Imperfect Desires

Darren shared so many memories with Chen Xiu that putting them in words wasn't even possible for him. Especially when she had become just a memory as well. And without her, every memory of her could only bring tears to his eyes.

As his hand caressed her photo on the wall, a tear slid down his cheek as he said, "At first, I honestly believed that we met through pure coincidence but when that meeting led to some strange feelings, I realized that she wasn't just a coincidence in my life. She wasn't my destiny either. But she played a huge role in what I am today."

Xiu continued to look at his back with a blank expression. She hadn't moved an inch from her place as she tried to make sense of whatever he said. 

"Ah-Xiu's biggest fear in life was being forgotten. She always worked hard just so that people don't end up forgetting her in the changing tides of the entertainment industry." Xiu could hear sincere sadness and a sense of loss in his voice. She felt weird knowing that she was the reason he was this sad. "I promised her that I'll meet her a month before she committed suicide. But I couldn't keep the promise..."

Xiu's expression finally changed as she knitted her brows and asked curiously, "Why didn't you meet her then?" She really was curious to know the answer. Because she waited for the whole night but he didn't show up. And when she tried calling him, he didn't pick up. 

Darren stayed silent for a moment before saying, "It's not that I didn't want to. I really was looking forward to meeting her since she came all the way to Norway just to meet me. But..." he heaved a long sigh before adding, "My mom fainted at work and was hospitalized. My brain stopped working the moment I heard that my mother was in the hospital. She is my only family and I couldn't just leave her there. That was the first time I learned that mom was suffering from cancer and she hid that from me."

"I had already lost my grandfather because of cancer, I couldn't lose her. She was the only one I had. How could I think of anything at that time?"

Xiu slowly walked around the grand piano and took a seat before it as she buried her face in her hands. She wanted to laugh at how life played with her. She never really blamed him for not keeping his promise but she was hurt nonetheless. However, she felt like even that wasn't justified anymore. She would have chosen her mother over him as well if she was put in the same situation even though her mother wasn't even the best one.

"I tried calling Ah-Xiu, the night after but her cellphone was off. I knew she was angry and she had the right to be. So, I left her a message..."

Xiu recalled as she had gotten off the plane, and turned on her phone she had received his message that read, 'Sorry for not keeping the promise. Something urgent came up. I'll contact you as soon as I get a chance to.'

"But you never contacted her..." said Xiu softly with a heaviness in her voice that she couldn't shake off.

Darren was in a trance and didn't really question how she knew that he didn't contact Chen Xiu while he replied, "My days and nights were spent at the hospital with mom. I totally forgot about everything else." He shook his head remorsefully as he added, "How was I suppose to know that her whole world was shaken in just one month? And if anything, I honestly never thought that someone like her could commit suicide. Not because she was a coward. But because she was the strongest person I met in my life."

'Strongest?' The corner of Xiu's lips lifted up ironically.

"I hate the fact that I couldn't save her. I hate the fact that I couldn't come to her a little sooner," said Darren in a hoarse voice.

"Her death has nothing to do with you," said Xiu and Darren turned to look at her with knitted brows as she went on, "She couldn't save herself. It had nothing to do with anyone."

"You don't understand, Sweets. She needed someone to stand up for her, with her. But no one was there. Not even me," said Darren helplessly.

Xiu took a deep breath as she opened the lid of the piano and touched the black and white keys while she answered, "She needed to stand up for herself. She survived in that industry for over ten years because she depended solely on herself. What makes you think that at her last moment, she wanted someone else to stand up for her? You said she was the strongest person, then how come she was weak enough to wait for someone else to help her?"

Darren looked at her in confusion since he couldn't retort. He certainly knew how strong Chen Xiu was then... 

"You remember everything she said to you then how can you forget her life's motto? Wasn't Chen Xiu the person who said, 'I know things hurt but you should have a good cry once in a while and move on.'" Darren's eyes widened as he looked at Xiu oddly.

"How? How do you know that?" he questioned.

"How do I know that? Hmmm... Interesting question..." 

Xiu had a thoughtful look on her face as she stared back at the confusion on his face before she straightened up and softly pressed the piano keys producing a soft melody. "Should I sing you a song?"

♪♫I had a dream last night

You and I, standing under the fairy lights

I took your hand in mine in that dazzling haze

You looked at me in that mysterious way, babe♫♪

Darren stared at her frozen at his spot in shock as she continued to sing...

♪♫I felt something wasn't right

I wish those lips were on mine

Even though it was a summer night's dream

I still wish I could make you mine♫♪

Darren's mouth opened in disbelief. His whole body shook as a voice in his memory overlapped with the voice he could hear right now.

♪♫Can we go to a place called ours?

Can you hold me forever and ever?

And I wish it ah-ah all

Yeah, I wanted it ah, all

Can you give a 'yes' in reply-ly-ly?

Cause I wish you could be mi-mi-mi mine ♫♪