mine. Just mine.' He sounded so content and yet sad. 'Just as soon as I was about to kiss her, my stupid dream broke.'

'Hahaha!' he heard a peal of hysterical laughter from the other end. 'It suddenly took a sad turn and somehow it's making me laugh.'

Darren didn't say anything even when she laughed at him. How could he when he loved hearing her laughter? What he didn't tell Chen Xiu back then was that she was the girl he saw in his dream but he never even imagined how the next moment she sang the exact same song to him in her soft and beautiful voice would come back to him like that.

Darren's mind was buzzing as he stared at Xiu playing the piano with a stupified expression. The lyrics, the melody even the emotions were the same as he remembered except for the voice. His mind couldn't come up with any possible explanation as to why his Sweets knew the song Chen Xiu wrote for him?

Xiu noticed his skeptical look as she stood up and walked up to him. Taking his hand in her own she said, "Aren't you gonna say something?"

"How?" Darren took a moment before he managed to voice out only one word.

"Hmm... How do I know the song Chen Xiu wrote to tease you for the dream you shared with her?" voiced Xiu making Darren's mind go in another frenzy. "What do you think? What is your mind telling you?"

Darren furrowed his brows before saying hesitantly and uncertainly, "She shared it with you?"

Xiu smiled at his simple-mindedness as she replied, "But if Chen Xiu could share her heartfelt thoughts with anyone, why would she be so lonely? When her friend list only consisted of you and her assistant, then how could she share such a private thing with me?"

Darren knew that answer without any doubt he knew that Chen Xiu would never share something like that with anyone. "Then were you there?"

Xiu shrugged her shoulders as she said, "The only person who could enter her apartment was her assistant. Even her mother never bothered showing up. How could I be there then?" Xiu patted his shoulder as she added, "Why don't you try thinking out of the box? Perhaps that impossible thought in your head is the reality."

Darren's eyes moved with her words but he was adamant about not letting his mind go astray at any cost. How was that impossible possible? No matter how much he wanted it to be true, he couldn't blindly believe that. 

Xiu saw his hesitancy in his eyes clearly. "Just like piano keys, life also has two realities. First, are like white keys, right in front of us in the light. Second, are like black keys, hidden in the darkness of life. But just because we can't see them in darkness, we can't deny their presence or existence." Xiu took a deep breath as she took a step back and went on, "You're scared to say the third possibility. Let me say it out loud for you... The third possibility is..."

She lowered her head and when she raised it, her whole persona did a 180-degree shift as she smirked at him saying, "Should I introduce myself again? I'm Xiu. Chen Xiu." Darren's eyes widened once again as she continued, "Chen for the break of dawn and Xiu for beautiful. So, Chen Xiu for beautiful as the break of dawn." Darren staggered slightly as he looked straight into her eyes and couldn't believe what he saw. Even with a whole different appearance, her aura screamed of the same attention that Chen Xiu demanded. "This time, I won't say that the name is right for me. Because Chen Xiu's dawn has already turned to dusk."

Silence thickened between them as Darren couldn't stop looking at her helplessly and she kept biting her lips in anxiousness. Not being able to bear the silence, she said, "You're right when you said that you can't see her in me. How could you when I killed her with my own hands? When life offers you a second chance, you can't possibly go down the same route. That'd be insane. Just like that, I stopped living like a character who had to be perfect. Just like what you used to say, with this second chance, I wanted to find myself. I wanted to find the self-identity that I lost previously."

Her words reminded him so much of Chen Xiu and yet when he looked at her, he saw a different person or the same person? His mind was in a mess, playing games with his beliefs. Reincarnation or transmigration, whatever it was, it sounded ridiculous to him. Wasn't that just fantasy? A myth? How was he supposed to believe that it was a reality?

"I can understand if you don't believe me. I can even understand if you call me crazy. But I hope instead of logic, you focus on..." she placed her hand over his heart and said, "This. Listen to your heart. No matter how crazy it sounds. I hope you still listen to it."

Xiu dropped her hand to her side as she added, "I'll wait outside whenever you're ready to talk about it. Take your time. I know you have a million questions but you can ask anything whenever you're ready to hear the answer."