Chapter 138 Karate Kid.

Chapter 138: 138 Karate Kid.

"Excuse me?" I said, staring blankly at the billionaire. Things had taken a very different turn than what I had expected coming in.

"If you are, indeed, not becoming a true villain, which we are willing to believe," Mystic purred. "why be a villain at all? Surely with your raw power and pragmatism, you could make a potent hero. The world would benefit from your... unique perspective."

"By gum! She’s right!" Rick boomed, striking the table again for emphasis. A spiderweb of cracks violently split the solid mahogany from the impact. Cloudfire winced and pulled his bourbon glass away from the fissure.

"That would be excellent!" Rick continued, entirely oblivious to the property damage. "You can even bring your villainesses! Or fight them! Have you ever had sex with your nemesis? It’s incredible! Like hate sex. But even better! Not to mention how good it feels to do good. Come on! Wouldn’t you rather fight for truth? For justice? For the American way! Is it not better to be a man fighting for righteousness rather than for profit?"

"Speak for yourself, Ricky. Profit is fantastic," Cloudfire muttered, taking a sip of his drink. "But the job isn’t bad too."

I looked between the four of them, completely dumbfounded.

"I ah... Wait. Are you all... actually trying to recruit me?"

"We would be willing to see how such an arrangement might work out," the moon avatar said at last. "Should you be willing to abide by the Bureau of Superpowered Affairs’ conditions, a transition of your legal status would not be out of the question. It would hardly be the first time a villain became a hero."

Without making a single sound, Cortex reached into his plain jacket, pulled out a thick, silver-embossed BSA recruitment packet, and slid it silently across the table.

It slid with frictionless precision, stopping exactly half an inch from my hand. He still hadn’t fucking blinked.

I couldn’t help but gape at the S-listers. Were they serious?

Not to say I hadn’t been offered a deal like that before. More than a few low-level agents had tried to recruit me to be a hero over the years, but none of them could compare to the sort of unbelievable heft the BSA founders had.

But serious or not, great deal or not, Scottish castle, gachapon or none, I knew the hero business wasn’t for me. I’d known that since I got my powers.

"Uh... no thanks. I’m good. Look," I said, standing up and sliding the recruitment packet back toward Cortex. "Is that all? I’ve really got other things going on. It was great meeting the four of you, and I hope I satisfied your questions about me going full super-terrorist, but... yeah."

"I do think—" Khonsu started, his glowing eyes narrowing.

"Besides," I cut in quickly, playing my ultimate trump card. "I’ve got a big job coming up with Firefly, and I’d hate to tell Lacey that I’d have to turn her down because I went hero for the Bureau. She’d probably really... really want to come down here and talk to you all about that."

The reaction was instantaneous.

Rick cleared his throat nervously at Lacey’s name, violently adjusting his spandex collar. Even Khonsu seemed to reconsider pressing the issue. Nobody in their right mind wanted to deal with Firefly on a rampage.

"I suppose we have no other matters to discuss," Khonsu said, reluctantly folding his massive hands. "But do consider our offer, Polaris."

"Yes! The world needs heroes of such strength!" Rick grunted, flexing his biceps until his muscles audibly creaked. "Menaces abound every day, and we must have the strength! The might! The will to overcome them! For the greater good!"

Cortex didn’t seem interested anymore. I could see him sigh with his eyes as he pulled out his tab and finally, finally, finally blinked.

Yeesh.

"Right," I said, backing away from the table. "Well, looks like you’re well equipped already for that. Thanks again. I remember the way out. Bye!"

I turned and made a beeline for the doors, anxious to get out of there before Mister Invincible asked me to punch him in the throat or Mystic tried to probe my mind.

Which was, of course, exactly when I heard voices babbling angrily outside the room.

I immediately stepped forward, the heavy steel door hissing open. Out in the polished hallway, I found Glacia facing off with several younger heroes in training gear, one of whom was Divina.

Oh, fucking hell. This was exactly what I needed.

"What’s going on?" I demanded, moving forward and placing myself between my second-in-command and the capes.

"Sir!" Glacia said, turning my way. The air around her was practically snowing. She gave a contemptuous, aristocratic motion toward Divina and the others. "These... sidekicks were disparaging you."

"And why not?" Divina said, looking at me hotly, folding her muscular arms in front of her chest. "Why shouldn’t we talk about a villain and all his wretched crimes?"

"Yeah!" another of the sidekicks chimed in.

It was a youngish guy, probably sixteen. He was dressed in athletic shorts and an open, fuzzy robe like a boxer right before they entered the ring. It had a big obnoxious ’P’ emblazoned on the front of it. "Why not?"

What was this? High school amateur hour? I rolled my eyes behind my visor. "Whatever. Glacia? Let’s go."

"Looks like you’re too much of a pussy for a fight anyway," the idiot who looked a nerd who had karate practice after school said, sneering like an extra in an 80s teen movie.

"Sure, kid."

"Kid!" he snapped, his face flushing red. "Do you even know who I am?"

"Nope," I said, which was entirely true. There were way too many sidekicks for me to keep track of all of them.

Plus, a depressing amount of them ended up getting killed before making a real name for themselves.

Who would have guessed that bringing fifteen-year-olds to fight psychotic alligator mutants and alien warlords was a bad idea? I only bothered learning who was who if they survived their first two years in the industry.

"Come on," I said to Glacia, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Let’s go."

"No surprise you keep that bitch around," braces muttered loudly to his friends.

I stopped dead in my tracks. "Excuse me?" I said, my voice dropping an octave.

He sneered at me, puffing out his chest and folding his arms. "You heard me. No surprise a villain keeps a slut like her around for some fun times. Probably all she’s good for."

The air in the hallway went deathly still. Glacia’s eyes flashed with murderous, sub-zero rage, but before she could turn him into a human popsicle, I stepped squarely in front of him.

Protective boss mode, fully engaged.

I looked down at the arrogant little shit. "Alright, kid," I said, my voice dangerously calm. "I’ll take you on. And I’ll even do it for free. I guess you can call it charity."

"Charity!" Divina gasped, outraged on his behalf.

"Well! What a great idea! I love it!" Rick boomed, strutting out of the meeting room and instantly drawing the attention of everyone in the hall.

He clapped his massive hands together, completely oblivious to the lethal tension. "I heartily endorse this contest! You can use our primary training grounds. It’ll be excellent experience for our up-and-coming heroes to see what a real villain fights like!"

The rest of The Five were also behind him but said absolutely nothing, which I didn’t know to be grateful for or scared of.

Braces scoffed, cracking his knuckles and bouncing on his feet. "If you can call him a real villain."

I sighed, feeling the magnetic fields in the walls humming in response to my rising pulse. There was no backing out now without looking weak.

"Fine," I said, rolling my shoulders. "Let’s get this over with."