Because I Cannot Hurt You

The nine months for Han Zongying felt like a curse to her. She had no interest in keeping this child after An Guoting insulted her. She had already lost her heart when she realized that he was married. But she couldn't go against her family.

At the same time, Han Huizhong and Han Tian wanted to put An Guoting behind bars. Of course, he would have taken care that nobody knew about what happened to her that night. He wouldn't let that scandal out.

But that panicked her. A business war and  spending one's life in jail were altogether different. He had Caihong to take care of. An Guoting wouldn't have let the Han family put him in prison, leaving his daughter alone.

So Han Zongying was afraid that if matters went to the cops, An Guoting wouldn't stay silent anymore, and she would be exposed. So, she somehow urged them not to do anything against him. She went as far as threatening to abort her child. They were helpless and confused. They wondered why she still protected him. But nobody knew about her selfish reasons.

Nine months passed by Han Zongying crying and cursing An Guoting and her child. She spiraled into depression and could hardly think straight anymore. 

Then one day, Zizi was born.

The Han family hoped that maybe her birth would change her mind. Maybe once she held her daughter in her arms, she would start to love her and accept her.

But Han Zongying refused to even look at her. There was a slight resemblance with An Guoting. She couldn't bear it. She remembered all those bitter times and his cruel words that made her hate Zizi even more.

"Take her out of my sight!" Han Zongying roared.

Han Liqin held baby Zizi in her arms, who had started to wail.

"Zongying...Zizi is hungry."

"I don't care!" She burst into tears. "You all forced me to give birth to her. I never wanted her."

"Zongying, don't be like this, please. Zizi needs you…"

Zongying turned her head away. "Leave! For God's sake, leave!"

Zizi loudly wailed, making her frustrated. "She is so annoying! Take her away!"

Han Huizhong grimly looked at his daughter-in-law and nodded his head. It was a quiet week, and even the maids were afraid of going into her room. 

Han Zongying had become tired, depressed, pitiful and empty. She felt the darkness creeping into her life and nothing else.

Exactly a week later, she couldn't handle it anymore and just stormed off the villa. Han Liqin was extremely worried, but Han Huizhong let her go.

"Let her take a breather. She refused to leave this house. I hope she sorts things out, especially regarding Zizi," his gaze softened as he looked at baby Zizi quietly sleeping in her crib. "She really needs her mother, and the sooner she accepts it, the better it is for both of them."

---

Han Zongying was randomly walking down a busy street. She didn't know where she was going. But she wanted to be away from the house that resounded from Zizi's cries that angered her.

"I cannot live there anymore…" she mumbled to herself in a daze, "I cannot stand her sight. She reminds me of Guoting, and he...reminds me of the pain...I cannot live like this…It's suffocating…"

Not watching her way, she bumped into somebody and snapped out of her daze. She slowly lifted her gaze and froze as she saw the woman standing before her.

"Y-you…" she gasped.

He Lijuan was surprised. She blinked her eyes and asked, "Han Zongying?"

She turned pale and stepped back unconsciously. The bitter memories that had started the whole cascade of grief in her life came flowing into her mind.

The scene where she saw An Guoting and He Lijuan sleeping on the same bed, naked and embracing each other, flashed into her mind like a loud siren. Before she knew it, tears automatically poured down her cheeks.

"What a nice surprise, Han Zongying," she smiled, "Never thought to meet you here."

Han Zongying bit her lip hard. 

"Hey, why are you crying? We met after almost ten years, I think? Is this how you will greet me?"

He Lijuan frowned, seeing her acting so strangely.

What is her problem?

Han Zongying gritted her teeth. "You have the nerve to act so chummily with me when you destroyed my life?"

He Lijuan blankly looked at her. "What?"

"You and Guoting slept with each other years back and left me devastated, and you are asking 'what?' Don't tell me, you are shameless to forget about it!"

He Lijuan stared at her, dumbfounded. Then the realization dawned on her, and she widened her eyes. "You…"

She took a look at her ring finger and found it empty. Suddenly, a thought struck her.

"Zongying…are you still single?"

Han Zongying stiffened.

"Don't tell me that…you refused to marry anyone after your break up? After ten years, you are still hung up on that night?"

Han Zongying was speechless. "Still? You think it's a joke? I broke up with the man I love so much, and you take this as a joke?"

He Lijuan was shell-shocked. But then she burst into laughter. "Hahaha. You...what else should I say, Zongying? If it's not a joke, then what is? For ten years, you lived like this, and for what? For a night that never actually happened?"

Han Zongying rapidly blinked her eyes. "Huh?"

He Lijuan chuckled and sneered. "You are right. A night that never happened. Guoting and I actually never slept together. It was my plan to break you two up. I drugged him and wanted to sleep with him, but that bastard realized my plan and locked himself in the bathroom to prevent any accident between us."

She stared at her.

"I somehow got him out, but he had fainted anyway. We couldn't do the deed. I just removed our clothes, and I slept by his side, pretending that we slept together. Everybody saw us like that and assumed that we did it. Including you."

Han Zongying stood frozen. She felt her soul suck out of her body as she listened to her. Her face had turned white.

"After that, I tried to get closer to him, using the night as an excuse and make him feel guilty, but he never agreed to make me his girlfriend. Tsk. He was loyal to you through and through. But what's the use? You broke up with him anyway."

He Lijuan was enjoying Han Zongying's plight. She looked as if she realized the blunder she had made. 

"Why...why would you…" she stammered.

He Lijuan sneered. "Because you were too arrogant, Han Zongying. You always had that air around you that everybody was beneath you, and it pissed me off. You had beauty, money, and then a good boyfriend too, who loved you. Your life was perfect. But look at me. Why did you need Guoting? You would have married a rich man anyway. Your life was set. So I planned to set my life too. I didn't do anything wrong."

She laughed. "But gosh, you are crazy. To think that you were actually moping in sadness for all these years over that night. Did you actually hate him until now? Poor Guoting. I still remember how he frantically followed you everywhere, but you didn't give him any face. You didn't believe him at all, did you?"

Han Zongying stood in silence.