Chapter 169: Indisposed

By the time we left the inn everyone had already left the town square. I figured it would have been a bit much to ask for them to wait for me, since it was pretty late. I guess that meant that skill selection had been postponed until the morning, which was fine by me because I’d gotten pretty tired after such an eventful day. They also hadn’t cleaned anything up, which was unfortunate, but thankfully also not my problem.

I had earned a good night’s rest. Not getting enough sleep is bad for your skin and hair, and Goddess forbid I get bags under my eyes. Or a pimple! I wondered how long it had been since I last slept (probably too long) so I ran into my house, then sprinted into the bedroom.

I skidded to a halt in front of the big mirror and feverishly inspected my face. No pimples. No bags. Yet. I did look exhausted.

“Acceptable,” I whispered to myself, turning my head to inspect my side profile.

Still, I couldn’t take any chances. I cleansed my face with some olive oil and saw I was running low. I made a mental note to ask Ola to get me some more. Then I gently wiped everything off with a soft piece of cloth. After that I rubbed a bit of lavender infused olive oil into my scalp. Gotta keep everything moisturized. It felt good to have time to take care of myself again.

I finished my routine with a satisfied nod to myself in the mirror. When I got to the bed I noticed Ola had left a robe made of extremely fine cotton on top of it. It was a deep purple and extremely soft to the touch. I assumed I was supposed to wear this to bed. When I put it on, it felt like I was wearing a cloud. Yeah, it was definitely something to wear to bed.

I crawled into the bed, which had the perfect hardness. And the blanket? Also soft like a cloud. When I pulled it up to my chin it felt like I was swimming in clouds. Pyrion was still staring at me from up above. I could definitely get used to this. I earned this. This was great.

As soon as I closed my eyes I was gone.

I dreamt of floating through the clouds, my hair elegantly flowing behind me, rays of sunshine enhancing its natural shine. It was a beautiful dream, just me and my hair. Not a care in the world. No worries.

At least it was, until the clouds turned dark. Something felt wrong, like someone was watching me, not in the dream, but outside of it.

My eyes snapped open and saw someone at the foot of my bed, staring at me. A woman with long blonde hair tied into a ponytail.

“Care to explain?” the mystery woman said.

“You explain!” I said. “You’re in my bedroom.”

“Where is Bujok?”

Bujok? I felt like I’d heard that name before. Who was he again? Hmmmm. Oh right, the mayor. Whose bedroom this used to be.

“He, uh, is indisposed,” I answered.

She narrowed her eyes. “Indisposed…”

I nodded. “Indisposed.”

“Indisposed how?”

“Well, funny thing that.” I was going to tell her he slipped and died, but that didn’t go so well last time. It really wasn’t that slippery I suppose. No one would believe it. So I told her the next best thing. “You see, there was this lady named Anna Sikorzanka. And the mayor refused to pay her, so she killed him.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Bujok refused to pay?”

I threw up my hands. “Crazy right? I was like come on Bujok, you gotta! You gotta pay! The guys are serious! And he was like heck no! I won’t pay! And that’s when Anna killed him.”

“Bujok always paid.”

I shook my head, frowning and trying to look sad. “Not this time.”

“If that’s true, then where is Hanka? And she never calls herself Anna, or mentions her family name.”

“She did this time. She was like I’m Anna Sikorzanka and I will kill you for not paying the regional stabilization fee! And then she took that flaming mace of hers and she hit him right on top of the head and he died. It was very scary.”

The woman put her hands on her hips. “Right… And how come you’re not scared now?”

“Me?” I asked innocently. “I’m terrified. I promise. Super scared.”

“I don’t believe you.”

I pointed at my chest. “Me? Why would I lie to you?”

“I’ll ask you once more,” she said, leaning in. “What happened to Hanka’s crew?”

There was no getting past this woman. She clearly was very intelligent and perceptive and even my cleverest misdirection had not convinced her. I should have gone to bed with the tiara on.

I sighed, then shrugged. “I guess I sort of… killed them?”

“Now that I do believe. And Bujok? Did you kill him too?”

“No, I don’t know who killed him. Probably strzygi, but I’m not sure.”

For a moment the woman looked as if she didn’t know how to proceed. Then she squinted again. “I feel like I’ve seen you before. You remind me of someone.”

“I just have a very common face I guess. There are tons of people that look like me.”

“You’re that witch.” the mystery woman pointed at me. “The one from the one million gold bounty.”

Man, there really was no getting past this woman. Maybe she had some kind of super perceptive class. Maybe she was a genius like me.

“Guilty,” I said, smiling my most charming smile. “That’s me.”

“Why are you not scared?” she asked. “Do you know who you killed? Do you know who we are?”

“I don’t know who you are, because you never told me. But I know about Banda Masvih, yeah. I knew Anna—or Hanka—too, albeit briefly. Before I killed her and her crew.”

The woman looked like she didn’t know if she should be angry or confused. “And you’re not afraid I will kill you for the bounty?”

“Are you planning to?”

She pinched the bridge of her nose. “How are you this calm?”

“What are people usually like?” I asked, curious.

“Usually they are pretty scared.” She thought for a second. “Sometimes they scream, sometimes they cry. Sometimes they try to run or beg. There’s usually lots of begging and crying.”

“I could pretend to cry if it would make you feel better?”

“What? Why would that—” she shook her head. “You’re not even wearing anything! Why are you so calm?”

I pulled down the blanket, revealing my luxurious night robe. “I’m wearing this. Look. You can touch it if you want. It’s like wearing a cloud.”

“What?!”

“What, what? I meant it’s soft and I imagine clouds are soft as well. I mean, they look soft. They call this an analogy. It’s a figure of speech that compares two different things to illustrate a concept. Like Hanka’s head was like a melon. Because it was big and round, and also because it exploded like a melon when I, you know, killed her. Actually no it didn’t pop, it just came off and then—” I stopped myself just in time. This lady probably wouldn’t appreciate knowing that I hung her colleague’s head from my belt.

The woman stared at me with her mouth open.

“Better shut that trap,” I said pointing. “You’ll catch flies!” I chuckled at my clever joke. I was in full analogy mode now. Anything could be an analogy. This mystery woman had put me in an analogic mood.

After some time she regained her composure. “Let me get this straight. You killed mayor Bujok. Then you killed Hanka’s team. Why?”

“Look mystery lady, I didn’t kill the mayor. I did kill Hanka’s team but they started it. And why? I don’t know. They wanted me to give them money and I didn’t feel like it.”

She looked perplexed. “You didn’t… you didn’t feel like it.”

“What’s with the look. Would you give me money if I asked you for it?”

“No.”

“See. Not so strange, is it?”

“Who’s the new mayor?”

This lady was all business! I summoned Aurelia-me behind her and pointed. “That’s the new mayor. Mayor Lady Aurelia.”

The woman turned around, startled. “Where did you—”

“Pleasure to meet you,” Aurelia-me said. “Now tell me, why are you here? In my manor? It is quite rude to enter a person’s residence without invitation.”

“Who—”

“Lady Aurelia, dummy!” she said with a warm smile. “Now answer me before my bodyguard takes your head and hangs it from her belt like she did with Hanka.”

“Seriously?!” I threw my hands up, exasperated. “I wasn’t—I didn’t plan on telling her that! Now she might feel awkward! You know how people get when I hang their friends’ heads from my belt. They get all weird about it.”

The woman looked between us, unsure how to respond, then turned her attention to Aurelia. ”I take it you have no intention of paying the fee?”

Aurelia smiled. “Hecate,” She gave a single nod at the lady. “Kill her.”