Chapter 65: The Home Of Beautiful Nuns

The Melcian Convent was not a place you walked into so much as a place that swallowed you whole.

It sat in the foothills of the Azapita Mountain Range, a full day’s ride west of the main Church, and far enough from the capital that no bell in Gilishon had ever reached it. Stone walls ringed the grounds like the rim of a bowl. Inside, chapels and dormitories are scattered across the hills between orchards, bell towers, and a cloister garden big enough to lose a regiment in.

And in the middle of the great field stood the cross.

It was carved from white marble and trimmed with gold, taller than any tower on the grounds. The morning sun spilled down its arms like it had been placed there by heaven’s own hand.

The holy symbol of the Melcian Faith.

Even Adonis, who pretty much respected nothing, had to admit it was beautiful.

He stood at the gate with a wooden box of clothes in his arms. On his left, Prussia stood with her arms folded and her chin up, looking exactly as stern as she always did. On his right, Alpis had both slender arms wrapped around one of his.

She was shivering.

"You’ve been jumpy ever since we got here..." he said.

She hugged his arm tighter and glared up at him.

"Haven’t you been listening?! I hate churches! Especially the Melcian Church! It gives me PT... PE... no, PTSD!"

"Right. Sorry."

"There are two kinds of greater dragons, divine dragons and chaos dragons. This country worships the divine ones because the Platinum Dragon Bahamut saved the kingdom from a calamity in the era of the First King. And if I remember correctly, he’s also the one who made the holy sword that Saint Melcius used. So Melcius was technically an apostle of that bastard Bahamut!"

Prussia nodded.

"That makes sense. The Falsbane royal family descends from Bahamut. It explains why the Church tolerates them at all."

Adonis raised a brow and thought it over.

Then he looked down at Alpis.

"Your future self said something about attacking the Magic Continent centuries ago. Are you the evil dragon Saint Melcius slew with the holy sword?"

"ACHOO!"

Alpis sneezed so loudly that birds scattered from the wall then her face turned red.

"Don’t say that cheater’s name! He tricked me! That’s the only reason he won, he’s a cheat!"

’Tricking Alpis doesn’t take much, really.’ (— ‸ —)

She lifted her dainty hands to his face, still fuming.

"Hmph! I’m angry now, after hearing that bastard’s name. Pick me up. I want a kiss."

Adonis sighed.

Alpis was a petite woman, small enough to pass for a girl in the wrong light, with a light frame like an elf. She weighed almost nothing. He had carried her across a river once, up the palace stairs when she’d fallen asleep stuffed with meat, and out of a tavern when she’d refused to leave without the last skewer.

The problem was her dirty mind.

Every time he lifted her, she wore a sleazy little smile. And every time, she scooted her bottom a little lower, until his arms were grabbing its fullness and he had to pretend not to notice.

He set the box down, picked her up, and gave her a long kiss on her forehead.

Alpis leaned in and kissed him on the lips.

"It’s a good thing you’re in your human form. But you should still be careful here."

"Mhm."

She nodded and hugged him tight, like a koala on a tree.

That was when Adonis noticed Prussia looking away. Her folded arms had tightened, her constant side-eyes, scoffs, and her jaw was set just a little too hard.

Alpis noticed too.

"Hm?"

Adonis smiled peacefully.

’Prussia is a precious warrior queen, you see. So she’s always important to me, but in this volume of the story she’s going to be way more important than I’d expected.’

He had a crazy idea.

It wouldn’t work until he charmed either Euphemia or Noelle, so he had to move fast this time.

"Hmmm. Prussia, do you want a kiss on the head as well?"

Normally she’d say no and walk off. He fully expected it.

But her lips quivered.

"... That wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world."

"Eh, ah, oh...?"

He was so surprised that he forgot to close his mouth as she was bolder than he’d thought. She stepped right in front of him on her tiptoes, split her black bangs apart with both hands, and closed her eyes.

Prussia had a large forehead. A beautiful one, smooth and golden-brown, that suited her perfectly. Even in his old life he’d imagined kissing it, and had practiced on a body pillow with a dinner plate taped to the front.

So what sane man would pass this up, now of all times?

... Adonis reluctantly picked up his box and walked away with Alpis in one arm.

Prussia stood there with her eyes closed, waiting. And waiting. When she felt no warmth on her forehead, she opened one eye.

He was already far ahead.

"YOU BASTARD!"

She ran over and shoved him in the side, then rained down every insult she knew. Pervert. Coward. Shameless fool. Adonis just chuckled and kept walking as the three of them headed into the convent.

...

After half an hour of walking, the dense forest finally gave way to buildings and Adonis nearly cried with joy.

Then a nun bumped into him from behind.

"Hey!"

She shoved him aside and kept walking. "Hmph. Men."

Prussia’s hand went to her sword. "I’ll take her head."

"No, no, no." Adonis caught her wrist.

’What is wrong with the women here?’

Alpis tilted her head.

"How is a place like this, full of so many rude nuns, supposed to ’reform’ you anyway?"

"It’s not just me. They’re holding a kinda spiritual week."

He explained, every year the convent invited a large number of men, preferably handsome ones, to serve as hired hands. They collected funds, cleaned, read scripture, sang hymns, and prayed like real believers. Some got used to the lifestyle, and the ones who didn’t were free to leave.

But the real purpose was something else. The Mother Superior used the men to test the celibacy of her nuns. Any nun who fell for their charms had to reaffirm her faith or be excommunicated.

"Ohhhh..." said Alpis.

Prussia’s face went stiff.

"Wait. Does that mean I’ll have to be... a nun... here?"

Adonis cleared his throat.

"Eeeeh... maybe?"

They walked further, and soon they saw two men sprinting across the lawn.

Behind them came a pack of beautiful nuns, robes hiked up and faces like angry ogres, roaring like Spartan soldiers.

"Don’t let him get away!"

"STOP NOW OR YOU’RE BOTH DEAD!"

"Get him, get him, GET HIM!"

The army of dashed right past Adonis. One of the men vaulted the wall and vanished. The other wasn’t so lucky. By the time they dragged him back, he was beaten black and blue and hung from their hands like a dirty rag.

He reached out toward Adonis with one trembling hand.

"Please... help..."

Smack!

A cute, fiery red-haired nun named Renea punched him in his swollen, teary face.

"Do you have a problem?" she asked Adonis.

He smiled nervously. "No, no, of course not. Heh."

Once they were gone, the smile slid off his face.

’What kind of church is this?’ ಠ_ಠ

Then a window in one of the nuns’ hostels exploded. A man flew out of it like a rag doll, hit by a blast of water magic, and crashed screaming in the flowerbed.

"I swear I didn’t mean to touch your undergarments!"

That was when everything made sense to Adonis.

The test cut both ways. The convent had some of the most beautiful nuns and maidens on the continent, so naturally the men couldn’t resist them. And an unfaithful nun couldn’t resist even the most average man.

So the nuns beat the men who failed, and the Mother Superior punished the nuns who did.

’This place is a pressure cooker.’

"Tee-hee-hee! ♥️"

An angelic chorus of sweet and soothing women giggles came from somewhere behind him.

"He’s so handsome!"

"I love your hair, young master!"

"Please, sit with us at lunch!"

Adonis smiled to himself.

’Already? They’ve fallen for me this fast? Heh.’

He turned around with a dazzling smile, ready to accept his adoration with a flick of his hair.

About ten nuns were gathered in a tight circle but they weren’t looking at him.

They were all around a man he could never forget.

Cream-colored hair and radiant purple eyes.

Lloyd Halcyon.

The protagonist of this volume, and the man who would one day kill Prince Godfrey.

Lloyd glanced over the nuns’ heads and smiled warmly.

"It’s nice to meet you again, Fifth Prince."

"..."

Adonis said nothing.

One of the nuns hugging Lloyd’s arm pouted.

"Hmph. How arrogant. Can’t you be the least bit friendly to your fellow man?"

"It’s fine. The ’Fifth Prince’ can be like that sometimes."

Lloyd chuckled softly after.

Every nun turned to stare at Adonis, and the disgust on their faces was perfectly synchronized.

"Oh, so this is the Fifth Prince."

"I’ve heard about him."

It seemed his name was popular here.

Lloyd lowered his head, hiding his smile.

’It seems I was right to come earlier than everyone else.’

As a member of the church, he’d known Adonis would be here. And he knew he couldn’t match the prince’s looks, no matter how handsome he was himself. But he didn’t need to. He only needed to win over the nuns, use them to get close to Big Sister Noelle, and from there, finally reach his sweet goddess.

’Mother Euphemia... I’m almost there.’

Ding!

[The protagonist has an 80% chance of succeeding over you in this arc. Hurry, Host, or you will face severe penalties for losing to Lloyd Halcyon.]

[Reward for success: Plot Card Fragment]

[Current fragments: 2/3]

Adonis looked at the ten nuns, then at the glowing man in the middle of them.

’... Eighty percent?’

Another volume, another unwinnable battle against fate.