Because I Cannot Hurt You

Xiaosi smiled. "There is nobody that would be affected by my presence as to how you are describing it to be. I mean, is there someone still left who likes me?" He touched his chin thoughtfully. "Apart from my angel daughter Chyou, everybody hates me," he sighed.

Yunru looked away and took a step forward. But Xiaosi blocked his way. "Don't take this wrongly. But I am really curious. Who are you talking about? If there is really such a person who actually likes me even now, then I would like to meet that person."

"And what will you do even if you meet that person?" Yunru quietly asked.

Xiaosi made a dramatic expression. "Of course, I would clear it out to stop troubling you. You see, I really don't wanna offend someone who works in the law. You are a useful connection to have."

He smiled. "Appreciate your bluntness."

"My pleasure. So who is it? Honestly, I can't think of anybody," he sighed as he stared at him.

Yunru stared at him. A self-deprecating laugh escaped from his lips. "Even Shuang?"

The smile on his lips froze.

He chuckled. "Guilty as charged, are you not?"

Xiaosi was shaken up by her sudden mention. His gaze turned solemn as he faced him with a serious demeanor. "...Shuang?"

"Wasn't she in love with you?" Yunru asked.

Silence.

"Since college days, she was always in love with you, right? You knew this too."

He said nothing.

"Rather, I should ask, isn't she still in love with you?"

His eyes slowly widened in shock. There was a long stretch of silence between them. A soft gust of cold wind brushed past them.

"Impossible."

"Which part? That she was in love with you? Or that she still loves you?"

Xiaosi faced him. Yunru looked calm and patient.

"You are in a relationship with... Shuang?"

That came as a huge shock to him. He never thought that Shuang and Yunru could be dating. Yunru wasn't even in the same college as them. Because he pursued his career in the law, he chose to be enlisted in the Army for his training after he graduated high school.

Yunru faintly smiled. "Not the type of relationship you are thinking it to be."

He furrowed his brows.

"It's just a casual relationship."

He widened his eyes.

Shuang and in a casual relationship?

"Because that was the only thing I could think of to save her that night when you rejected her."

He froze. He felt as if his breath got stuck in his throat. "What are you-"

"Let's just not try to deny it, okay?"

Xiaosi panicked. He wondered if Yunru knew the truth about that night.

Did Shuang confess everything?

Yunru looked towards the sky. "You know Xiaosi... Shuang had cried a lot that night."

His eyelids slightly trembled.

"That was the first time when I saw someone as strong as Shuang cry. She wailed and wailed until even the tears rejected her. She loved you. But you didn't love her back. She was absolutely heartbroken."

Xiaosi slightly choked. That guilt never died down in his heart. He knew that she loved him, yet he begged her to make Caihong marry him anyhow.

Yunru sadly chuckled. "And I couldn't understand if I should feel happy or aggrieved? Because I love her a lot. It was beneficial for me that you didn't return her love. But I couldn't celebrate it because I held her feelings above everything else. How could anybody be happy when his love would be shedding tears in front of him?"

Silence.

"That night she called me. She couldn't even properly say anything. The only sounds that I heard were of her gasping and sniffling. I was frantic to know what happened. Was she hurt? Was she in trouble? I immediately ran to her side. She was sitting on a bench in a park all alone, burying her face in her knees. Her shoulders were trembling. Her strong figure looked so weak at that time. She was so vulnerable and defenseless."

Xiaosi quietly listened to him. This was something that happened after she agreed to convince her family about Caihong and Xiaosi's marriage. This was the story of what happened after Shuang had left.

"I sat down beside her and pulled her in my arms. She still didn't stop crying. And I understood that her state was because of you. I... didn't know what to do. I wanted to stop her from crying," he laughed with a tinge of sadness in it, "But that man wasn't me who could stop her tears. They would have disappeared if Zhu Xiaosi would have accepted her feelings. Even though... even though I love her so much, she never needed my feelings. She wanted your acceptance."

Xiaosi clenched his fist.

"I am such a coward, Xiaosi. There was nothing left to hold me back from expressing my feelings to her that night. But I still couldn't do it. She was heartbroken. I didn't want to burden her with my feelings. But I wanted to save her too. I wanted her to forget the pain of her one-sided love. I wanted to be there for her. So, I asked her to date me."

He stared at him. The grief in his eyes was well-known to him because he loved Caihong too who always loved Zhiyuan. In that way, Xiaosi and Yunru were too similar.

Yunru said, "Do you know how she looked at me when I said that? Her body froze. Her eyes shining in tears were staring at me in shock and panic. And I...got my answer at that moment. She didn't want to hear that I had feelings for her. It would have put her on the spot because she knew she couldn't accept my love for her. So, I said that she misunderstood me. It would be just a... casual relationship to get over you."

Xiaosi was left speechless.

His gaze was empty as he spoke, "It is casual. It is just sexual between us. But I waited for the day when she would fall for me. I just needed to give her some time. Then one day, our relationship would become real, right?"

With a pang of sadness enveloping his heart, he said, "Guess what, Xiaosi? It's been seven years now, but that day never came."