Chapter 1337 I’m Going to Get Really Angry With You Part 1

「Substantial」 Conquest Doll Contract Verification Bulletin Board Part.1 「Marriage Activity」

「1: Dolmen」

Yes

「2: Cufflinks」

Don’t you just “Yes” us!

「3: Brown Tibby」

Here I Come! My beautiful Conquest Dolls! We have Elma Type! We have Ririel Type! We have Hull Type! We have Ivy Type! We have Ruma Type! So many to choose from!

「4: Gamot」

Could it be that you were some God-Slaying Hero in the previous life or something like that? That’s the vibe I am getting here.

「5: Sergeant Baking Sergeant」

Even though I’m talking that the Ivy Type is exactly my type, doing those encounters require both soberness and persistence, as they are surprisingly difficult. Also, it seem that you need to possess a high communications skills, something that might turn out to be way too great of a hurdle for some of us to overcome……

「6: Strong Power ☆ Powder」

I’m sorry to hear that your attempt at making contract with Elma Type ended up in a miserable failure.

「7: Brown Tibby」

The Elma Type is really amazing and popular right about now. I even saw a guy who tried to approach her with a bouquet of flowers in hand! Roses, at that! It was actually so cringey that I could not stop laughing my ass off!

「8: Gamot」

You were not the only one who found that to be cringey, you know? Did you see the shock on Sigma-chan’s face? It was so genuine that it was actually kind of unbelievable!

「9: Cufflinks」

If shock had an actual impact in physical form, it would certainly send shockwaves or earthquakes all over the continents here. Or spark another pointless war across the message boards in real life. ShangriLa Frontier certainly knows how to make an impact!

「10: Tank Loli Concrete」

Ririel Type …… She’s my dream wife material……

「11: Starch」

Ririel Type sure is nice, but if there is anything that she ISN’T, that would be a wife material. Her personality seems to be really bad and nasty, so I wouldn’t really want to be stuck with something like that for the rest of my life, you know?

「12: Pareo Parade」

>> 11 Yeah, what he said.

Not to mention that we literally don’t know a thing about them. Who knows? They might actually be really bad, and we just keep on idolizing them because of their looks.

「13: Brown Tibby」

Ririel Type …… Tank “Loli Concrete” …… Ah (sudden realization) It took me a moment, but now I understand the joke. I get it, and I absolutely hate myself because of that.

「14: Tank Loli concrete」

I’ll give you a many apologies that you like, but that’s not it, actually. It’s just a bad pun, because I thought that it would be funny……

「15: Cufflinks」

It seems that each Type of Conquest Dolls have different requirements and conditions that are needed to make a contract with them. So that’s actually really terrible, but also strangely realistic. Even if you do manage to find a Conquest Doll of your dreams, the one that ticks all of your strike zones, you might not be able to make a contract with her because you do not meet the necessary conditions. That’s actually kinda sad now that I think about it.

「16: Starch」

Maybe it’s something that differs depending on the battle style of the Player? But that being said, I would like to ask one thing that’s been bothering me for a while now: do we even know just how many “Types” of Conquest Dolls are there in the world? Like, in total?

「17: Brown Tibby」

It seems to be at least fifty types of Conquest Dolls. At least their whole squad is fifty people large, so that’s the assumption. It might actually be wrong.

「18: Dolmen」

In other words, the probability of actually meeting a Conquest Doll is already pretty low, and even then, you have like one in fifty chance that the one Conquest Doll that you have managed to find matches your battle style and other requirements? Sounds rough……?

「19: Pareo Parade」

I think it would be much faster to just ask the “Library” about this. They have the people and resources to conduct a quick investigation that is bound to return some actual solid results.

「20: Fan Fanido l」

I’m not good at Japanese! I’m sorry I want you to tell me! What are you talking about!? With the details, please!

「21: Starch」

Huh? Is there some sort of mistake here? This isn’t a crash course class for Japanese, you know that?

「22: Cufflinks」

No, I mean…… Why is there someone from oversees in here? Isn’t this supposed to be a strictly Japanese message board? Now I’m genuinely confused.

「23: Gamot」

Fan Fanido l? What’s that supposed to mean?

Is this something like “Fan” “Fan” “Idol”?

Oh, I get it. This guy is just crazy. A psycho fan? Is that the way in which wackos like that are called?

「24: Fan Fanido l」

I came all the way to Japan after watching the BB & DI video! It got me inspired to do so!

「25: Pareo Parade」

Yup, a definitive wack job. A genuine freak. A true pervert, for sure.

「26: Sergeant Baking Sergeant」

But wait. What the hell is even BB & ID?

「27: Fan Fanido l」

I want to meet Sigma-chan! I want to meet her so bad! Do you know how I can accomplish this?

「28: Dolmen」

Oh, I get it now! They are probably talking about Bomber Bunny & Idol Doll! You know, the streaming service where Tsuchinoko-san’s Orchestra Capture video originates from! But I can bet any one of you that this guy recorded the whole stream just so that they could edit the video later! You know, leave only the parts where Sigma-chan is on the screen! That, and the part where Tsuchinoko-san’s clothes keep on bursting!

「29: Tank Loli Concrete」

After all, I guess that obsessing over our waifus is the universal idea that has all the power necessary to unite all the people of the world under the same banner. When it comes to that notion, races, countries and oceans are no longer obstacles. Kind of ironic, wouldn’t you all agree?

「30: Starch」

I have heard that if you are outed as a lolicon oversees, then you are going to be treated like a criminal in about seventy fiver percent of Western countries. So if we have people like that in this very message board, you might want to keep quiet for now, guys. At least until the storm finally passes.

「31: Fan Fanido l」

Rori-kon are not good! Those are bad people! People with mental problems! They deserve to get beaten up by the parents of the children they chose to molest! That’s not normal! It’s just weird!

「32: Tank Loli Concrete」

Hoo boy, am I glad that I was born in Japan and not anywhere else in the world.

「33: Shut Outer」

Sigma-chan’s shock has the power to cross the sea ocean and go international? Who would have thought, huh?

「34: Poison God Machine Tribe」

Hah! Guess what, folks!? I was actually able to make a contract with the Conquest Doll! And I’m not even kidding here! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

「35: Dolmen」

Huh? You’re actually shitting us right now, right?