Chapter 166: Wall of Thorns

It was clear to me which skill I would have to take. I had five skill points available to me, so this time Vasil wasn’t going to be able to talk me out of taking it. But besides the obvious, what else should I pick? I did promise to invest more into Ambelios’ side of things, and I should probably consult Vasil to make sure I went about this the right way. I just hoped he wasn’t going to start talking about birds again.

“So, Vasil,” I said, already fearing he was about to try to convince me not to take my precious skill. “Besides [Stunt Double], what else should I invest in? I need something to help me get through this Banda Masvih encounter and I promised Ambelios I’d look into his skills.”

Vasil, however, looked like he approved. “Ah, yes, [Stunt Double]. That skill has a lot more value now that you also have [Disguise Self], even if the copy cannot do your hair.”

“Yet. Not yet. But I have faith that we will find an offering that will allow me to fix that egregious oversight in skill design.”

“What’s [Stunt Double]?” Bogumir asked.

My eyebrows involuntarily went up. “You don’t know what [Stunt Double] does?”

“Yes, Hecate, I know exactly what it does, which is why I’m asking you what it does.” His face looked like it couldn’t decide if he was upset or exhausted. “Because I always ask questions when I already know the answer.”

“That’s a weird thing to do. Why would you do that?”

He crossed his arms. “You know what? I don’t even want to know anymore. I don’t care.”

“I thought you already knew? You just said you already knew.”

He scowled and turned away from me. Maybe he didn’t know and was only pretending to know, but was too proud to admit he didn’t know. I hesitated if I should just read the description aloud or if he would be offended because that might look like I thought he didn’t know. Or maybe he was upset because he didn’t know and he wanted me to read it, because that was kind of what he asked before he started acting all annoyed with me. At this point my maze of thoughts was starting to confuse even myself, so I decided to read the description and be done with it.

[Stunt Double]

Type: Active

Finally, someone else can get shot for you.

Creates an autonomous illusion of yourself. It deals no damage but may confuse enemies. Medium upkeep cost.

Bogumir side-eyed me, then said, “Thanks.” And it kind of sounded like he whispered bitch after that, but I wasn’t sure.

I decided to let it slide. Partly because I wasn’t certain that he actually said it, and partly because I figured someone who walks the Path of the Self was above that. He could mutter under his breath all he wanted, I was above that. I was a strong, beautiful woman with flawless hair. Words couldn’t hurt me. A lot of things couldn’t hurt me, actually, thanks to [Mana Shield], but especially not words. Especially Bogumir’s words. Doubly so now he was comically small.

“Little bastard,” I whispered back at him.

His head snapped toward me. “What did you just say?”

“Huh?” I replied, feigning confusion. “Say what?”

“Did you just call me a little bastard?”

“Me? What?” I put my hand on my heart and tried my hardest to look almost offended. “I wouldn’t! Maybe it was the wind.”

He put his little hands on his little hips. “The wind called me a little bastard?”

I rolled my eyes.“I don’t think the wind called you anything, Bogumir. I don’t think the wind can talk. Is that what you guys believe here? Do you have conversations with the wind? Do you also argue with rocks?”

“I—We don’t think that! You called me a little bastard!”

“Did not,” I said crossing my arms.

“Did too!” he said, stomping his foot like an angry toddler. “I heard you!”

Kasia frowned.

He threw up his arms. “You know what? Fuck you all. I’m above this. You are all children. I need a drink. Ola? Can you point me to the vodka?”

She pointed at the Golden Wheel inn and he stomped off. After a few paces he turned around, cupped his hands around his mouth and whisper-yelled, “biiiiiitch!” Then continued on stomping to the inn.

“I heard that!” I called after him. “You called me a bitch!”

He raised his middle finger, but did not stop walking.

“You think he’s upset?” I asked Vasil.

He gave me one of his classic flat stares. “Yes.”

“But he called me a bitch first right?”

“He did.”

“I knew it!”

I totally didn’t want to call him a little bastard again, and he was already gone so I couldn’t even if I wanted to. Which I didn’t, because I was not that petty, unlike him.

Vasil sighed. “Let it go, Hecate. You let yourself get distracted too often. Not every perceived slight deserves a response, you should know that by now.”

“Vasil is sort of right, you know,” Kasia said. “Bogumir tries his best, but you have to remember he’s in a pretty awful situation. Plus your personalities clash, because you guys don’t understand each other. These constant misunderstandings are made worse because you’re both so stubborn. You don’t even try to understand each other.”

“I try!” I said defensively. “He’s just always calling me names.”

“But you do the same, Hecate.”

I wanted to say I didn’t, but I knew she was right. Then I wanted to tell her that he started it, but that didn’t matter—I didn’t like it when Bogumir did it, and he probably didn’t like it when I did it either. Even if he started it.

“So…” I said. “How do I learn to understand Bogumir?”

Kasia smiled. “You could start by asking yourself why he reacts like that. Or even better, ask him.”

“Ask… him?”

“Are you a mind reader?”

“You know I’m not.”

“So perhaps you should ask him why he feels a certain way or responds in a certain way before making assumptions. Before lashing out at him.”

“He’s lashing out at me!”

Kasia stepped closer and put her hand on my arm. “Hecate, you two are more alike than you think. No one probably taught him how to communicate properly either. You heard the way he talked about his father. I don’t think he had a very happy childhood. I highly doubt they ever had a normal conversation. Or that his father ever asked him how he felt. It’s not normal to scream or curse at each other. Especially not if you’re friends. It’s okay to disagree sometimes, and sometimes you will not understand each other, but you don’t have to be so mean about it. You will see that if you just try to understand the other person they will feel a lot better, and so will you. And then a small misunderstanding will be just that—a small misunderstanding. And no one will have to get upset.”

I stared at my boots. Kasia’s words did not bounce off my [Mana Shield] and I suddenly felt very self-conscious. I thought of home. I thought of my mother.

“You know,” I said. “My mother also never asked me how I felt.” I cleared my throat. “She only told me what to do. ‘Hecate, sit up straight.’ ‘Hecate, memorize this prayer.’ ‘Hecate, a lady of your standing does not climb trees.’ ‘Hecate, take [Katarologa].’ She never once asked me what I wanted. She never once asked me how I felt. Everything was a command. It felt like what I wanted didn’t matter. That how I felt didn’t matter. Maybe… like I didn’t matter.”

Kasia’s eyes softened even more, a look of profound empathy crossing her face. “I know. But what you want does matter. How you feel matters. You matter,” she said softly, keeping her hand on my arm. “Bogumir also matters, and I know he matters to you as well. Else you would have killed him already. I think you see the same as I do.”

“I…”

“Just like you, he has built a wall of thorns around himself. And that’s understandable. That wall will shield you from the outside, but you have to make sure it doesn’t hurt the ones you care about. You both were not treated how you deserved, and that left its marks on you, but that doesn’t mean that you should let those marks define you or define how you treat others.”

She put her hand on my other arm and looked into my eyes. “Instead of assuming he’s out to attack you, and immediately getting defensive, why not try to approach it from a place of love?”

“Love?” I asked, confused.

“Love,” she repeated. “Like I said, instead of getting defensive, try to understand the other person first. That’s coming from a place of love. You care about us, I know that. I feel that. You have a lot of love, Hecate, even if you sometimes try to hide it, and sometimes it gets pushed to the side because you’re so quick to think someone is attacking you, but you do. You really do. When you talk to him like you did, he responded in the only way he knew how. The same way you did. Really, it was a cry for understanding. He wants to be understood. He wants to be valued. Everyone does.”

She stepped back, letting go of my arms. “You’re friends, whether you realize it or not. Treat him like one.”

“You’re right,” I said. “I… I didn’t realize what I was doing. I didn’t realize any of this.”

“And that’s alright,” Kasia said. “Just try to be aware of it. You’ll feel better.”

I started walking toward the Golden Wheel. “I should apologize to Bogumir.”