Chapter 137 Hero.

Chapter 137: 137 Hero.

"ARE YOU A VILLAIN?!" Mister Invincible suddenly shouted, violently bolting to his feet and pointing an accusatory finger right at my nose.

I leaned back a bit to avoid getting my eye poked out. "Well... yes," I said.

"Aha! Gotcha!"

I glanced over at Khonsu, who had closed his glowing eyes beneath his linen wraps as if praying for patience to his moon god.

"We mean," Khonsu sighed, opening his eyes again, "what is it you intend to do with your new... mountain fortress and eight-armed plasma kraken."

"Yes, that. Exactly," Rick boomed. "Spill it!"

"...Right. Well," I said, shifting my focus back to Khonsu. "Like I told you on the lawn, I was attending a lecture and Delirium crashed it. I was there with my, ah, coworker, Rhea. I sometimes buy gear from her for my work. Anyway, Delirium apparently wanted to kidnap her since she’s a pretty impressive intellect, but his creatures attacked me, which brought on a kind of vendetta revenge deal."

"What? The bastard!" Rick barked, banging a fist on the mahogany table so hard the wood groaned in protest. "How dare he! We’ll put a stop to his evil-doing post haste!"

"I already did," I said.

"Oh." Rick paused, then brightened instantly. "Fantastic! Good job!"

Cloudfire let out a long, heavy sigh from his end of the table, gently swirling his glass. "Ricky, please. Let Khonsu run the interrogation before my migraine gets worse."

Khonsu cleared his throat, steering us back on track. "And the other... villainesses who live with you?"

"I mentor them. Sort of," I amended. "They were all looking to learn how to be proper villainesses. Except Rhea, who was looking for protection."

"And why does she live with you?" Khonsu asked, his starry eyes narrowing.

"Well, the sex is pretty good."

For the first time, Khonsu looked genuinely startled, taken aback by the sheer bluntness of my HR policies.

Mystic, however, tilted her head. The red eyes—I swear to God—glowing for half a second. "Fascinating," she murmured, her voice echoing slightly in the room.

"Indeed! What a man does in his bedroom is his own business," Rick said, banging a fist firmly on the table again. "Why, if people discovered the amount of whips and brands I needed to use each night to get off, they’d be shocked. Shocked, I say!"

Dead silence descended on the room.

But unfortunately that didn’t seem to deter him. "I mean I personally know a thing or two about angry sex with villains," he stood up and placed his hands on his hips. "When someone does not care about your wellbeing they’ll fuck you to oblivion!"

Cloudfire actually choked slightly on his bourbon, coughing into his fist. Khonsu buried his face in his hands. Cortex still didn’t blind though—eyes still wide and I was starting to wonder if he was good.

Well, this was going... somewhere. But I wasn’t sure it was a place I liked.

"Riiiiight," I said, desperately eager to move on. "But Psyren and Glacia are there to work with me to learn how to be villains."

"And these women both intend to go into your line of work? Fighting corporate-sponsored heroes for hire?" Khonsu said.

"Of course," I said. Which was certainly partly true. Maybe. Hopefully. I was pretty sure Glacia was all aboard the whole ’villainess’ thing, and Psyren said she wanted it. But then again, Psyren also loved attention, so if she was given a better opportunity to get it, I wasn’t sure what she’d do.

"Yet you are a villain," Khonsu noted.

"I prefer ’freelance antagonist.’" Which was a lie. I’d declare myself a villain anytime – well, any other time. But right now, sitting in a room with the S-list founders of the BSA, ’professional antagonist’ sounded much better than ’superhero punching bag.’

"Can you guarantee this?" Khonsu pressed.

"Do you want me to sign an affidavit or something?" I asked, throwing my hands up.

Without making a single sound, Cortex slid a perfectly printed, twenty-page federal affidavit across the mahogany table toward me, complete with a monogrammed BSA pen resting on top.

I glared at the unblinking creep. I was starting to get a migraine of my own from all this, which wouldn’t help anyone, but I was really running out of patience.

"Look," I said, leaning forward and ignoring the paperwork. "I’ve been doing this work for years now, and I’ve never robbed a bank I wasn’t hired to, hurt a civvie, or brawled with a hero who didn’t start shit with me first. I’m a professional, and I do a professional job. When a hero doesn’t have aliens to fight, or a Guild villain to face down, or... whatever, sometimes they need something to fill in the encounter to keep their Q-ratings up. It’s not my fault things are so peaceful these days. If anything, it’s your fault."

"Hey!" Rick barked, looking offended, before he actually processed what I said. "Oh. Thank you!" he said brightly.

"You’re welcome. Look," I continued, turning back to Khonsu. "Nothing I’m doing is illegal, and I’m not going to try and take over the world. Also, regarding Golden Boy—he threw the first punch in a civilian zone. I was defending myself."

Khonsu hummed, steepling his wrapped fingers.

Before he could speak, the temperature in the room seemed to drop. The red aura surrounded Mystic’s form and she hovered out of her seat.

She floated slightly higher, drifting a few inches closer to the center of the table, her eyes practically burning into mine.

"Perhaps," she admitted, her voice like silk and static. "It seems a shame, though."

"What does?" I asked warily.

"Your insistence on being a villain," she said, staring right through me. "You possess raw, visceral power. Pragmatic restraint. You managed to dismantle an Order-level threat on your own lawn without losing an arm. Why not be a hero?"

I stared at her. Did I just hear that right?

"Excuse me?" I said.

"She’s right, man," Cloudfire chimed in, leaning forward and planting his elbows on the table, suddenly looking like he was pitching me. "You’re wasting your time taking dives for C-listers. We’ve watched the tapes of your fights; it’s clear you could handle most of the people you fight. The satellite footage of you wrecking Delirium with the Octoporian shows a level of magnetic control we haven’t seen before. If you flip sides, the Bureau can make it extremely worth your while."

I blinked. "Worth my while?"

"Full federal immunity, a dedicated PR team, corporate sponsorships that’ll make your eyes bleed," Cloudfire listed off smoothly, waving a hand dismissively. "Hell, you clearly like the whole aesthetic of owning a fortress. Sign a contract with the BSA, and I’ll personally give you a castle. A real one. In Scotland. None of this ’mountain chalet’ crap."