Because I Cannot Hurt You

"Ah yes, the file!"

He spoke a little loudly that made her jump in a scare. Both of them were already jumpy since last night. Nobody knew if they should talk about it or just avoid the topic and let it go.

He widened his eyes, seeing her step back.

"Sorry!" Zhiyuan was apologetic. "I-I scared you. I...I am feeling a little sick so…"

What nonsense am I spouting? Such horrible excuses!

Xinyi was taken aback. "You are sick?"

She hurriedly kept the file on the table and rushed towards him. She placed the back of her palm on his forehead. In the light of his health, all of her anxiety flew away.

Zhiyuan stiffened. Just a moment ago, they were apprehensive and stood at a distance, but now she was suddenly so close to him. His gaze lowered as he saw her worriedly checking on him. 

"You don't seem to have a fever. But we can't be sure. Maybe it's a cold."

Her brows scrunched up in thought, making Zhiyuan stare at her in a stupor. Once again, his sight unconsciously fell on her lips. He took a sharp breath and their intimate moment flashed in his mind.

He was going to kiss those lips last night…

Zhiyuan felt a strange urge to hold her. There was restlessness growing in his chest. He felt his throat jammed to say anything because at this moment just like last night, he wanted to press his lips on hers. He wanted to taste and slowly devour them as they mingled. At such proximity, her natural scent was working like an aphrodisiac, making him feel dizzy.

"I don't think you should work today-"

Still in deep thoughts, she looked up at him and froze. She didn't realize when they had gotten so close. They could hear the other's soft, raspy breaths in that silence.

Zhiyuan clenched his fist as he tried to control his thoughts from going haywire. 

Stop it! Stop it!

Xinyi quickly took a step back, widening the distance between them. Zhiyuan felt a little chilly with the warmth suddenly gone.

The awkwardness in the atmosphere settled once again. 

No, no! I cannot go on like this! Zhiyuan thought. I have to clear everything otherwise...ahhh I cannot bear this tension anymore!

Zhiyuan said, "That l-last night-"

Xinyi stiffened and quickly cut his words. "That you are sick!"

He blinked his eyes. "Huh?"

She lowered her head and clasped her hands together. "You may have caught a cold, s-so you shouldn't work today...if you want, I can attend the meeting for you…"

"No, I am not sick…"

She pursed her lips. "But you just said you were feeling sick. Don't lie and push yourself."

Last night...I don't want to talk about it.

She was really afraid to listen to what he had to say. Maybe he would say it was a mistake? Maybe he would apologize? 

And somehow, she didn't want to hear that…

She didn't know how or why it happened, but even for a little while, even for just a small moment, she felt special. She felt closer to Zhiyuan. At that precious moment, she even felt as if Zhiyuan was hers.

And Xinyi didn't want to hear his apology...once again.

Zhiyuan was stumped. "No, I am not talking about that."

Suddenly, they heard his assistant's voice. "Sir, the meeting is going to start."

Xinyi grabbed the file and quickly said, "I will attend the meeting. Don't worry, I know all the details so it wouldn't be a problem. You are sick, so you should head back home…"

Xinyi didn't meet his eyes and turned to leave.

Before he could stop her, she was already gone. "Wait Xinyi!"

Silence.

Zhiyuan laughed self-deprecatingly. A painful and prickly feeling arose in his chest.

She doesn't want to talk about it. She is avoiding me. 

When she had stepped away from him, he felt hurt and a certain tightness enveloped his heart.

It is all my fault. I ruined everything...does she hate me now? 

---

The next day at school, Siying was finally relieved to meet Leina. He saw Chyou with her too, and his eyes brightened. "Leina! Chyou!"

Leina and Chyou waved their hands though Chyou seemed sad.

Siying frowned. "Why are you sad?"

Tears pooled in her eyes. "Dada yelled at me yesterday," she sniffled, "and he also said that I cannot go to meet Aunty Xinyi anymore. I am not talking to Dada!"

Now Siying was about to cry too. "En...Mama also said that I cannot take classes from Aunty Caihong anymore…"

Leina pursed her lips in seeing the two on the verge of crying. She smacked their heads. "No crying! We have a super important thing to discuss!"

Siying nodded hard. Chyou looked questioningly. "What important thing?"

They said everything until now what they had discussed. Siying also mentioned how their plan to make them spend time alone failed.

"Mama and Dada looked strange! They weren't talking!" His eyes teared up. "Will Mama and Dada really go away?"

Leina harrumphed. "Oof! Don't give up! My Dada said that Mama loves him because he never gave up. So Mama fell in love with him."

He sniffled. "En... what do we do now?"

They seriously thought hard.

Leina's eyes sparkled. "I got it! Picnic!"

Siying and Chyou were confused. "What?"

"The teacher said that we are going on a picnic next week with our Mama and Dada! My Dada said that Mama and he also got closer because of a trip! So we will do something to make them lovey-dovey on our school picnic!"

Siying's small face bloomed in joy. Chyou fidgeted with her fingers. "C-can I also do that to make my Mama and Dada lovey-dovey?"

If this trip was a hope to make Xinyi and Zhiyuan grow closer then she wanted to try this with Xiaosi and Caihong too. What if something changed between them and their family too could become happy like others?

Leina brightened. "Yes! At this picnic, we will do something that will make them lovey-dovey for sure! This time we will not fail!"

---

The same evening at the Han villa, Siying hopped at his parent's side. "Mama! Dada!"

They were still jittery around each other but as soon as Siying came, the atmosphere eased up.

Xinyi picked him up in her arms. "My Siying looks so happy today? Did something good happen at kindergarten?"

"En! The teacher said that we have a picnic next week! And and! Everybody's Mama and Dada are also coming! Mama! We are going on a picnic!"

Zhiyuan paused from reading his file. 

Picnic?

"Oh…" Xinyi's smile slightly faltered. "That's really nice…"

Going on a picnic wasn't a problem, but she felt nervous about going with Zhiyuan. 

Siying eagerly glanced between Xinyi and Zhiyuan. He couldn't wait for that day to arrive and execute their plan.

He ran to Zhiyuan's side. "Dada! You will come too right! We will have lots of fun!"

Zhiyuan peeked at Xinyi. If possible, he would have made an excuse to miss the picnic. He knew how things were uncomfortable between them now and he didn't want to make it more awkward.

But on the other hand, Siying was excited and looking forward to this picnic. If he denied him, wouldn't he feel sad?

He ruffled his head. "Of course…"

"Yayyy!!!"

"How many classes are a part of this picnic?"

"Leina and my class and Chyou's class!"

Xinyi and Zhiyuan stiffened.

So that meant Caihong and Xiaosi would be there too…

The atmosphere instantly turned gloomy and serious. Even now as he recalled Xiaosi's words and their confrontation, his blood boiled in anger. He clenched his fists.

Caihong…

How was she living with that man who assaulted her?

Siying said, "I have to go now! I have a list to make about the picnic!" He dashed away. 

Xinyi pursed her lips. Things would become once again complicated once they meet face to face on the picnic.

What if they get into a fight once again? 

"Zhiyuan…"

He glanced at her.

"I know you are furious at Xiaosi for what happened but…"

"I know, Xinyi. I won't lose my calm on the picnic," Zhiyuan said, "Only for the kids, I will not do anything this time," he clenched his fist.

She softly nodded.

She realized that things were still awkward between them. She quickly said, "I will check if Siying needs my help."

Zhiyuan watched her go, but he couldn't do anything to stop her. It was clear that Xinyi was hesitant to talk about the matter and he didn't know how long this awkwardness would last between them. It felt as if she was growing farther and farther away from him and that settled an uneasy feeling in his heart.

Xinyi…

He didn't want her to hate him, but it was clear that she was avoiding him. He didn't like the distance, but he didn't know what to do to bridge it.

Zhiyuan sighed and leaned back on the bed. For now, he had another thing to confront with Shuang.

He dialed her number. "I want to meet you."