Because I Cannot Hurt You

Outside the hospital in a small park for patients to have a walk and freshen up, Shuang lay flat on a bench with her hand over her eyes. She was like that for the entire night, not having a wink of sleep.

She felt she didn't have the right to be in the hospital. Caihong was already there for Xiaosi. What was she supposed to do anyway? She had nowhere to go.

She sighed and got up. Her eyes were tired and fatigued. Her seven years of relationship with Yunru was now over and Xiaosi's medical condition shook her to the core.

Shuang had a wry smile on her lips.

To think that both important men in her life hid such important things from her. One kept his feelings from her while one kept away his condition that threatened to bring him to death's door.

She had no idea what to do now.

Shuang aimlessly walked towards the hospital's entrance and wondered what to do next. She wanted to be there for Caihong but after last night, she didn't know how to face her.

Her mother set Caihong to be ruined and then she had helped Xiaosi too. She had too many things to explain but didn't know where to start.

What should I say to her…

Shuang pressed her brows. Her head started to ache due to sleeplessness and all the stress. She wobbled and slowed down in her steps. She was about to fall when she felt her face land on something soft but firm at the same time.

"Hmm…?"

She rubbed her eyes and looked up to find herself gazing into a pair of bluish grey irises that jolted her upright. She rapidly blinked her eyes unable to believe the sight she was looking at. Her mouth slightly parted in an O.

She thought that she always saw such eyes in movies, but to think she would actually see them in real life…They were simply mesmerizing as if she was drawn into the depths of an ocean.

Yes. That was how his eye color was.

It wasn't completely as blue as the sea. There was a hint of greyish hue in that blue as if it felt one was swimming in the deep waters. It was hard to ignore those pair of orbs.

Jack Si tilted his head and was looking at her with the same curiosity as she was. 

"Thank you for the compliment," he said in fluent English.

Shuang snapped out of her daze and frowned. "Excuse me?"

"I said thank you for the compliment," then he said in Chinese.

The words buzzed in her ears because of his Mandarin accent that sounded different. It had a hint of a foreign tone in it. Then when her gaze skimmed up and down, she finally realized that he was actually a foreigner.

And a very handsome and attractive foreigner at that. His blonde hair looked golden under the sunlight and his bluish grey eyes just added to his charm. His chiseled jaw perfectly met his cheekbones that shaped the contours of his face. At a glance, it was clear that he was an American.

Shuang raised her brow.

Not completely a foreigner though, she thought. His Chinese features are clearly visible. Mix ethnicity... Interesting. "I didn't give you any compliment."

He smiled. "At this point, words aren't needed because your eyes said everything. It's a common reaction I get from all, and that usually means that they really like my eyes."

Shuang looked around and saw all the nurses and female patients staring at him in wonder. Just like he said, it was a common reaction. She could now see it very well. Everybody was staring at him as if he was the eighth wonder of the world.

Shuang smiled in return. "Indeed. But it's not just your eyes. You have got one hell of a gene pool in you. You must be the source of envy for all the men out there."

He chuckled. "I cannot deny that."

"How many of them have cursed you to death?"

"I don't really remember. Too many to count now," he touched his chin.

Suddenly, a shriek interrupted their conversation. 

"Mam, please step back!!!"

Startled, Shaung and Jack Si looked up to see a woman standing on a window ceiling. They could faintly see a nurse's figure behind her who was trying to stop her from jumping off.

"You will fall like that Mam. Please come back!"

The crowd standing at the ground got afraid by the sudden turn of events.

"What is happening?"

"Suicide?"

"It really looks like that…"

"That's so dangerous! She will definitely fall."

The woman who was trembling on the window sill shook her head as tears plopped down her cheeks. "I won't...I cannot come back. Not after what has happened to me...I don't want to live anymore! I want to end this already…"

The nurse did her best to convince her from, but she wasn't ready to listen at all.

"Get away from me! Let me just die!"

"Sure. Jump right ahead," a lazy voice came from below.

Shocked, the woman peered down. Shaung yawned as she looked up at her. 

"W-what?"

"I said jump right ahead. Nobody will stop you."

Jack Si slightly widened his eyes and looked at her in disbelief. "What are you doing?"

She shrugged. "Helping her to get what she wants. Am I not so nice?"

"This is really not the time to help her get what she wants to be honest…"

"Nope. This is exactly that time."

"Her mental state is not in a best condition now. Don't egg her or she might really jump off," Jack Si narrowed his eyes.

"Wait and watch."

Shuang looked up at that woman who was still staring at her in disbelief. Even the other patients whispered among themselves.

"If you want to die, then what are you waiting for? Do it."

The woman tearfully gritted her teeth. "How can you say such a cruel thing to me?"

"Well, if you can decide to give up on your life and cruelly leave your loved ones behind to cry and mourn your death and forever live in agony at your loss, then my words are as good as honey.

The woman froze.

She clenched her fist. "Do you think that I got a choice!? Do you think that I want to do this?"

"Who is forcing you to jump off? You shouldn't be standing here then and lodge a police complaint instead."

Tears pooled in her eyes and she sobbed. "I have no choice now…I cannot live with this guilt anymore."

"What guilt?"

"The guilt of loving and trusting a wrong man! He...he promised me a happy future. He said he wanted money for his business and like a fool I supported him with all that I had," she gasped. "I forced my father to help him too even though he was against it. And then he…"

"Ran away with all your money. Probably with some woman too."

She widened her eyes. "H-How do you know…"

"Sorry to say this about your life, but it was kinda predictable. He already had a girlfriend but fooled you to fork out all the money from you, and then they both will be enjoying some awesome vacation together at a beach."

The woman bit her lip and cried harder. "I cannot show my face to my parents now. I destroyed everything. All my Dad's hard-earned money...I lost it because of my ignorance. Dad is sick because of me. Mom is tirelessly serving him the entire day. We are practically on the streets now. I can never do anything right. I gave up everything I had..."

"And you think killing yourself is the option?" She yawned.

She glare at her. "Don't be so rude just because you got a happy life!"

Shuang paused.

"Happy? I lost my Dad when I was young. My greedy Mom married a rich man just for his money and the only teaching I got from her up until now is how to seduce rich men just like she did. She was totally busy in only socializing and partying and money and status rather than raising her kid. Now she is in jail because she hired men to ruin my step-sister's dignity and once almost killed a child by feeding him what he was allergic to.

I loved a man for nine years, but he never returned my feelings. And you know what? He is my brother-in-law now. Yup, he married my sister because he loves her a lot. Shocking, isn't it? But now that man doesn't have much time to live. Then I was in relationship with a fine man for seven years who loved me like crazy. But I couldn't love him back because I was still stuck in my feelings for my past love. And just last night, we broke up. Now, I don't know what to do with my life. So now should I jump off from the window just like you?"