Chapter 433 - Read

Chapter 433: Chapter 433 - Read

The dread came back immediately, and Roxie hated herself for it.

"Why?"

"Because I need you to trust me without checking."

That should have made sense. A part of her knew it did. Zac had already given her his phone before. He had shown her Coach’s messages, told her more about Dylan himself and spent the past several weeks being stupidly honest even when the truth made things harder. She knew exactly why he was angry now.

Still, her eyes kept going back to the phone in his hand.

"What if I can’t right now?"

Her voice came out smaller than she wanted, and Roxie hated that too. She wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly feeling exposed standing there in front of him while he looked at her like he couldn’t figure out what else she needed from him.

"What if my brain is being fucking stupid right now and I need to see it?"

Zac’s jaw tightened. "That’s exactly the problem. If I hand you my phone every time your brain gets stupid, you’ll need it every time."

"Maybe I just need it tonight."

"And next time?"

Roxie opened her mouth, but there was nothing good to say.

"I don’t know!"

Zac dragged both hands down his face.

That movement pissed her off more than it should have.

He looked exhausted. Frustrated. Like she was one more thing on top of football, Dylan, Coach and everything else waiting to drain whatever energy he still had left.

Maybe that was exactly what she had become and the thought hurt enough that she got angry before she could sit with it.

"Go ahead. Be annoyed."

"I am annoyed."

"Great."

"I came home early because I missed you, Roxie. I wanted one fucking normal night with you."

She laughed, but there was nothing funny in it. "So did I."

"And now I’m standing here defending myself against cheating accusations."

"I never said you cheated."

"You asked if I have another girl."

"Because I’m scared, Zac!"

The words came out hard enough that both of them stopped.

Roxie’s throat tightened almost immediately.

There.

That was it.

Under all the jealousy and anger and stupid comments about girls, she was scared.

She looked away because suddenly looking at him felt harder than fighting with him.

"I’m scared because everything is changing and I feel like I’m constantly trying to catch up. You have football, teammates, classes starting soon, all these people around you, and half the time I’m sitting at home waiting for you. Then every time I go to campus, there’s another girl smiling at you like she wants something."

Zac’s face softened, and somehow that made Roxie want to cry more. She wanted him angry. Angry she could fight. That little bit of understanding in his face made her feel pathetic.

"And I know you love me," she continued before she lost her nerve. "I know you’re tired. I know you’re not running around looking for girls. I know where you are most of the time because you fucking tell me. I know all of that, Zac."

She rubbed both hands over her face.

"But apparently knowing something doesn’t stop me from feeling like shit."

For a while Zac said nothing.

Roxie could see him trying to calm down, the tension still sitting in his shoulders while he looked at her. She wanted him to come over and hug her. She wanted him to put the phone in her hand. She wanted him to tell her she was being stupid and then prove it.

Mostly she wanted her own head to shut up.

Zac finally sighed. "You’re making this message way bigger than it is."

Roxie’s body tightened all over again.

Maybe he was right.

She was still pissed that he said it.

"Maybe."

"She called me handsome. So what?"

Roxie’s eyes snapped toward him.

Zac’s expression changed almost immediately.

He knew.

"So what?"

"That’s not what I meant."

"No, tell me. So what?"

"I mean I can’t control what somebody says to me."

"You can control what you allow."

"I haven’t even answered her."

"Then answer her."

Zac frowned. "With what?"

"Tell her to stop."

He looked at her like that sounded ridiculous, and Roxie felt the anger climbing right back up her throat.

"You think that’s too much?"

"I think sending some dramatic message because she called me handsome once is gonna turn this into something bigger than it is."

"She already made it something."

"No, Roxie. You’re making it something."

Her mouth opened, but Zac kept going, clearly too tired and irritated to catch himself now.

"You’ve been pissed at everything all week. You literally told me your period’s coming and you feel insane. Maybe your hormones are making this hit harder than it normally would."

Everything inside Roxie went still.

For a second she actually wondered if she had heard him wrong.

Zac saw her face and closed his eyes.

"Oh, fuck."

Roxie stared at him.

"What did you just say?"

"Roxie, that came out wrong."

"Say it again."

"I’m not saying it again."

"No. Go ahead. Apparently, my hormones are the problem now."

"I didn’t say they’re the problem."

"Oh, sorry. They’re just making me crazy enough to imagine one."

"That isn’t what I meant."

"You literally brought up my fucking period in the middle of a fight."

Zac stepped toward her.

Roxie immediately moved back.

"Don’t touch me."

His face tightened.

"I’m trying to explain."

"I spent this whole week wondering if I’m being unreasonable because my period is coming. I’ve been blaming myself for everything. Every time I get pissed because you’re gone, I tell myself I’m hormonal. Every time I miss you too much, I tell myself I’m being dramatic. And now you get to use the same thing because I’m angry at you?"

"I’m not using it against you."

"You just did."

"I said maybe it’s making everything feel worse."

"And maybe you’re being an dumb asshole because football keeps hitting you in the head."

Zac stared at her.

Roxie threw a hand toward him. "See? Sounds fucking stupid when I do it to you."

His jaw worked for a second before he looked away.

"Fine. That was shitty."

"Yeah."

"I’m sorry."

Roxie looked away too.

She heard the apology. She knew he meant it. Ten minutes from now she might even accept it. Right now she was still too angry.

Angry at Zac for saying it. Angry at Sienna for sending that stupid message. Angry at herself because a huge part of this fight had started before that notification ever appeared.

She was tired of being jealous.

Tired of waiting.

Tired of telling herself she needed to understand because football mattered and Dylan was struggling and Zac was exhausted and every single fucking reason was valid.

His phone started ringing.

The sound cut through the room, and Roxie’s stomach dropped before she even looked.

Something inside her already knew.

Zac turned toward the couch and Dylan’s name filled the screen.

Roxie stared at it and almost laughed.

Of fucking course it was Dylan.

The one-night Zac came home before ten. The one night she finally had him on the couch with her, telling her he missed her, touching her, making her feel stupid for wondering if he still wanted her.

The one night they were already fighting because she felt like there was never enough of him left for her.

Dylan called.

Roxie looked at Zac instead of the phone.

His anger disappeared almost immediately and that was what made her chest hurt.

She knew the look that replaced it.

Concern.

Real concern.

It had nothing to do with Zac wanting Dylan. Roxie had already beaten that fear to death in her own head. Zac had rejected him. Zac loved her. None of that was the problem anymore.

The problem was that she knew what happened next when Zac got that look.

He picked up the phone.

"Hey."

Roxie turned away before he could see her face.

Dylan was talking quickly on the other end. She couldn’t make out the words, but she could hear enough of his voice to know something had happened.

Zac straightened.

"What happened?"

Roxie closed her eyes.

Please.

The thought came before she could stop it.

Please, just once.

Stay.

The guilt came right after.

Dylan sounded genuinely upset. His father had already told him he wasn’t his son. His family had been tearing him apart for weeks, and Roxie knew that. He hadn’t asked Zac to come to his apartment for more than a week. So she knew it’s something important.

Still, some horrible selfish part of her wanted somebody else to handle it tonight.

Zac walked a few steps away.

"Where are you?"

Roxie opened her eyes.

That question told her everything.

She watched his back while he listened. She could already see him leaving in her head, grabbing his jacket, telling her he would be back later.

Just like every other time.

By the time Zac ended the call, the anger in Roxie had gone strangely quiet.

He stood there for a second with the phone still in his hand.

Roxie looked at him.

"He needs you."

It wasn’t really a question.

Zac rubbed the back of his neck. "His dad showed up again. He’s drunk."

Roxie let out a small laugh because if she didn’t, she was pretty sure she was going to cry.

"Of course."

"Rox."

"What?"

"He’s alone."

"I didn’t say anything."

"You made a face."

Roxie looked at him sharply. "So now my face is a problem too?"

Zac exhaled hard.

The second she said it, Roxie regretted it.

She could see the conflict in him. He was still angry with her, still hurt by what she had asked, but Dylan was in trouble and Zac had already started thinking about what he needed to do.

That was the part that hurt.

He wasn’t choosing Dylan because he wanted him more.

He was going because Dylan needed him.

That should have made it easier.

It didn’t.

Roxie wanted Zac to stay so badly it made her chest ache. She wanted to tell him Dylan had siblings, friends, other people who could answer a phone. She wanted to tell him she needed him tonight too.

But what was she supposed to say?

Your best friend is falling apart because his father showed up, but stay here because I’m jealous and pissed?

She couldn’t.

If something happened to Dylan after she convinced Zac to stay, she would hate herself.

Worse, Zac probably would too.

Roxie swallowed and looked away.

"Go."

Zac stared at her.

"Go to Dylan."

His expression tightened. "We’re not done."

"I know."

"I’m coming back."

Roxie looked toward the couch because she couldn’t look at him when he said that.

"Sure."

"Roxie."

"What do you want me to say?"

She could feel him watching her.

She wanted him to argue.

She wanted him to stay anyway.

Instead Zac looked down at the phone in his hand, and something in his face changed.

The frustration came back, but quieter this time.

He walked over to the couch and placed his phone on the cushion.

Roxie frowned. "What are you doing?"

"Read it."

She looked from the phone to him.

"What?"

"Read it."

Zac pushed it toward her.

"Read Sienna. Read Dylan. Read Coach. Read every fucking message in there if that’s what you need."

The anger drained out of Roxie so fast that dread replaced it.

This was what she had been asking for.

So why did she suddenly feel sick?

"Zac."

"You wanted the phone. There."

"I didn’t mean..."

"Yes, you did."

His voice wasn’t loud anymore.

Roxie almost wished he would yell again.

This was worse.

Zac looked hurt now.

Actually hurt.

"You think I’m talking to somebody? Look. You think I have another girl? Find her."

Roxie stared at the phone.

The screen was still unlocked.

His messages were right there.

Everything she had demanded for the last hour was sitting inches away, and suddenly touching it felt disgusting.

She didn’t want to read Sienna’s messages anymore.

She didn’t want to search for other women.

She wanted Zac to pick the phone back up, sit beside her and tell her she was an idiot.

Instead, he grabbed his jacket.

Roxie’s stomach twisted.

"You’re leaving your phone?"

"I know where Dylan lives."

"What if Coach calls?"

"He can survive one fucking night without me."

The bitterness in his voice made Roxie flinch.

She watched him put on his shoes, and every movement made the argument feel more real. Ten minutes ago he had been sitting on the couch with her. An hour ago she had been happy because he came home early.

Now he was leaving angry without his phone because she had pushed him far enough that he would rather let her search through everything than keep defending himself.

"Zac."

He stopped and looked at her.

Roxie searched his face.

She knew every version of him. Angry Zac. Jealous Zac. Cocky Zac. Exhausted Zac. The stupid happy look he got when she said something he liked.

Right now she couldn’t figure out which one she was looking at.

He seemed tired more than anything.

Tired and hurt.

That scared her more than him yelling.

"Read whatever you want," he said quietly. "Maybe when I get back, you’ll finally believe me."

Roxie’s throat tightened. She wanted to tell him she already believed him and that was the fucked up part.

Deep down, she did.

But Zac was already opening the door.

Then he left.

Roxie stood exactly where she was while the door shut behind him.

The apartment became painfully quiet.

His water was still on the table.

The show they had been watching was paused on the television. His phone sat on the couch with the screen glowing, completely open to her.

For the last hour, Roxie had wanted that phone so badly she had been willing to fight him for it.

Now she looked at it and felt sick.

Because she already knew she wasn’t going to find another girl.

And somehow that made everything she had just done feel worse.