The Legendary Sword Saint Is Not Dead! (Re:Zero Parody)
Relatives Mean Chaos: 02
Arriving at the manor, Subaru couldn't stop herself from gaping at its sheer size. The sprawling estate loomed before her, an intricate masterpiece of architecture that screamed wealth and refinement.
"Uh… Are you, like… royalty or something?" Subaru asked hesitantly, glancing sideways at Emilia.
Emilia tilted her head, confused, before shaking it. "No, not at all. I used to live in the wilderness."
Subaru blinked. "You mean, like, camping?"
"Sort of," Emilia replied with a soft smile, leaving Subaru to process the bizarre contrast between the manor and Emilia's self-proclaimed wilderness upbringing.
Stepping inside, Subaru's awe only grew. The interior was jaw-droppingly luxurious, with high ceilings, ornate chandeliers, and furniture that looked like it belonged in a museum.
Before Subaru could properly gawk, another maid greeted them. She was the spitting image of Ram, except her colour scheme leaned towards a soft blue, from her hair to her uniform.
"Welcome back, Emilia-sama," the maid said in a gentle tone, bowing. "And… guest." Her gaze lingered on Subaru for a moment, unreadable.
"This is Rem," Emilia explained. Then she turned to the blue-haired maid. "Rem, could you please prepare a bath for Subaru?"
"As you wish," Rem replied with a bow, her movements fluid and precise.
Once the bath was ready, Subaru found herself in a bit of a predicament—no spare clothes. Ram, with her usual deadpan expression, handed her a set of bathrobes.
When Subaru finally stepped into the bathroom, she froze. Calling it a bathroom felt like an understatement. The place was massive, practically a steaming indoor swimming pool surrounded by marble and gold fixtures.
"Jeez, how rich are you people?" Subaru muttered, her voice echoing slightly.
Thankfully, Emilia didn't follow her in.
With a deep breath, Subaru stripped down, hesitating for a moment. She bend down and frowned as her gaze fell to her crotch. She grimaced. "Yup. Still a girl. Damn. Natsuki Jr… Rest in peace."
Shaking off the odd mix of disappointment and acceptance, Subaru slid into the warm water. The heat instantly melted away her fatigue, and she let out a contented sigh. She leaned back, letting her muscles relax, and almost fell asleep in the process. The extra mounds on her chest relaxed too.
Eventually, Subaru forced herself out of the water. She grabbed a towel, wiping herself dry before slipping into the bathrobe.
Drying her hair, however, turned out to be another challenge. No matter how much she tried, it refused to behave.
As if sensing her struggle, Ram was waiting outside the bathroom when Subaru finally emerged. Without a word, the pink-haired maid waved her hand, casting a spell that sent a gentle breeze swirling around Subaru's head. Her hair dried in seconds, neatly falling into place.
"Wow, thanks—" Subaru started, but Ram turned on her heel before the words left her mouth.
"Dinner is served," Ram said curtly, already walking away.
Subaru watched her go, blinking. "Well, okay then."
Still, the enticing aroma wafting through the halls quickly redirected her attention, and she hurried off to see what kind of feast awaited her.
Ö~Ö
The food was incredible, a veritable feast that Subaru didn't hesitate to dive into with the enthusiasm of a starved animal. She devoured everything in sight, her table manners all but forgotten in the face of such a delicious spread.
Emilia watched, amused, while Rem remained as stoic as ever.
"You're a fantastic cook!" Subaru declared, patting her stomach contentedly.
"Thank you," Rem replied curtly, her tone polite but devoid of emotion.
Emilia took the opportunity to explain Subaru's presence. "Rem, Subaru helped me retrieve my insignia. She's a… uh, hero. For now, she'll be staying with us until she finds a stable income."
Rem nodded without comment, her face unreadable as usual.
As they continued eating, Emilia turned to Subaru with curiosity. "So, where are you from?"
Subaru hesitated, debating whether to answer truthfully. Finally, she said, "Tokyo, Japan."
"Tokyo? Japan?" Emilia repeated, tilting her head. "I've never heard of such a country."
Subaru sighed, resting her chin on her hand. "Yeah, I figured. Isekai problems, huh?"
"Isekai?"
"Nothing, nothing," Subaru said quickly, waving it off.
Emilia's next question caught her off guard. "How are you so fast? And strong? You were moving faster than most trained knights I've seen."
Subaru leaned back with a smug grin. "My mom always made sure I ate well, and my dad trained me like crazy. Good genes, I guess."
"Your master too, right? Jackie Bruce Lee, was it?"
Subaru nearly choked on her food, coughing and waving her hand for water. "Oh, him? Yeah, uh… he's a great shinobi—uh, I mean warrior. He taught me some cool stuff."
Emilia didn't seem entirely convinced but let it slide. "I see."
"And that uh, what about Puck?"
"Puck?"
Subaru perked up. "The floating feline? Yeah, what's his deal? He was awesome against Elsa."
Emilia smiled softly. "Puck is my contracted spirit. He's very powerful, but he can only remain active for a limited time each day. When that time runs out, he has to rest until the next morning."
"Huh, so he's like a rechargeable cat spirit? Cool," Subaru said, nodding as she pieced it together. "What happens when he's gone, though? Isn't that risky?"
"It can be," Emilia admitted, "but we've managed so far. Puck always makes sure I'm safe before he disappears."
"Got it. Still, that guy's awesome," Subaru said, admiration clear in her voice.
With dinner over, Emilia stood up, stretching gracefully. "I'm heading to bed now. Goodnight, Subaru."
"Goodnight, Emilia!" Subaru called back as she was shown to the guest room.
When Subaru stepped inside, her jaw dropped. The room was massive, more luxurious than any hotel suite she'd ever seen. The bed was enormous, the furniture ornate, and even the curtains looked expensive.
She caught sight of herself in the large mirror on the wall and paused. For a moment, she just stared, her reflection capturing her attention entirely.
The red hair cascading down her shoulders gleamed like fire under the soft lighting, its rich hue almost unreal. Her sapphire-blue eyes shone with a bright, piercing clarity that seemed to hold an unnatural brilliance. Her pale, creamy skin was flawless, with a softness that practically invited touch. And then there were her curves—not overly exaggerated, but subtle and elegant in a way that screamed beauty.
"Wow," Subaru murmured, running a hand through her hair. "This body is… something else."
She spun around once, admiring how the bathrobe flowed around her. Despite the strange circumstances, she couldn't deny that she had landed in a body that could easily turn heads.
With a contented sigh, she flopped onto the plush bed, sinking into its softness. A smile tugged at her lips as she pulled the covers over herself.
Her first day in this strange new world had been an adventure, to say the least. And yet, as chaotic as it was, Subaru couldn't wait to see what tomorrow would bring.
"Yeah," she whispered to herself. "This is gonna be awesome."
TBC
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