Chapter - What's hidden inside Robert?(Revise)

(Robert's Perspective)

From the moment I fell unconscious, I felt something indescribable and dark, was taking root and growing within me.

The personality and emotions I developed over the years since my reincarnation in another world, as well as the more than 20 years I lived in the modern world before my reincarnation, are gradually being eroded.

I seem to hear a voice in my mind, like a hallucinogen, that if I surrender to it and do what it says, I can become relaxed and all my troubles will seem to disappear.

If I had to describe it specifically, I would call it—the voice of the devil.

"Looks like I still lack experience. Oh well, let's call it a day."

I felt like I had turned into a lump of mud, unwilling to think about anything or feel anything.

Ah, I realized that "I" will disappear, not simply die, but merely "I" will disappear.

If this black thing continues to erode my consciousness, the demon will take over my body.

—That's good. It's easier to live like this. Leave all your worries to me, and I'll take care of them for you.

It was as if the voice echoing in my mind belonged to someone else; it was like my only close friend, and every word it uttered soothed my heart like sweet honey.

—Do you want to escape reality?

Just like the suddenness of choosing whether to reincarnate, what appeared before me was this question and two answers: yes or no.

If I chose "yes," I knew I would be freed and never have to go through such pain again. Maybe when I woke up next time, I would be back in the modern world, saying goodbye to this damned reincarnation in another world.

Thinking of this, I raised my hand to light it.

But is this really okay? When I was reincarnated, I clicked "yes" without thinking. Is it really okay to so hastily choose "yes" again now?

—What's there to hesitate about? Or is there someone or something you can't bear to part with in that other world?

No, not at all. I think my family is a bunch of scum, nothing to miss. I didn't even get along with my sister, Lia. Volth, whom I thought was a good friend, is the one who caused me so much suffering.

My magical talent is so-so and it will be completely overshadowed after the protagonist appeared, not satisfying at all. And my system, it's also useless and slow.

As for being intellectually superior to the otherworldly beings… that's out of the question. Just getting used to the culture and customs here is exhausting, not to mention the backstabbing and scheming. I'd rather be fighting in a modern workplace.

The author has published this chapter on their official page, but this copy was made without permission.

Thinking about it this way, I have no reason to stay in this other world at all.

But...

—But what?

I didn't answer but asked a question.

Are you the original Robert?

—What nonsense are you spouting? You are me, and I am you.

Huh? Why are we suddenly getting philosophical? Oh well, never mind. But now I can understand a little better. Is this part of what Robert went through? It's really asking too much of an 8-year-old to bear all this. Even as an adult, I couldn't stand it and wanted to give up.

—That's right, you don't have to bear those pains alone.

But that would be too boring.

--Boring?

It felt like I was just following a script. I think the novel is really boring and clichéd. Just reading it would be passable, but acting in it myself would be a different level of torture. Rare isekai reincarnation stories need to be done in a unique way to be interesting.

So... should we grit our teeth and persevere a little longer?

Whatever was inside me, did not respond to me.

Although I once thought I was going to die, after calming down and thinking about it, I realized that I would survive, which was already spoiled. Once I knew that, the situation didn't seem so hopeless.

Okay, let's give it a try. As an adult, we can't give up so easily, or we'll feel a sense of exhaustion, like we've been given a rare rebirth only to find ourselves empty-handed. As long as we get through this period, everything will be alright. We have to believe that..

Besides, don't I still have a system from the author. Even if I don't believe in myself, I must believe in this system.

I clicked "No" with trembling hands.

...

...

I feel so tired. Just breathing makes me feel exhausted. I don't want to open my eyes again, and I don't want to wake up again.

How long was I unconscious? A day? Two days? I usually never sleep for that long. No, rather than sleep, this state should be called a coma.

—Give up.

The voice inside me started talking again, but I couldn't be bothered to pay attention to it.

What's the point of arguing with the devil when people are about to die?

—Take revenge; you have that right.

I don't know if it's because when a person is about to die, their consciousness becomes fragile, but that dark thing is still relentlessly eroding my heart, and the devil like words are becoming more and more pleasant to hear.

Even if you want revenge, you should wait until you're alive. That's what I was complaining about.

Will I really survive?

I don't know how long it's been since I've eaten; I have almost no energy left to keep my body functioning. Since that night, I haven't heard any noise around me. It seems that Carol and Volth have completely left and no longer care whether I live or die.

Or is this also part of "education"? Let me experience hunger and thirst so that I can become a good lord who cares about the well-being of the people in the future?

—You're overthinking it. Hate everything, hatred will keep you alive.

Really? Can hatred feed you?

No, it seems that it has almost reached the point of no return. At this stage, a person will subconsciously hate the things that caused him to be in this situation, which is the so-called "dying with resentment".

I am no saint; I also hope to live a happy life and die peacefully in my old age. But if that's not possible, of course I'll want to hate something, to curse something.

However, what I hate most is myself.

For the past three years, the fact that I was reincarnated in another world and possessed a System made me too complacent.

To be honest, I underestimated this so-called Isekai. I thought avoiding death was easy, and that I could just enjoy life as a noble's son with the help of System. I had no sense of crisis and spent most of my time meaninglessly. If I were given a second chance, could I have done better?

Author, you reincarnated me in this world. In that case, how about giving me another chance of reincarnation with my memories intact. It would be even better if you could give me some special features for the second playthrough. This request isn't unreasonable, is it? Look at the other games, they all have standard equipment.

Forget it, I don't want to ask for so much anymore. I just want to sleep now.

I'm tired, really tired...

Next time I must...

...