Because I Cannot Hurt You

Shuang stepped out of her car as she reached the spot where Zhiyuan asked her to come. 

"Yo Zhiyuan. What makes you remember me?"

Silence.

"What's wrong? Why aren't you saying anything? Hey, I have loads of work to do, you know. If you are not saying anything, I am leaving."

Zhiyuan's cold gaze penetrated her, and she instantly realized that something was wrong. "You knew everything about Caihong's situation, but you didn't tell me anything," he spoke in a detached tone.

She froze.

"I take your silence as a yes."

Shuang said nothing.

"But what shocks me the most is that of all people, you suggested Mr. An let Caihong marry Xiaosi."

In her mind, she was thinking of all scenarios.

How does he know? Xiaosi? No...he won't tell him anything himself.

Dad? No. He won't either.

Mom…

Zhiyuan met Mom in jail and she told him. Why would she tell him though? She absolutely doesn't want Zhiyuan to pity Caihong.

Then it struck her.

Shuang quietly asked, "So you let my Mom free in exchange for the truth?"

"Do you think I would let that woman free who harmed my son?" He questioned her back. 

So he played her, Shuang thought.

"It doesn't matter how I got to know. I just want to know from you what you were thinking when you suggested her to marry the man who assaulted her?"

Shuang saw him growing impatient. It was faint, but he was gritting his teeth as if he was holding his anger back.

"Say something Shuang! Your silence is not gonna help you. I know you and Caihong were never close as sisters, but I thought that even if you don't care about her, at least you won't cause her any trouble either! Then why did you convince your father to make them marry!? Were you in your senses? Xiaosi forced himself on her and you suggested Caihong marry that same man and suffer for the rest of her life with him?"

Shuang slowly clenched her fists. 

He angrily laughed. "And for what reason? That it would be tough for Caihong to live in society? That people would mock her?"

Zhiyuan stepped further and said in a low voice, "Since when did you start to bother with these things? You never cared about what people thought. You never even cared about what your own mother thought. You lived the way you want to and you never gave a damn about society or people. So why did you suddenly think that way for Caihong?"

Shuang bit her lip. The memories of that incident were swirling and storming her mind endlessly. But she couldn't say a word.

"I imagined you would say that who are others to judge or mock her? So what if Caihong was forced? That didn't mean that she would have to live her life fearing other people's comments or feel ashamed of herself. This is your personality, Shuang. Not the nonsense that you fed Mr. An!"

His loud voice thundered in the area, but Shuang remained calm and quiet.

Zhiyuan was frustrated by Shang's silence. It was understandable if Mrs. An had provoked her husband to let Caihong marry Xiaosi. But not Shuang.

"I kept asking you for the truth, but you said nothing! I was crazily searching for my answers all these years, but you and your family kept quiet all along! Why? Why did you side with Xiaosi? Even on the cruise, it didn't seem like you hated him for what he did to Caihong. I don't understand why?"

He laughed. "Weren't you the most fearsome woman in our college? Nobody dared stand against you. So why didn't that fearsome woman stand for her sister!? Why did you ruin Caihong's life?"

"ENOUGH!"

The bar of her patience finally broke apart. She slowly raised her head and met his gaze, equally fierce and determined. But the corner of her eyes was slightly shining in tears.

Zhiyuan slightly widened his eyes. He had never seen Shuang cry.

"What do you think of yourself? Do you think I did that for fun? Do you think I would ruin my own life by making them marry!?"

Zhiyuan narrowed his eyes.

Ruin her own life…

Shuang clenched her fists. A tear slid down her cheek as her lips trembled. "Do you think I was happy provoking Dad when it was hurting my heart like hell? What do you know about me? Nothing! Nothing at all! Yes! I provoked Dad to make them marry! I provoked him to make them leave the country!"

A gripping pain enveloped her chest as if somebody was crushing it with all their might.

"I asked Dad...to let that man marry Caihong who I loved all this time."

Zhiyuan widened his eyes. He stared at her in utter shock.

"What?"

Shuang laughed self-deprecatingly. "What's wrong Zhiyuan? Cannot believe me?"

"You...you love Xiaosi?" He asked in disbelief.

Shuang said nothing. Her gaze turned blank. Her heart felt empty.

"Life is so heartless, isn't it? You and Caihong loved so deeply yet you had to separate. Circumstances made Xiaosi and Caihong come together and I...I was left with nothing. You know, there was one tiny hope in my heart that maybe, just maybe Xiaosi might return my feelings one day but…"

She chuckled as tears streamed out of her eyes. She lowered her head and looked at her trembling hands.

"But look what fate made me do? With my own hands, I had to give up the man I love to my sister. I witnessed their marriage in court that shred my heart into pieces. At that moment, there was nothing left in my life."

Her sudden confession had left him speechless. 

Shuang and Xiaosi…

Zhiyuan quietly gazed at her with a million thoughts and questions swirling in his mind. "If you loved him, then why didn't you ever tell him?"

"Because someone else was already in his heart...and is still right now…" she whispered the last sentence as if she was talking to herself.

Zhiyuan turned cold. "You better be not talking about Caihong because he only…" he clenched his fist as the rage built inside him, "he only used her to get revenge on me! He said it himself."

Shuang stiffened. 

She realized she spoke too much in the rush of emotions.

Zhiyuan said, "You had no reason to support him especially if you loved him. You wouldn't want him to marry Caihong. Or was it your blind love for him that made you unable to stand against him? Was it why you couldn't oppose him?"

Shuang grimaced.

It wasn't my blind love Zhiyuan...It was because my love was begging in front of me.

*Flashback*

Seven years ago on the night of graduation party.

Outside the room, Xiaosi broke into tears.

"Shuang…" Xiaosi kneeled in front of her and bowed his head. "I know you like me right?"

His body was shaking and trembling. Even if he was trying to gain an upper hand on her, his voice didn't match the threat in his words.

Shuang stiffened. She felt her heart skip a beat. Her chest loudly thudded in panic.

"W-what nonsense…" she stammered.

Xiaosi shut his eyes as he let out his tears. "I just know about it. I am a scum. I am sorry for using your feelings, Shuang, but if you really love me, then please convince your Dad to let Caihong marry me."

Shuang stared at him blankly. 

"Only you can do this, Shuang. Only you can help me. Mr. An won't waste a second before throwing me in jail tomorrow," he clenched his fingers into a fist until his nails dug in his skin, "and I cannot afford to waste my time there."

His gaze burned in an inexplicable fury. He turned his head to see Caihong sleeping through the small door slit. She had no idea what storm she was going to face the next morning.

"I want revenge...I want revenge, Shuang! I won't ever forget this night. I will burn every moment of this night until I make that man cry tears of blood. But in front of Mr. An's power, it is too easy for him to crush me. I cannot let myself be entangled with jail right now. And neither do I want Caihong to…"

He gritted his teeth. "I will take Caihong away from this. Away from Zhiyuan and away from everything related to him!"

Shuang quietly asked, "Why do you want to marry her? She would hate you. Your life would be a big lump of pain."

Xiaosi sadly laughed. "It cannot be any more painful than hers, right? I don't care what happens to me."

"And you think Zhiyuan shouldn't know what happened?"

"He doesn't deserve to know!" His gaze turned dark and his voice was full of malice. "Not now. Let him beg for his answers. Let him get crazy for his answers. Let him get hurt as much as he can!" 

"So please... please help me. Shuang. Do something. Do anything but help me marry her."

As tears pooled in her eyes, she said, "You are really a scum, Xiaosi."

He felt horribly guilty for asking her this. "I am sorry Shuang. But it was impossible between us…"

Even if Shuang had already realized it, that still stabbed her heart mercilessly.

"Please do me this favor. I-I will never ask anything ever again from you. Please just this time...help me."

*Flashback ends*