Chapter 280: A Difficult Choice PT 1

Damir looked at Lydia for a moment.

Something about her did not seem right.

She looked tired. There were dark circles beneath her eyes, and even though she was dressed neatly, she looked as if she had barely rested.

"You look tired," he said. "Are you sure everything is okay?"

Lydia gave him a small smile.

"If I’m being honest, I haven’t been able to sleep all night."

Damir frowned.

"All night?"

Lydia nodded.

"I mean, after everything that happened, how could I sleep?"

She lowered her eyes.

"I’m exhausted, but I still can’t fall asleep."

Damir studied her face.

He could see how tired she was.

"I think I should have someone make some chamomile tea for you."

Lydia immediately shook her head.

"No."

Damir looked confused.

"What do you mean, no?"

"I just don’t want any."

"I thought you loved chamomile tea."

He smiled slightly.

"It’s your favourite tea."

Lydia’s expression changed.

She looked away.

"I can’t drink it."

"Why?"

"At least not right now."

Damir stared at her.

"I don’t understand."

He paused.

"Do you not like chamomile tea anymore?"

"It’s not that."

"Then what is it?"

Lydia said nothing.

Damir continued looking at her.

There was something she wasn’t telling him.

He knew Lydia well enough to understand that she would not refuse something she normally loved without a reason.

Then a thought crossed his mind.

"The only reason you would refuse to drink it is if you are..."

He stopped.

Lydia looked at him.

Neither of them spoke for a moment.

Then she quietly finished his sentence.

"Pregnant."

Damir’s eyes widened.

"Yes."

Lydia walked slowly toward her bed and sat down.

She said nothing more.

Damir remained where he was.

For a few moments, he seemed unable to find the right words.

He had suspected it before.

But hearing Lydia say it made everything real.

She was pregnant.

She was carrying a child.

And suddenly, many things that had confused him began to make sense.

Her sickness.

Her tiredness.

The way she had been behaving.

The way she had rejected him.

Damir finally moved toward her.

He stopped beside the bed before crouching down in front of her.

"Does my mother know?"

Lydia nodded.

"Yes."

Damir looked at her carefully.

"And the Grand Duke?"

Lydia’s fingers tightened slightly against her dress.

He noticed her silence.

"Does he know?"

Lydia looked away.

That was enough of an answer.

Damir gave a quiet scoff.

"Of course."

There was pain in his voice.

He looked down for a moment before looking back at her.

"Why didn’t you tell me?"

Lydia didn’t answer immediately.

She stared at the floor.

"What’s there to tell?"

Damir’s expression tightened.

"You are carrying his child."

He paused.

"Is that why you rejected my proposal?"

Lydia looked at him.

She did not know what to say.

Damir sighed.

"I don’t care."

Lydia’s eyes widened slightly.

"I don’t care that the child isn’t mine."

He spoke carefully, making sure she understood him.

"I’ll take care of you. I’ll take care of your child."

Lydia’s lips parted, but no words came out.

"I will treat the child as my own."

Damir’s voice softened.

"You don’t have to cling to him."

Lydia looked away again.

"We both know he could abandon you again at any time."

Those words hurt.

Lydia knew that.

That was exactly what she was afraid of.

Damir continued.

"You don’t have to put yourself through this."

"I’m sorry, Damir."

Lydia’s voice was quiet.

"But I just can’t."

Damir stared at her.

"I understand."

His voice was calm, but there was disappointment in his eyes.

"You love him."

Lydia looked down.

She didn’t deny it.

Damir lowered his gaze for a moment.

"But Lydia, you almost died yesterday."

She looked at him.

"Something else could happen."

His voice became more serious.

"Or worse, he could abandon you again."

Lydia’s eyes began to sting.

She tried to hold back her tears.

Damir continued.

"You don’t only have to think about yourself anymore. You have a child to think about too."

Lydia placed a hand over her stomach.

Her eyes became wet.

"I know."

"Then let me help you."

She shook her head slowly.

"I don’t ask for your love."

Damir looked at her.

"You don’t have to love me."

His voice was gentle.

"You can even think of it as you using me."

Lydia looked at him with tears in her eyes.

"I don’t care."

"I just want you to be safe."

She swallowed hard.

"Damir..."

"Let me help you."

Lydia lowered her head.

She wanted to answer him.

She wanted to tell him that she understood why he was saying these things.

But she couldn’t give him what he wanted.

Her heart still belonged to Ivan.

Even after everything.

Even after the pain.

Even after telling herself countless times that she should let him go.

She still loved him.

And that was the part of herself she could not change.

Damir watched her struggle.

He did not push her for an answer.

"I’ll wait."

Lydia looked up.

He stood slowly.

"You don’t have to answer me now."

She remained silent.

Damir gave her one last look.

"I’ll ask the servants to make you some lemon balm tea."

Lydia looked confused.

"Why?"

"It should be safer for you."

She didn’t know what to say.

Damir gave her a small smile.

"Get some rest."

Then he turned and walked toward the door.

Lydia watched him leave.

The door closed quietly behind him.

She continued staring at it.

His words stayed in her mind.

You don’t have to love me.

You can even think of it as you using me.

Let me help you.

Lydia slowly lowered her eyes.

Everything Damir had said was right.

She had a child now.

She could not only think about her own feelings.

She had to think about the baby.

What if Ivan abandoned her again?

What if he decided he did not want the child?

What if everything went wrong?

Damir could give her safety.

He could give her a peaceful life.

He was willing to accept her and the child without asking for anything in return except the chance to protect them.

It was a good offer.

A very good one.

But still...

Lydia’s eyes filled with tears.

She quickly wiped them away.

It did not help.

Another tear rolled down her cheek.

Then another.

She pressed her lips together, trying to stop herself from crying.

She couldn’t.

Everything she had been holding inside for so long finally broke.

Lydia covered her face with both hands.

A quiet sob escaped her.

She hated how weak she felt.

She hated that she could understand Damir’s offer and still not accept it.

She hated that even after everything Ivan had done, she still wanted him.

Her heart still remembered the man who had held her through the storm.

The man who had promised not to leave her again.

The man she had loved long before their marriage had fallen apart.

She wanted to believe his promise.

But she was afraid.

So afraid.

Lydia curled up on the bed, tears continuing to stream down her face.

She cried for a long time.

She cried until her eyes hurt and her body became too tired to continue.

Eventually, exhaustion took over.

Her eyes slowly closed.

She fell asleep with tears still wet on her cheeks.