Because I Cannot Hurt You

Yunru blankly looked at her with his mouth slightly wide open. He narrowed his eyes. "Care to explain?"

Zizi folded her arms and stared at him. "I mean, is it really worth it to stay in a relationship where your girlfriend doesn't love you? It's been seven years, right? If she couldn't fall for you after all this time then-"

"Nonsense!" He suddenly cut her off, feeling anxious. "Who told you this?"

"You."

He froze.

"You babbled everything last night to me in your drunkenness. You were drunk because of her in the first place. If it is hurting you so much to be with her, why are you forcing yourself?"

Yunru widened his eyes. His fingers tightened into a fist. 

What the hell? When did I babble out so much in front of her? How? I never revealed anything about Shuang and my relationship, not even to sis. What did I tell her? How much did I tell her?

His heart raced in trepidation. He never wanted anybody to know the truth about his relationship, but now Zizi knew.

Did I reveal Shuang's name to her? If she knows then…

Zizi said, "Do you know the condition you were in that night? You were crying so badly. Is someone in love and relationship supposed to be in that pathetic condition? You are living with the person you love, right?"

Her words struck him hard. It was the truth and he knew it. It was harsh as much as it was real.

"I am sorry for saying all those things, but I was drunk. I hardly remember what I told you. You don't have to pay any attention to it. It means nothing."

She stood, dumbfounded.

"A person speaks the truth when he is drunk. Why are you denying it? You really want to stay with a woman who has her heart set for someone else all this time?"

He turned pale. 

"And if she loves someone else, why did she even agree to be with you?"

His body shook hard. He gritted his teeth.

"Enough!"

Zizi took a step back, startled.

Yunru's dark gaze stared into her with a hint of displeasure and anger in it. "Please don't tell me what I should do and what I shouldn't. This is my personal life. What happens between me and my girlfriend is none of your business."

She froze.

"You don't have any say in it. You don't know anything about us, so don't go on telling me any unnecessary things."

Tears pooled in her eyes, and her shoulders trembled. The bitterness in his voice shook her. She felt as if her heart was stabbed by a knife. His angry gaze and his harsh words made her feel pathetic.

She glared at him. Yunru stiffened to see her eyes shining in tears. He suddenly realized that he might have been too harsh towards her.

"I.."

"I am sorry, Soo Yunru!" She clenched her fist. "I am so sorry for bothering you. You are right. I am nobody to interfere in your personal life. I am sorry for showing you this pathetic side of mine. You are right. If you want to ruin your life by staying with such a woman, then what has it got to do with me? Go, destroy your life. May it be seven years or seventy, if you want to live with her, then do it. It...It doesn't affect me at all…" 

Her lips trembled, and even if she didn't want to cry in front of him, she couldn't stop her tears. Her heart ached to see him defending her. It pained her to see him standing so firm for his relationship even if it was hurting him. That meant that there was absolutely no place for her in his life. That realization marred her heart in loneliness.

Yunru quickly took a step forward. "I am sorry. I shouldn't have lashed at you like that. I-"

"Forget it Soo Yunru! You don't have to explain anything to me. I understand it's my fault. I am sorry. I am really, really sorry."

She suddenly turned and ran inside as tears trickled from the side of her eyes.

Yunru wanted to chase after her, but he found himself standing frozen. He shut his eyes and cursed himself. He realized she didn't have any bad intentions. He didn't know how much he spilled out in front of her that night. But she only meant his happiness, seeing him suffer.

He brushed his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Damn!"

---

A few days passed by. Siying's physical condition was improving for the better. But he still refused to open up or speak anything. Of course, Xinyi and Zhiyuan didn't waste even a moment to take him to visit a child psychiatrist. But there was a long way to go, considering how Siying was unresponsive. Neither did he eat well or did he get any decent sleep. They constantly showered all their love to him, always assuring him that they would never leave him. But it didn't bring any effect. 

Han Huizhong was the one most frustrated with his behavior. He wanted to give him a good scolding for keeping mum all these days, but Xinyi and Zhiyuan didn't let him.

"No scolding him!" Xinyi stood her ground firmly.

Han Huizhong's gaze darkened. "How long is this farce going to go on? He should come out of it already!"

Zhiyuan grimaced. "Grandpa, he is only three years old. You cannot expect him to handle this situation like an adult."

"So? I witnessed a horrible car accident myself when I was three. I was just fine. He is acting too spoiled!" He grunted in displeasure. "He should man up, own his mistakes and move forward!"

Xinyi said, "But you didn't blame yourself for the accident because it wasn't your fault. Siying's case is different. He still thinks that we got hurt because of him. It's not easy to come out of the guilt," her heart clenched in pain.

"Pah! You gotta be strong even if you make some mistakes. Moping around is not what my great-grandson will do!"

Han Huizhong left after giving his peace of mind. 

Zhiyuan shook his head. "He will never change."

Xinyi smiled. "But he is cute in his own way."

He coughed hard. "Cute and him?" He looked at her in disbelief. "Are you serious?"

"Yes," she chuckled.

He sighed. "You are…"

The thought of Siying dimmed her gaze. "Siying is still not speaking to us, Zhiyuan. I don't know how else should I make him believe us?"

Zhiyuan hugged her and ran his fingers through her hair. "It will be fine, Xinyi. We don't have to stop trying no matter how long it takes. One day, Siying would definitely understand."

She slowly nodded. 

"Oh yes, I remembered now. Did you donate to Sunshine Orphanage? It's around this time that we always do."

Zhiyuan widened his eyes. "Ah yes! It completely slipped out of my mind. It's good that you mentioned it. I will see to it right away."

The Han family was involved in a lot of charity and donations to different agencies that aided the much-needed people. One of them was Sunshine Orphanage where they donated a handsome amount every year for all the children's well-being.

From the corner where Han Guang was listening to their conversation, she sneered as a thought flashed in her mind. This was just what she needed to make Siying's mind more messed up. She quietly left from her spot.

Back in the corridor, Xinyi asked, "What do you think about Siying sending to school from tomorrow?"

Zhiyuan was in deep thought.

The psychiatrist suggested that a change of pace would also help Siying get back to normal. If he was always at home, he would have nothing to do and his empty mind would constantly think back to the picnic incident and feel more guilty. If he started going to school again, he would be engaged with the school activities that would divert his attention.

"I agreed to the doctor. It's not good for Siying to stay at home all day. With Leina and Chyou, he might slowly forget everything."

She nodded.

---

In the bedroom, Siying was blankly staring at the empty space ahead. His tiny fists clenched the duvet as his gaze dimmed. The door opened and Han Guang stepped in. She smiled as she stood beside him.

"How are you, dear? Look, I have brought your favorite juice," she placed the juice on the bedside table and sat beside him. Siying didn't respond to her, but there was a slight trace of uneasiness in his eyes that flashed past his eyes for a moment.

"I am so glad to know that you are recovering. You really made us all scared with the high fever," she looked concerned. She sighed. "But unfortunately, your parents don't seem that too thrilled at this news. Do you know what I heard when I was coming to meet you?"

Siying's expression didn't change. 

Han Guang showed a distressed face. "I cannot believe that Xinyi and Zhiyuan would go this far. I mean, yes you did make a terrible mistake. You almost killed your parents, but still sending you to an orphanage to get rid of you is too much."