Because I Cannot Hurt You

Everybody curiously stared at him. Of course, they knew he was asking about Caihong. Zizi had purposely left her at last because it was a big reveal for Xiaosi who didn't remember anything. 

Xinyi smiled. "I think rather than us, she should personally tell you about who she is."

Xiaosi tilted his head. "Is that so?"

She nodded.

"Oh okay."

Ah Cy said, "I think Xiaosi should rest now. We will take our leave."

Everybody stepped out as Caihong entered the ward. Xinyi whispered in her ear. "We have introduced ourselves to Xiaosi. Now it's your turn."

Caihong coughed. "En."

She shut the door. There were only the two of them now. Caihong fidgeted with her fingers and smiled at him. Xiaosi, too, felt a little restless. He didn't know why but compared to others before, this woman in front of him particularly affected him differently.

She sat beside him and slowly whispered, "Dr. Cheng said that your condition is better now. They will monitor you for a few days and then you can discharge."

Xiaosi quickly nodded. He sneaked glances at her. Every time his gaze met her beautiful eyes, he felt his cheeks heat up unknowingly.

What is wrong with me? I am having problems with my brain, not my chest!

Ever since he saw Caihong for the first time, he was really curious to know who she was. She was sleeping beside him on that chair in that uncomfortable position and it seemed that she had spent the whole night in the ward.

Is she my friend, too, like all the others?

"You are…" he said with a tinge of hesitation in his voice.

Somehow he felt that he wanted to know who she was, but at the same time, he didn't.

Why am I feeling so nervous? 

Caihong glanced at him. She paused for a moment and then said, "I am Zhu Caihong, your wife."

Xiaosi froze. His eyes widened and he looked at her, stunned. His eyelashes refused to blink. The news came to him as a massive shock.

"Wife?"

Caihong felt tense. She didn't want to put pressure on him, but it was a fact that would have been out sooner or later.

"Yes."

He felt as if he was at a loss for words. He couldn't help but stammer. "I-I...I am married?"

She smiled. "Yes. And…"

"And?" His heart skipped a beat.

"Not just married, we have a daughter too. Her name is Zhu Chyou. She is six years old."

Xiaosi was in disbelief. Everything was like a super rollercoaster ride for him. It took a while to sink in.

So...I have my own family…

A wife and a daughter.

Caihong thought that she was imagining things. She saw his face turn red and his lips curled into a smile. At that moment, Xiaosi looked really silly for some reason.

She blinked her eyes.

Is he... blushing?

And he was.

Xiaosi couldn't help but feel extremely blissful as he heard her words. Now, he understood why he felt restless before. Subconsciously, he wanted her to be more than just a friend. His heart wanted to have a special relationship with her.

It was strange. He didn't recognize her at all, yet he wished to be closer to her. Something tugged his heartstrings when he first saw her.

"I see…" he said with that silly smile still intact on his face.

Caihong squinted her eyes. "Why do you look so happy?"

"..."

Xiaosi cleared his throat. "Nothing. N-Nothing…I feel fortunate that I have a caring wife like you. My condition... would have worried you a lot. I am sorry…"

"Indeed you should be sorry because before this accident happened, you had hidden your condition from me. I just came to know last night myself," Caihong's tone was slightly sharp.

Xiaosi was taken aback.

He stared at her and seemed to be in deep thought.

She was unaware of my condition?

But now that he gave it a thought, he could understand why. Maybe the Xiaosi before the memory loss didn't want to hurt her. It was heartbreaking news after all.

He pursed his lips. "I am sorry. But I think I understand why I must have done that."

"Why?" She folded her arms.

Xiaosi felt as if he was standing in a witness box in court. Caihong didn't seem any less than a lawyer right now.

He gulped. "Maybe I just couldn't bear to h-hurt you."

"And you think hiding it from me is any less painful to me?" She narrowed her eyes. "If I hide something like this from you, how would you feel?"

Xiaosi parted his lips but in the end, he couldn't retort. He lowered his gaze. "I am sorry…"

His downcast gaze made it unable for her to stay mad at him anymore.

"I forgive you but on one condition."

He quickly said, "What is it? I will do anything."

Caihong had a stern expression on her face. "The doctor said that before you were very irresponsible with your treatment and medications. You skipped a lot and that is why your condition worsened."

She couldn't confess the real reason for his refusal to get treatment.

Xiaosi frowned.

I did that? How can I be so irresponsible towards my health when I have a wife and daughter to take care of?

"That's why from now on, you have to take your treatment seriously. You have to listen to everything the doctor tells you to do. I…"

She trembled and her tears threatened to escape her eyes. "I don't want to see you like this anymore…Y-your life is at stake here."

Xiaosi suddenly felt anger surge within him.

How can I be so stupid!? My actions have hurt Caihong and I even made her cry! You stupid Xiaosi before memory loss, what were you thinking!

He leaned and quickly held her hand in his. Caihong was slightly startled. She stared at her hand which was wrapped in his palm.

"I promise I will take my treatment seriously now," he solemnly said, "The me before my memory loss is truly an idiot. I am sorry for hurting you and Chyou. I will do whatever you say."

Her lips couldn't help but bloom into a smile as a tear slipped down. "En…"

Xiaosi gazed into her beautiful, watery eyes. In a stupor, he raised his hand and wiped off the tear from her cheek. "I promise I will never make you cry again too. I don't know why I was so careless before, but from now on, I won't."

His warm words shook her heart. She lifted her eyes and said, "...Thank you."

---

The ride back to the Han villa was completely silent. After their last conversation, neither of them said anything to each other. The car stopped at a signal.

Zhiyuan looked outside and his sight fell upon a couple laughing and happily holding hands as they walked. He couldn't help but imagine himself and Xinyi in their place.

Xinyi laughing like that woman would be such a lovely sight to see, isn't it? 

But what did he bring to her?

Only pain and tears.

Suddenly, he felt a soft hand upon his and he stiffened. He turned and saw Xinyi worriedly looking at him.

"Zhiyuan, can we talk?"

He took a sharp breath. 

"Since last night, you are looking too pale. And then you said those things... Please tell me what happened."

He curled his fingers into fists and forced himself to smile. "I...It's nothing, Xinyi."

Then he went quiet and looked at her. "Xinyi, are you…happy with me?"

Xinyi blinked her eyes. "Of course I am happy with you."

"...Why? Haven't I hurt you all these years?"

She stared at him. "What is this about Zhiyuan? I don't understand."

He said nothing.

"Zhiyuan, I don't know what is bothering you, but I want to let you know that I will never leave you. I will always stay by your side no matter what happens," she firmly said.

The car stopped and a cheery voice brought them out of their daze.

"Mama! Dada!"

Siying hopped towards them. "Open the door!"

They quickly stepped out. They met with Siying's pouty face. "Mama Dada bad! Mama Dada outside all night!"

Xinyi bent on her knees and hugged him. "We are sorry, Siying."

"Hmph! Siying missed Mama and Dada but Mama and Dada didn't miss Siying!" His small face looked aggrieved.

Xinyi's heart melted by his adorable expression. "Of course Mama and Dada really missed Siying a lot. We had an emergency so we couldn't come back. We are really sorry."

Zhiyuan smiled and patted his head. "Please forgive your Mama and Dada this once?"

He harrumphed. "Alwight! Last time!"

He chuckled but that laughter brought incredible pain to his heart. His son was right in front of him alive and breathing, but all because of his one mistake, he had almost lost him.

"Did Leina and Chyou leave?"

"En!"

Back at Han villa, he didn't see Han Huizhong at the breakfast table. Of course, that was a given after everything that happened last night.

"Mama. Let's go for a bath! I was waiting for you!" His lips puckered.

Xinyi wanted to talk to Zhiyuan and also meet Han Huizhong too but Siying was quite adamant.

"Let's go."

They left and as a maid passed by, Zhiyuan asked, "Where is Grandpa?"

"Young master. Master Han went out early in the morning and hasn't returned since."