The Villain's Story

It hit much harder than the others. Losing the prized sense of touch was making me lose my mind, even though I was aware it was coming.

My hand was right in front of me, I could see it, illuminated by the glow of the boat. I could see it perfectly, but I could not feel it.

I could move it, instinctively. I could rub my hands against one another, but there was no response.

It was pure silence, a silence unlike any other. It’s confusing, it’s nauseating, so much so I can’t resist the urge to puke, or rather, am unable.

I didn’t even notice the fluid coming up my throat and exiting my mouth until my eyes saw my hands covered in it. I can’t feel anything.

Not within my body, nor outside my body. I’m completely cut off from feeling. It’s as if I’m cut off from the proof that I exist.

There isn’t any numbness in my body; there is nothing. Exactly nothing.

‘Am I even touching the boat?’

When that thought occurred to me, my eyes naturally darted to my feet, only for me to realize once more… that I am cut off from feeling. I collapsed on the boat, it was as if I was falling from the sky, plummeting to my death.

And then it happened again, I was unable to stop myself from vomiting once more, the fluid simply rushed up my throat and exited, dripping down the sides of my mouth and sullying my hair.

But is it even doing that? I don’t know. I’m breathing, but I’m not, I’m falling, but I’m not, I’m thinking… but I’m not.

I can’t hear myself think, but I am thinking, I can’t feel myself move, but I am moving, I can’t taste the vomit remaining in my mouth, but I am aware of its existence. I cannot hear the beating of my heart, but I know it’s there.

I’m cut off from every proof of existence, everything that kept me whole as a human being, I am… nonexistent.

‘I’m going insane.’

It was happening so soon, it was happening so easily. I was thrashing around the boat, desperate to find any sort of feeling. Anything would do.

It was like this for an indescribable amount of time, pitiful screams that no one would ever hear, a hollow sense of self, unable to discern itself from the silence that surrounded it.

An endless amount of thrashing around just to stay connected, just to feel like I existed. Just to feel if I was truly there or not. I was hurting myself, even if I couldn’t feel pain. I was crushing my body, my face, my fingers just to feel something… anything, all the while screaming in pain.

How long was I acting like this? So pitiful, forgetting what I was? I don’t know, however, something woke me up from this.

It dawned upon me that the glow of the boat was getting dimmer. Suddenly, my body and my mind were rejuvenated as I stood up, looking at the edge of the boat.

‘…No.’

The world was getting dimmer, the world was becoming blurred. The light of the boat was disappearing.

It still existed, but my perception of it was going away, swiftly but slowly eroding. It was happening so quickly, yet it felt so slow.

The edges of my precious little dinghy, I couldn’t see them anymore, and slowly, the darkness was coming closer, encroaching upon me like an unstoppable force.

“No…”

I looked at the approaching boundary, noticing the blood on the floor.

“Blood…?”

I looked at my legs, chunks of flesh torn out. I looked at my waist, where my intestines leaked out from a fairly big hole, but before I could realize what had happened, the darkness consumed the gory sight.

I raised my hands and saw the damage done to them. My right hand was missing completely, a piece of my bloody bone emerging from my wrist was all I saw. On my left, I was missing my index, middle, and ring fingers, and my pinky was barely clinging to a thin strip of flesh and ruined bone.

“Ah.”

I believed I gasped as I realized what had occurred. No monster had done this to me, no unknown being hidden in the dark had done this to me. No one had done this to me.

It was me, all along. I had been the one to claw at my own body, desperate to feel something; I had been the one to rip out my flesh, to pull out my own gut, to devour my fingers. It had been me.

‘The darkness hides a unique kind of monster, my prince. Please, collect yourself quickly.’

I recalled what Lirkis had said at the final moment of light, and I think I let out a hollow laugh.

The darkness hid no monster, other than myself. The unique kind of monster, the only one that could do this to my own body whilst sparing my life was me. No one else could do this but me.

But perhaps it was a blessing in disguise. Upon witnessing the horror I had inflicted upon my own body, strangely, my mind calmed down. The lack of smell, the lack of sound, the lack of taste, the lack of touch, and finally, the lack of sight didn’t seem to bother me anymore.

There was a moment of solace, where I presumed I took a heavy breath, as I opted for the last resort. Something I had forgotten, once the loss of touch overwhelmed me.

The darkness could take away my senses of smell, hearing, taste, touch, and sight. But this wouldn’t cripple me. A human being depended on these senses… not a Dragon.

[Skill: Mana Sense has been activated.]

As long as I have mana, I can do this… as long as I have my identity as a dragon, I can do this.

‘I can do this.’

‘I can do this.’

‘I can do this.’

It was a mantra of sorts, keeping me sane as my mana left the confines of my body and spread out through the world, granting me ‘feeling’ once again.

But the question remained, a horrifying thought I couldn’t help but ask myself again and again.

‘How long?’

Exactly how long did I have before the darkness rid me of only solace?