Chapter 79

Something entered my [Awareness] as I was turning another page of "Early Integration And Stabilization Of The [Vitality] Aspect", a tome thick enough to support multiple times my entire geared weight without bending, provided to me by Xafsa.

Consequently, it occupied the center of the booknest I had assembled atop one of the Aspirant repository shelves, surrounded by notebooks, reference texts, loose sheets, and the occasional sealed sample report I had yet to return.

I finished reading the paragraph before looking up, meeting the eyes of a leisurely approaching fairy possessing short blonde hair, golden eyes, and four wings marked by intricate patterns of darker gold that branched through their translucent surfaces.

For an instant, the resemblance brought to mind the male fairy I met during the one and only Utopia festival I had yet to attend.

Did I get his name then?

I didn't believe so.

[Guided] not only confirmed my belief, but also brought up the exact memory of that fairy.

More than a year had passed since then, but [Guided] returned the memory with enough precision for the similarity to become undeniable.

The fairy approaching me simply appeared a bit older.

Or rather, more mature, as the male fairy I met then still had clear infantile traits.

This one was different not merely in the subtle changes fairies accumulated as they matured, but in the confidence with which he moved through the repository as though every passage, individual, and institutional rule had already been accounted for.

His uniform resembled mine.

Pristine white.

Close-fitting.

Adapted around four wings.

Yet the insignia over his chest bore a golden torus knot formed from seven interwoven loops.

A Lifewarden.

Three ranks above me.

He landed confidently on the edge of my booknest and bowed in the manner Stavros had once taught me signified neutral intentions combined with a receptive disposition toward dialogue.

"Greetings, young Solaena."

I stood and returned the gesture in full, accounting for the angle of my wings, the position of my hands, the duration of the bow, and every other mannerism required to present a neutral, receptive, and adequately learned facade.

"Greetings, elder."

"You know your manners?" His brows raised in what appeared to be an agreeable surprise. "Fantastic. I held little hope considering your unusual circumstances, but I am always pleased to be surprised in this particular manner."

"As you met one of my descendants during the latest Utopia festival—Ilja—you may continue considering me an elder figure rather than troubling yourself with more distant forms of address. Elder Irvin will suffice."

Efficient.

In very few words, he had established his identity, relative age, familial connection, preferred form of address, prior investigation into my circumstances, and opinion of my upbringing.

The statement about Ilja—a name I was all too happy to add to my list—also implied more than a casual conversation between relatives.

Irvin knew whom I had encountered.

Where.

Under which circumstances.

And enough of my history to expect that I might lack formal fairy manners.

He had done his research.

"I understand, Elder Irvin."

He nodded once, seemingly satisfied, then continued without requiring me to ask why a Lifewarden had personally flown into an Aspirant repository to visit me.

"The reason I am here is that I took upon myself the delivery of your first tangible incentive reward, which, according to the records I reviewed, you have anticipated intensely enough to cross from the Red Sand Sector to the Everwell Sector alone."

"An impressive display of [Will] and [Ambition], even by standards more appropriate to your development than your age."

"But let us not dither through pointless chatter. I brought four books relevant to your pursuit of solving your Essence overdevelopment disorder: three addressing potential solutions, one explaining why an apparent solution is not one. They are yours and yours only until you exhaust their utility, whether that occurs today or in a decade."

I nodded in acknowledgment and thanks.

The air before him shifted.

Four books appeared.

No opening.

No container.

No visible transition.

They simply went from not existing within my [Awareness] to floating in a neat pile between us.

[Space]?

[Secrecy]?

A specialized storage Aspect?

An [Ether] instrument integrated into his uniform?

Potentially all of them.

Before I could investigate, Irvin directed the books toward me.

I extended both arms.

Their combined mass settled into them.

The stack rose higher than my head, forcing me to lean slightly backward and spread my wings to stabilize myself.

For most giants, the sight of a twenty-centimeter fairy carrying four books taller than herself would probably have appeared ridiculous.

From the perspective of a fairy...

It was simply how handling books worked.

"The Fairy Court remains open to you if you wish to further your learning of our history, culture, lineages, institutions, or the less obvious consequences of being one of our kind inside greater Civilization," Irvin continued while I carried the stack toward the center of my booknest.

"You may not presently consider those subjects relevant, but relevance has a tendency to reveal itself after ignorance becomes inconvenient."

I lowered the books one at a time, staying silent while internally praising the accuracy of such an observation.

"Finally, congratulations on forming your [Vitality] Aspect so early."

"You may inspire jealousy among your fellow lower-ranking members due to your age, formation speed, talent, unusual Path, or whichever simplification they select to explain you or compare themselves to you, but do not ascribe their flawed opinions to the entirety of the Pulse."

"Higher-ranking members tend to view those same qualities much differently; after all, nurturing potential becomes significantly more attractive once one possesses the authority to benefit from its development."

Without requiring [Guided]'s intervention, I easily deciphered the meanings behind his words.

Some lower-ranking Pulse members might perceive my progress as competition.

Probably something along the lines of a promising Aspirant like me potentially threatening their chances if certain important Aspirant-exclusive stations had a limited number of takers.

But someone like Irvin perceived it as an opportunity of sorts.

A promising Aspirant couldn't meaningfully threaten the interests and authority of a Lifewarden, ultimately.

To him, my future competence represented a prospective contribution, connection, subordinate, political piece, research source, or other form of institutional value.

Meaning... he wasn't merely congratulating me.

He was telling me where greater attention would originate.

And perhaps informing me that such attention had already begun.

"Your delivery, information, invitation, and acknowledgment are appreciated," I answered, supported by [Guided]. "I will return the books once I can no longer extract sufficient utility from them to justify retaining them."

"Then my task is complete."

Irvin bowed.

I returned it.

One beat of his gold-patterned wings lifted him from my booknest.

Another sent him over the shelf's edge.

And within seconds, he passed beyond my [Awareness] and vanished from my sight.

It was almost as though he had never visited.

Except I now possessed four books capable of directing the next stage of my Path.

I looked toward "Early Integration And Stabilization Of The [Vitality] Aspect".

Then closed it.

My newly formed [Vitality] Aspect would remain newly formed weeks from now.

My overdevelopment disorder, however, had already persisted for years as an absolute annoyance that even minutes ago had been the reason I was reading in such a leisurely fashion.

As such, the four reward texts took precedence.

I shifted my previous reading materials toward the outer edge of my booknest and spread the new books around me.

"On The Relationship Between Essence Volatility And Essence Evolution".

"Essence [Flow] And Its Uses - Volume One".

"The Unsuspected Marvels Of [Foundation]".

"Finding [Serenity] In [Meditation]—Introduction".

None appeared excessively large and should require no more than one or two hours for a first reading pass.

Three potential solutions.

One explanation of what wasn't a solution.

Which belonged where?

The titles offered a likely answer.

Essence Evolution had always sounded like the most direct means of addressing any manner of Essence disorder.

Too direct.

If permanently improving one's Essence through "Evolution" could solve volatility and overdevelopment reliably, Xafsa would not have described the Pulse's known solutions as impermanent.

I retrieved "On The Relationship Between Essence Volatility And Essence Evolution" first.

I confirmed my suspicion by the time I had barely read a tenth of the pages through.

Essence Evolution was not an answer to Essence Volatility.

More precisely, attempting to transform Essence Volatility into Essence Evolution wasn't considered a thing to begin with, much less a repeatable one.

Still, I was getting to learn so much novel [Knowledge] that this denial of a solution didn't hit me nearly as hard as I expected.

Like the fact that Essence Volatility was academically accepted to be Essence attempting to differentiate itself without possessing a sufficiently stable structure through which that difference could manifest.

Or that Essence Evolution could academically be considered to be the exact opposite.

A permanent "improvement" to the nature, capacities, stability, or fundamental operation of one's Essence.

Greater biological energy storage.

More efficient [Physicality]-related Aspects.

Increased resistance to various ailments, including rare forms of Essence corruption.

The transformation of intrinsic Essence traits into a more advanced expression.

But for any change to qualify as an "Evolution" rather than a "Mutation" or ordinary development, the change had to permanently elevate Essence without compromising the Path it supported.

That demanded direction.

Structure.

[Comprehension].

And allegedly... decades of preparation.

The most unusually successful methods described in the book still required years.

Not years from first learning of the method to experiencing results.

Years of one's Essence undergoing slow, deliberate transformation after preparation had already been completed.

In comparison, Essence Volatility unfolded across minutes or, rarely, hours.

More often than not, seconds.

The book described trying to channel such an unstable phenomenon into an Evolution as comparable to attempting to construct a tower during an explosion by directing every fragment of debris toward its intended position.

Done before?

Yes.

The authors of this book had found four "proven" records of Essence Volatility preceding Essence Evolutions.

Repeatable?

No.

Because it was four cases against tens of thousands preceding Essence Mutations, Aspect corruptions, physical vessel drift, conceptual contamination, corruption, and death.

And evidently, what they had not found was a method of reliably determining which outcome would occur.

Even supposing one could guarantee that Essence Volatility could be directed to produce either an Essence Mutation or an Essence Adaptation—which, as it turned out, actually weren't the same thing but two similar phenomena with extremely subtle differences...

Neither phenomenon had ever been [Control]led with enough rigor to qualify as a solution.

An adaptation might answer the immediate source of pressure while weakening the Essence against everything else.

A mutation might be beneficial in one context and catastrophic across one's broader Path.

The few recorded successes occurred within circumstances too extreme, complicated, or unique to be repeated.

One involved an entity trapped within a collapsing Realm whose Essence altered itself to become temporarily compatible with the disintegrating environment.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

Another involved the combined intervention of multiple Aspects whose exact interactions couldn't be reconstructed.

One fortunate individual had experienced an apparently perfect Essence Mutation after remaining exposed to an unknown phenomenon for several days.

The phenomenon had never appeared again.

None constituted a method.

Attempting to [Control] Essence Volatility was therefore a lost cause.

Not necessarily forever, though.

Just... according to all presently established [Knowledge].

I closed the book with a soft clap of displaced air.

So that was the non-solution.

No disappointment followed.

Essence Evolution remained fascinating.

Eventually, I would study it.

Permanently improving my Essence aligned too thoroughly with my Path to ignore.

But not now.

Access to reliable Essence Evolution methods appeared to be an exceptionally difficult endeavor.

And that was without counting the allegedly exceedingly protracted preparation periods.

And nothing I had read suggested that an Essence Evolution could be produced quickly enough to address any of my immediate concerns.

I set the book aside.

Three remained.

All potential solutions.

I selected "Essence [Flow] And Its Uses - Volume One".

The first third of it introduced the [Flow] Aspect.

About how it was commonly treated as a variant of the [Control] Aspect I had been considering for so long but always ended up rejecting.

Both purportedly allowed those who formed them to deliberately influence the behavior of something.

But where [Control] imposed direction through authority, [Flow] imposed it through movement.

[Control] could halt.

Separate.

Restrain.

Fix something within a desired state.

[Flow] excelled at continuity.

Redirection.

Transition.

Distribution.

Allowing forces to move without allowing that movement to become aimless.

Neither was objectively superior.

[Control] offered precision, especially when dealing with stable or discrete targets.

[Flow] adapted more readily to systems that never stopped changing.

Water.

Air.

Heat.

Crowds.

Thoughts.

[Cycle]s.

And to some measure...

Essence.

That last category occupied a relatively small portion of the introductory volume, but the instant the book stepped into more in-depth topics, it was all I started reading about.

At higher advancement Tiers, the [Flow] Aspect presumably demonstrated peculiar applications upon its wielder's own Essence.

Essence wasn't ordinarily still.

It shifted according to thought, [Will], Aspect use, development, injury, communion, and countless other influences.

Most changes were too minute to matter.

But Essence Volatility transformed those ordinary movements into unstable currents.

Pressure gathered.

Development concentrated unevenly.

Conceptual fragments collided.

One region of Essence might attempt to settle while another continued producing disruptive waves.

The [Flow] Aspect couldn't eliminate the underlying cause.

However, ostensibly, sufficiently advanced wielders had made their Essence [Flow] in ways that redistributed those disturbances.

Sharp pressures became wider currents.

Localized instability spread across structures capable of bearing it.

Conceptual disturbances were guided along routes where compatible Aspects could absorb or integrate them.

Instead of forcing disordered and volatile Essence to become stable through [Control], [Flow] prevented the volatility from remaining concentrated enough to overwhelm one "region".

A smoothing process.

Potentially.

The text contained no guarantee that it would apply to Essence overdevelopment disorders.

It did, however, include three cases where Essence [Flow] practices reduced the severity and duration of overdevelopment symptoms.

Not solved.

Reduced.

One entity had expanded the interval between dangerous volatility events.

Another had transformed irregular surges into a lower but nearly continuous instability that proved easier to withstand.

A third had developed a permanent Essence [Flow] practice that allowed excess development to settle through its Path more evenly.

All three had supposedly possessed the [Flow] Aspect at Tier 3 or higher.

Meaning forming the Aspect alone would accomplish little.

I would have to advance it.

Understand it.

Integrate it with my [Cultivation] Aspect.

Then design a deliberate... "Essence [Flow] [Cultivation]" capable of interacting with the exact structure of my overdevelopment disorder.

Difficult.

Long-term.

Yet...

Promising.

Very promising.

I placed the book beside the first and retrieved "The Unsuspected Marvels Of [Foundation]".

Unlike [Flow], [Foundation] wasn't classified as a variant of any broader Aspect.

Its underlying concept was simply that distinct, for the [Foundation] Aspect concerned itself with what everything else rested upon.

Not only physical [Foundation]s.

The basic [Knowledge] supporting later [Comprehension].

The first practices upon which [Mastery] was built.

The relationships integrating Aspects into a Path.

The structures through which Essence endured development without losing stability.

The conceptual definition appeared simple.

Its consequences weren't.

Every Essence Entity possessed a [Foundation].

Not necessarily a [Foundation] Aspect.

A [Foundation].

The accumulated state from which further development proceeded.

Age contributed to it.

Repeated Aspect use.

Stable [Cultivation].

Experience.

The settling of prior advancements.

The gradual integration of changes until what had once demanded deliberate effort became an ordinary part of existence.

My soon-to-be obsolete physiological [Cultivation] [Cycle] was part of my [Foundation].

My [Mastery] and [Comprehension] of my body.

My [Mastery] and [Comprehension] of my wings and how to use them for complex flight maneuvers.

The relationships between my [Clarity], [Comprehension], [Mastery], and other Aspects.

All could be considered portions of my Path's [Foundation].

The [Foundation] Aspect did not create such things from nothing.

It recognized them.

Stabilized them.

Expanded their capacity to support what came afterward.

And more relevantly...

It affected Essence overdevelopment directly.

The authors compared forming [Foundation] to allowing one's Essence to mature naturally over an extended period.

Time would not pass faster.

No missing experience would appear.

No Aspect would advance merely because the [Foundation] Aspect would declare it stable.

But one's Essence would apparently reorganize around what the wielder considered fundamental.

Settled developments would become more deeply integrated.

Existing structures would gain greater capacity to receive further changes.

Instability would fade faster because the [Foundation] beneath it would expand to accommodate what had previously exceeded its limits.

In practical terms...

My overdevelopment safety margin would be widened.

The same degree of Essence development might cease pushing me as close to the dangerous stage of Essence Volatility.

And after I did exceed the margin, the resulting disorder would fade faster.

The text documented multiple cases where forming [Foundation] granted effects comparable to several years of ordinary Essence maturation.

The comparison was argued as imprecise, though.

Different Paths matured differently.

Some entities gained little immediate stability but enormous long-term benefits.

Others experienced an abrupt expansion of what their Essence could sustain.

Nevertheless, nearly all acquired secondary improvements.

Greater stability and less [Chaos] while forming or advancing Aspects.

Higher [Clarity] between foundational and auxiliary [Knowledge].

An easier transition from conscious competence to instinctive [Mastery].

More coherent relationships between concepts already considered integral to one's Path.

A strengthened basis for future Aspect syntheses.

The potential benefits were extensive.

But so were the questions it produced when applied to my own Path.

What would my Essence consider foundational?

What did I?

Were those answers identical?

Would the [Foundation] Aspect reinforce my existing Path or force me to define it too narrowly?

Could mistakenly including something within my [Foundation] make it harder to remove later?

How did the [Foundation] Aspect interact with Origin Aspects?

Could it stabilize my Essence overdevelopment disorder while also stabilizing the structures producing it?

Could I use [Purity] to prevent that?

Could my [Harmony] distinguish the [Foundation] of my Path from the temporary state of my young Essence?

The text answered some.

Not enough, unfortunately.

It necessitated further research.

Much further.

Leaving this third book aside, I grabbed "Finding [Serenity] In [Meditation] - Introduction".

Its opening pages nearly convinced me to close it.

The author's Path revolved around [Meditation].

Inner stillness.

The stabilization of thought and Essence through prolonged withdrawal from external stimuli.

The eventual formation of the [Anima], [Soul], and other such Aspects I had already judged poorly aligned with my Path due to it introducing "weaknesses"—Knight Thalor's take on the Two Laws Essence Doctrine.

As for the [Serenity], it was presented not merely as an absence of disturbance, but as a state in which disturbances lost the capacity to propagate.

Thoughts could arise without disrupting the mind.

Pain could be experienced without spreading into fear or urgency.

Essence could develop without every wave producing another.

At higher Tiers, hypothetically, the Aspect allowed one to deliberately calm one's Essence.

Advancement disorders settled faster.

The aftereffects of Essence overdevelopment shortened.

Weeks of necessary idleness became days.

Days became hours.

Some sufficiently advanced wielders could even allegedly endure extraordinary Essence disturbances, enter [Meditation], and emerge with their Essence nearly settled.

It was a shame the Path presented by the book wasn't mine.

I had no interest in structuring my existence around stillness, withdrawal, and [Balance].

Or even the remote intention of one day forming a [Soul] Aspect.

My [Ambition] stood too centrally opposed to the book's repeated emphasis on releasing one's desires rather than allowing them to stir one's Path.

The author would likely have considered my practice of invoking energy through the unbearable weight of [Ambition] to be the exact opposite of [Serenity].

Hence, I dismissed forming the Aspect through the recommended route.

I did not dismiss its principles.

Essence disturbances propagated through relationships.

One current agitated another.

That one disturbed an Aspect.

The Aspect's reaction produced additional development.

The resulting development strengthened the original instability.

A [Cycle].

[Serenity] interrupted it.

Not necessarily through suppressing the disturbance.

Through preventing each consequence from amplifying what preceded it.

Could I reproduce something similar?

[Clarity] could distinguish individual disturbances.

[Harmony] could prevent them from conflicting destructively.

[Purity] could separate what belonged to genuine development from what amounted to conceptual contamination.

[Mastery] could direct the process.

[Cultivation] could turn it into a repeatable practice that would only get better with time and effort.

Perhaps an undiscovered synergy between [Clarity], [Harmony], and [Purity] could approximate the useful portion of [Serenity] without requiring me to form an Aspect misaligned with my Path.

Or perhaps not.

But the possibility existed.

As I closed this fourth and final book, I noticed that only a few hours remained before my next duty period.

Amply sufficient.

I retrieved a fresh notebook from beneath my abandoned [Vitality] tome.

Its cover was blank.

For years, I had maintained scattered notes concerning my disorder.

Safety-margin calculations.

Density events.

Volatility symptoms.

Potential causes.

Possible Aspects.

Failed practices.

But they had never warranted a dedicated notebook named for an objective I possessed no tangible route toward accomplishing.

That...

Had now changed.

I placed the notebook before me and wrote a name I had considered long ago.

Overcoming Overdevelopment

And on the first pages, I started dividing my findings.

Essence Evolution.

Not a present solution.

Essence Volatility couldn't be reliably directed toward productive permanent change.

Even successful Mutations and Adaptations remained uncontrollable.

Evolution itself required long-term study.

I retained it as future research but otherwise dismissed it from this line of research.

The [Flow] Aspect.

Active management.

Potential to redistribute, smooth, and guide Essence instability.

Would likely require a high Tier.

I needed to investigate its compatibility with my existing Aspects.

I jotted down the prospective [Insight] of Essence [Flow] [Cultivation].

The [Foundation] Aspect.

Structural expansion.

Potential to widen my overdevelopment safety margin and accelerate the settling of existing Essence overdevelopment.

It may provide effects comparable to years of natural Essence maturation.

I needed to investigate the risks of stabilizing unsuitable or temporary structures.

Highest immediate research priority.

The [Serenity] Aspect.

Accelerated settling.

My Path was unsuitable for it in its current state.

Preferably, I would extract its underlying principles.

I needed to investigate its reproduction through existing Aspects rather than direct formation.

Three potential solutions.

None immediate.

None simple.

Exactly what I anticipated when I first contemplated the solutions I may find in the Everwell Sector under the sky radiance of the Red Sand realm.

Had Irvin delivered one book containing a procedure I could blindly reproduce, I would have questioned why Xafsa described the Pulse's solutions as impermanent rather than straightforward.

Instead, I now possessed three answers.

One could help me manage instability while it occurred.

One could expand the structure capable of enduring development.

One could shorten the periods during which my Essence remained unsafe afterward.

[Flow].

[Foundation].

[Serenity].

Potentially complementary.

If [Foundation] widened my safety margin, [Flow] distributed the development occurring within it, and principles derived from [Serenity] accelerated recovery after, or before, I exceeded it...

The weeks of idleness that had shackled my Path could be turned into days.

Perhaps hours.

Not freedom yet.

But enough space to push.

Enough space to experiment.

Enough space to turn an impermanent solution into the [Foundation] of something greater.

My [Ambition] stirred.

I soothed it.

Reading four introductory books didn't justify immediate Essence development.

I needed more [Knowledge].

More [Comprehension].

A comparison between the three approaches.

Records of failures.

Interaction risks.

The exact Tiers required.

Whether the Pulse possessed supervised practices.

Whether forming the [Foundation] Aspect after my [Vitality] Aspect would produce different effects than forming it before.

Whether the [Flow] Aspect risked spreading instability into previously unaffected Aspects.

Whether attempting to reproduce the [Serenity] Aspect through my [Harmony] Aspect could cause my Essence to integrate volatility rather than calm it.

The questions accumulated.

I recorded them.

Filled pages.

Reorganized them.

Established preliminary priorities.

Then the clock informed me that my duty period was imminent.

I closed the notebook.

Returned a couple of discarded books to their proper place.

Then, as my four reward books couldn't be left unattended atop a shelf for the duration of my shift due to them being my responsibility, I bound the four together with sturdy thread, lifted the resulting stack, and glided toward the nearest attendant station.

The attendant looked at the books.

Then at me.

Then back at the books towering over my head.

"Temporary safekeeping until my duty period ends," I explained. "They are incentive-program materials assigned to me by Lifewarden Irvin and are not to be returned to circulation."

The attendant processed the information, verified my identification, and accepted them without requiring six separate questions.

Retaining "Overcoming Overdevelopment" on me, I finally departed the Aspirant repositories.

Golden lines pulsed through the pristine white walls as I entered one of the exterior fairy passages.

I accelerated.

The air [Flow]ed around my wings.

[Flow].

My body remained stable beneath every turn and change of velocity because countless practices had become inseparable from its operation.

[Foundation].

The residual disturbances left by forming [Vitality] had already settled enough for my Essence to continue functioning without strain.

Not [Serenity].

But perhaps something adjacent.

Because as it turned out, the strangest part of everything I had just learned wasn't that the Pulse possessed methods capable of attenuating my overdevelopment disorder.

It wasn't that all three involved Aspects.

It wasn't even that none offered a permanent solution.

It was that [Flow] and [Foundation] had already occupied positions near the top of my prospective Aspect list.

Before I knew either possessed explicit, proven applications against Essence overdevelopment.

Before Xafsa revealed that solutions existed.

Before Irvin delivered those books.

I had considered [Flow] because of its broad compatibility with [Cultivation], [Harmony], movement, energy, thought, and Essence.

I had considered [Foundation] because my Path required something capable of supporting its increasingly excessive structure.

Perfectly rational reasons.

Independent reasons.

And now, both concepts had revealed themselves as answers to the obstacle that had constrained me for years.

A coincidence remained possible.

[Guided] unwittingly stirring my Path toward them also remained possible.

So did the possibility that my Path had naturally been shaped by the problem it most needed to overcome.

Three explanations.

Potentially all correct.

And yet...

The [Truth] remained what it was.

It was truly a confounding [Mystery].

One I would gladly mull over throughout my ensuing duty periods.