Because I Cannot Hurt You

Han Huizhong tilted his head and looked at him as if he was judging something by Zhiyuan's expression. "You have the nerve to joke with me even in this situation? Honestly, where did I go wrong in raising you?"

Zhiyuan faintly smiled. "I am not joking, Grandpa. And you weren't wrong in raising me."

His gaze turned extremely cold and frosty with alarm in his demeanor. He took one threatening step towards him and quietly said, "Have you lost all shame you have? Even after everything that has happened, you are saying that you still want Xinyi to live with you? Are you nuts?"

Zhiyuan paused for a few moments.

"Grandpa, do you remember that one time when I was in elementary school? My school had held a short speech competition and from every class, there was one student selected to represent their class to write a speech. I stood from my class and one other boy stood from my next-door class. But one day, our classes had an activity together and in the confusion, I accidentally ruined the book in which he had written his speech. There was hardly any time left for the competition. That boy was devastated to see his speech gone."

Han Huizhong silently listened to him.

"I had come crying to you because I felt horribly guilty for the boy. He had worked so hard but because of my mistake, he wasn't able to participate anymore. I told you that I will withdraw from the competition. Do you remember what you said to me in response?"

*Small flashback*

"What!? Withdraw from the competition?" Han Huizhong banged his fist on the table as he heard his nine-year-old grandson confess his mistake. "Why will you withdraw, you fool!?" He glared at him. 

Zhiyuan bit his lip hard. "Because I ruined his speech! It will be shameless of me to still go on to the stage when I messed up his work. I won't feel good if I won like that. I made a mistake. I will apologize to him and tell the teachers that I won't-"

"Shut up!"

Zhiyuan pursed his lips and lowered his head.

"Look at me," he sternly ordered.

He raised his small head to meet his narrowed gaze.

"Whose grandson are you? Han Huizhong's! Han Huizhong has never given a victory to his enemy on a silver platter! I expect you to act the same way. You made a mistake, so what? Own up to it and make amends. Work hard to correct them. But don't ever give up and run away from them! That is never a solution to any problem. That is what cowards do, and I haven't raised my grandchildren to be scaredy-cats!"

"You messing up his speech doesn't automatically give him a free ticket to win. If you think and work that way, then people will always just guilt-trip you into getting what they want! It will be so easy to fool you. The world is not some freaking garden! Take responsibility in a way that will benefit both of you! If you withdraw from the competition, it will make that boy arrogant. Even if he has faced injustice, this is also the time for him to prove himself that he can take on challenges and not cry in a corner like a wimp!"

He squinted his gaze. "How you make amends is up to you. I will not spoon-feed you on what you should do. Think about it yourself. Just know that I will throw you out of this house if you dare withdraw or lose on purpose! Now, get out."

*Flashback ends*

Zhiyuan said, "You said to make amends, Grandpa. If I divorce Xinyi, then wouldn't I be running away from my mistakes? You haven't raised me to be a coward. I have to take responsibility. I have to make up for my blunder. Divorce is just me conveniently escaping everything."

"You!" Han Huizhong's rage reached the maximum level. "How dare you throw my words back at my face in this situation!?"

"I am not throwing any words back at you. I am reminding you of what you taught me that I forgot in the rush of emotions. I shouldn't have. The situations are similar. I have hurt somebody, and I will own up to it."

He grabbed Zhiyuan's collar and pulled him. "You think you deserve to live with Xinyi after what you did!?"

Zhiyuan was quiet as he stared at him.

"Grandpa, you told me yourself that if I back out from resolving anything, the world will guilt-trip me into doing what they want. Aren't you doing the same now?"

"Don't compare Han Huizhong to the world, damn it!" His nostrils flared in anger. "They are my teachings, so I can do whatever I want!"

Zhiyuan held his hands and slowly shook them off his shirt. "Okay. What will happen if I divorce her? It will just start another chain of misery for everyone, especially for Xinyi and Siying. Grandpa I... don't want to sound arrogant when I say this, but Xinyi stayed with me even after I hurt her. She had the full liberty of leaving me and nobody would have stopped her. But she stayed back. Today too, she said the same thing that she will never leave my side. I know you will think that I am shameless, but I don't want to disrespect her decision."

Han Huizhong gritted his teeth.

"You demanded her to divorce me so many times in the last three years, but she didn't give in. Nobody has any right to force her to live with me, but if she is still standing by my side nevertheless, it means that it's her own decision she has made. It is what she wants too. Grandpa, I have already hurt and disrespected her enough. I don't want to add anymore suffering. 

There is our son Siying too. He is only three years old. He doesn't deserve to live a life and see his parents' broken marriage. He will be devastated, and I know firsthand how that feels. Zizi and I grew up in a house where Mom and Dad couldn't even stand each other. You know how much we suffered because of them. I don't want Siying to go through what I did as a child."

"Zhiyuan you-"

"Grandpa," this was the first time that Zhiyuan had cut him off in his words. His tall figure looked imposing as he slowly said, "You know what happened at the picnic where Siying planned to unite Xinyi and me. At that time, I had promised my son that Xinyi and I would never separate. We will always stay together as a family. He did all that precisely not to break his Mama and Dada's relationship. What will I answer him when he will accuse me of going back on my promise to him for a happy family?"

Han Huizhong laughed. "Hah! So you don't want to divorce Xinyi? As expected of you. You had already crossed all lines that night, so why am I surprised to see you being so shameless now?"

Zhiyuan's lips curled into a faint smile. "I am not being arrogant or shameless, Grandpa. Do you think that I never thought of this? This was the only solution I could think of since I read her diary. My guilt didn't allow me to imagine anything else. But…"

He took one step forward and faced him straightforwardly. "Seven years ago, I lost Caihong."

Han Huizhong was silent as he sensed the touch of coldness in his voice.

"At that time, I couldn't do anything to stop that from happening. I have already lost someone precious to me once. Now seven years later, I don't want to repeat history, stay on the sidelines and lose everything I have in front of me once again. I don't have the strength to lose my love for a second time and neither does Xinyi to see her world crumble once again. This time, I will fight to keep my family together. I will do anything to atone for my sins, but I won't leave them. Not this time."

He lowered his gaze to the floor and said, "That's why you won't need to draft any divorce papers anymore. Neither Xinyi wants this nor me."

Then he narrowed his eyes. "Also. I appreciate your concern for Xinyi but this is between me and her, so please stay out of it."

Han Huizhong slightly widened his eyes in surprise.

"You had already interfered a lot years back and even crossed all your limits to hurt Caihong. What you did was an utterly despicable thing to do to any woman," his heart ached, thinking back to last night. "I will bear everybody's humiliation for the blunder I did except yours who could stoop so low to ruin Caihong's dignity. That's why this time, please don't come between Xinyi and me."

Zhiyuan passed by him and walked out of the room.

In silence, Han Huizhong slowly sat on his couch and stared at the emptiness ahead with a wry smile on his lips. "Zhiyuan is right...I have no right to interfere anymore. Not once again."