Chapter 170: A Place of Love and Understanding

“Wait, wait, wait!” the woman said, raising her hands defensively. “You know what will happen if you do that?”

“You die?” I asked. “That’s usually what happens when I kill someone. And sometimes I take their heads. I guess I cut off their hands too if I get the opportunity. Can’t let a good corpse go to waste, right?”

The woman quickly hid her hands behind her back. “I’m just the messenger! I just came here to check!”

“What was the message?” Aurelia asked with a slight scowl. She could sure look intimidating if she wanted to.

“I think the message is that she will kill us if we refuse to pay,” I answered helpfully.

“No! No! That was not the message,” the woman said, looking back and forth between me and Aurelia. “They just sent me to check what happened to Hanka’s team. Nothing more.”

“I don’t buy it.” I shook my head. “I think you came here to kill me in my sleep.”

“Or me.” Aurelia nodded.

“She definitely has professional killer vibes.” I took the tiara from the nightstand and put it on my head. “How do I look?”

The woman opened her mouth then closed it again. “Wha—”

“You look great!” Aurelia said. “It suits you. It really matches with your eyes and hair.”

“It does, doesn’t it.” I said.

“It does,” the woman agreed, a bead of sweat rolling down her temple.

“You know what would be wise?” I met the woman’s eyes. “If you told me your name and why you’re really here. I think that would be super smart.”

“It would, wouldn’t it?” her confused look was slowly turning into a contemplative one. “It really would. My name is Salomea. I was sent here to investigate what happened to Hanka’s crew, and if possible bring back the fee owed to the Banda Masvih.”

“There, doesn’t that make you feel better?”

“No? I don’t know?”

Maybe the tiara didn’t work all of the time. Weird. You’d think telling the truth would feel liberating.

“Look,” I said. “Obviously we can’t pay you guys. I mean, we could, but we won’t. And obviously we’d like to be friends. And I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking as soon as you get out of here you’re going to warn your buddies and they will send a bazillion guys after us. Buuuut, I think we can both agree that I would probably kill a lot of your buddies before you killed me or Aurelia. If you even could kill me. That one million gold bounty has been up there for a while now and I’m still here, and it’s not like I’m hiding or anything. Everyone who has tried to kill me is dead, some of them added to my ever-growing collection of heads. You feel me? That being said, I’m pretty friendly once you get to know me, right Aurelia?”

“Super friendly,” she nodded enthusiastically.

“So why don’t you introduce me to your boss, so I can explain everything and maybe we can work something out that will benefit us both. And then you get to keep your head, and mayor Aurelia gets to keep her money. That way everyone is happy, and only Hanka is dead.”

Aurelia raised a finger. “And the rest of Hanka’s crew as well. You killed them at the same time, so they are also dead.”

“Right. That’s true. And the mayor too. And everyone else who lived in this place is also dead.”

“You killed everyone?” Salomea asked.

I frowned. “Have you not been paying attention, Salomea? I told you I didn’t kill the mayor. This place was infested with strzygi when I got here, so they probably killed the townspeople. I killed like a million strzygi, including a matriarch, but I didn’t kill any people.”

“Except for Hanka and her crew,” Aurelia commented.

“Well, yeah,” I said. “Except them. But they came after. It’s been a busy day.”

Salomea’s face had turned white. “You did all this in a day?”

“Yeah, we just arrived yesterday.” I got out of bed and walked up to my belt, which was hanging off a chair. I held it out to Salomea. “See? That’s the matriarch’s head! Cute, isn’t it?”

Somehow Salomea’s face had turned an even paler shade of white. She was shaking now. “Is—is that…”

“Oh yeah,” I chuckled. “That’s Hanka! I believe you two have met before.”

Aurelia chuckled as well, and Salomea slowly turned to her. She looked terrified and apparently had no idea what to do with her hands—she kept fidgeting with them. The matriarch didn’t look that scary did it? It looked pretty cute in its shrunken down form, and since it was dead it obviously couldn’t hurt her anymore. Maybe she was a sensitive soul, or maybe a strzygi had eaten someone she knew at some point. That must have been traumatizing.

Salomea swallowed and clasped her hands together as if to stop them from shaking. It didn’t work. She kept glancing at the door.

I put my hand on Salomea’s shoulder, causing her to flinch. “Don’t worry, the matriarch is dead. She can’t hurt you.” I jiggled it a little in front of her face, but instead of laughing at how cute it was, she closed her eyes tightly and looked like she was about to cry.

“Hey hey, it’s okay,” I said softly, giving her shoulder a gentle, reassuring squeeze. Instead of being comforted, she yelped.

“It’s okay,” I said. “Let’s just put the bad monster away for now, alright?”

That was inconsiderate of me, who knew what she’d been through, especially with all these strzygi around here. I casually tossed my belt on the bed. Salomea let out a trembling breath, but didn’t open her eyes.

“See? Out of sight out of mind,” I said, turning to Aurelia. “Kasia said to approach these situations from a place of love and understanding. Do you think I’m doing a good job?”

“You’re being incredibly magnanimous, Hecate,” Aurelia agreed, nodding elegantly. “A lesser murderous demon-witch would have already added her head to her collection. Your emotional intelligence has evolved significantly. The only thing more radiant than your gentle heart is your hair.”

I giggled, then realized she hadn’t just complimented my hair and heart, but also called me a murderous demon-witch. “Aurelia, is that really what you think of me?”

She shrugged. “I added the demon part to make it sound more dramatic, but you are a murderous witch.”

“What? You think I’m murderous?”

“You have killed a lot of people.”

“In self defense! Or the defense of others! I can’t believe this! I’m basically a paragon of the light! A fighter for justice! Protector of the weak!”

Aurelia crossed her arms, unimpressed.

I rolled my eyes at her. “You and me are going to have a long talk after I take care of Salomea.”

Salomea started sobbing.

“See?!” I said, gesturing at poor Salomea. “See what you’ve done, Aurelia? Now you’ve made her cry! You know she’s a sensitive soul.”

“Please don’t kill me,” Salomea whispered through sobs.

“I hope you’re proud of yourself,” I said, scowling at Aurelia. “Now she thinks you’re going to kill her.”

Salomea dropped to her knees and grabbed my legs. “Please,” she cried. “I’ll do anything.”

I patted her on her head. “It’s alright, Aurelia probably won’t hurt you.”

“You’re the one who killed Hanka,” Aurelia said.

“That’s debatable. Though I guess one could argue that technically, we both did.” I patted Salomea’s head again. “Don’t listen to her. I’m no demon, and I’m only a little bit murdery sometimes. I have warmth and kindness in my heart. I approach people from a position of love and understanding.”

Salomea’s sobbing only intensified and she buried her face into the soft cotton of my cloud-robe, completely ignoring my reassuring words. She was wetting it, which was pretty inconsiderate of her considering I had just gotten it. I decided to let it go, since she was obviously going through a lot. Maybe I’d ask her boss to compensate me for a new one, since I had a feeling those salty tears and snot wouldn’t be good for the extremely soft fibers of the fabric.

“Look, Salomea,” I said, gently pulling my legs back a bit so she wouldn’t ruin my robe further. “You can get up now. If you keep crying your eyes will get puffy and ugly.”

She slowly got back up, looking at me with puffy, red eyes. Her blonde ponytail was also coming undone. It was too late for her. She looked like a mess. I glanced down at where she’d put her face. I saw a milky white strand of snot and a large wet patch on the previously perfect deep purple fabric. I sighed. So much for my new robe. Somehow it always bit me in the ass when I didn’t shoot everyone on sight. I thought approaching people from a place of love and understanding was supposed to be rewarding?

Salomea noticed it as well and gasped. She quickly moved to wipe it off, but I stepped aside, causing her to tumble onto the floor.

“Don’t touch me!” I yelled, much louder than I intended to.

“Do it,” Aurelia said with a wicked grin, nodding at Salomea.

“Please, no!” Salomea, said, curling into a ball.

I groaned. “You’re really not helping, Aurelia.” I turned back to Salomea. “I think it’s best that you leave now and tell your boss he’ll want to have a chat with mayor Aurelia to discuss their relationship going forward. Now, I would like to go back to bed, and I would also appreciate it if the next time we see each other I’ll be compensated for my new night robe. I’ve only had it for a few hours, you know.” I shook my head, deeply saddened. “Such a waste.”

“I’ll tell him,” she said, voice cracking. “I—I’m leaving now.”

“Safe travels,” Aurelia said with a wave, smiling brightly.

Salomea scrambled up from the floor so fast she nearly tripped over her own boots. She didn’t look back at Aurelia, and she didn’t look at the matriarch’s head. She kept her eyes locked on me as she backed toward the door, her hands groping behind her. When she found the doorframe she turned and bolted out.

I turned to Aurelia, who was already staring at me with a big grin. “Well, that went well.”

“Indeed,” she agreed.