Chapter 461: The Stinkiest Centaur Of Them All

The panic continued around them.

Some centaurs started rubbing themselves with flowers they plucked.

Others were rushing to the prize shop.

"Give me all the perfumes you have!"

"Do you have anything that smells good?!"

"I’ll trade all my remaining coins!"

Luca then watched as Elder Agnes suddenly stood up from the huddle and raised her voice above.

"EVERYONE, LISTEN TO ME! THIS IS NOT THE END! WE ARE CENTAURS! WE HAVE FACED WARS AND PLAGUES! WE ARE NOT GOING TO BE DEFEATED BY BODY ODOR!"

The chaos slowly began to subside. Centaurs stopped running. Sniffing tapered off.

"Now." Agnes said, her voice brooking no argument. "The Hero has done us a great service tonight. An embarrassing service. A deeply, deeply humiliating service. But a service nonetheless!"

"He has told us the truth that we were too afraid to tell ourselves. And now that we know the truth, we can do something about it!"

"But what can we do?!" Someone wailed. "We can’t reach our lower halves! The cleansing spells don’t work anymore! We’ve tried everything!"

"Then we find something new!" Filda thundered. "We are centaurs! We adapt! We overcome! And if we can’t solve this problem ourselves..."

She turned, and her eyes landed squarely on Luca.

"We ask for help."

Every head in the clearing swiveled toward him.

Luca suddenly felt very, very exposed.

"Hero." Filda said, her voice dropping to something more measured, more hopeful. "You’ve already given us so much. New legs. New shoes. New games. New joy. Is there..."

"...is there anything in that magical world of yours that could help us with this?"

Luca found himself at the center of a tightening circle. Everywhere he turned, there were centaurs looking at him with the same desperate, pleading expression.

"So?" Riley demanded, her voice strained. "Is there something? Anything?"

"Back in your world." Claudia added, wringing her hands. "Surely you have something. Some magical device. Some potion. A spell that doesn’t need mana—"

"I don’t have a direct solution." Luca admitted, and the collective groan that rose from the crowd was so despairing that it nearly shook the ground.

"Hold on, hold on! Let me finish. In my world, we don’t have centaurs. But we do have horses, and horse owners bathe their horses themselves. They scrub them down by hand. So if you can also help each other out—"

"But we can’t even reach one another properly!" Riley wailed. "That’s the whole problem!"

"I guess..." Luca rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Which means the solution isn’t something you can do alone. Something designed specifically for your own bodies."

"Then there is a solution?" Elder Agnes pressed.

Before Luca could answer, a small figure pushed through the crowd with eyes glistening with tears.

"Hero." Poppy said, her voice wobbling. "You have to fix this! My royal prestige is evaporating with every passing second. I’m supposed to be a queen! A beacon of purity and grace! How can I preside over diplomatic meetings if the entire delegation is holding their noses? How can I negotiate treaties if my own ambassadors are clearing the room?"

She grabbed his sleeve with both hands.

"They’ll call me Princess Stinky. I just know they will!"

"Poppy." Luca said, crouching down to her level. "You don’t stink at all."

Poppy froze. "What?"

"You don’t stink. Not even a little bit." Luca leaned in and made a show of sniffing the air near her. "I don’t know if it’s because you’re a unicorn or something about the transformation from human to unicorn form—but you smell absolutely fine. Better than fine, actually. You smell sweet. Floral. Like honey and wildflowers."

Poppy’s eyes went impossibly wide. Then, slowly, a look of dawning realization spread across her face.

"Of course." She breathed. "Of course I smell good! How could I have been so stupid?!"

She straightened, puffing out her chest until she looked twice her usual size.

"I’m a unicorn. Unicorns are the epitome of purity! Our very essence repels filth and corruption! Why, I could probably roll in a pile of manure and come out smelling like a spring meadow!"

"That’s...probably not something you should test."

But Poppy wasn’t listening. She had already strutted over to Luca’s side, positioning herself beside him like a general joining an allied army.

"Ahhh." She sighed, fanning herself with one hand. "It feels wonderful to smell this good. Simply wonderful. I almost feel sorry for the rest of you."

She cast a pitying glance at her subjects. The centaurs exchanged looks of betrayal.

"However." Poppy continued, her tone shifting to something more regal. "As your queen, I cannot simply stand by while my people suffer. Hero, these poor, unfortunate souls need your help. Not everyone can be blessed with unicorn purity like myself."

She gestured grandly at the crowd. "Look at them. They’re going to die of embarrassment if you don’t do something soon."

"Please!" Nella’s voice cut through the murmurs as she and her little band of ponies pushed their way to the front. "Evil hero, you have to help! I don’t want to be a stinky pony forever!"

"Me neither!" another little pony wailed. "I want to smell like the elf children! They always smell like flowers and sunshine!"

"This is the most important mission ever!" Nella declared, stamping her tiny hoof. "More important than fighting humans! More important than protecting the queen! If we can’t solve the stink problem, nothing else matters!"

Luca knelt down and placed a gentle hand on Nella’s head, ruffling her chestnut hair.

"You know what? You little ones don’t actually have anything to worry about."

Nella blinked up at him. "We don’t?"

"Not at all. You smell perfectly fine. Sweet, even. Every time I carried you around today, I felt like I’d walked into a little bakery. Fresh bread and sugar."

The little ponies gasped in unison.

"We smell like a BAKERY?!"

"The BEST kind of smell!"

"I TOLD you I smelled good! Nobody believed me but I KNEW it!"

Nella, for her part, had puffed up like a proud little pigeon.

"Of course I smell nice." She announced, tossing her mane. "I always knew I was superior. This just confirms it." She shot a pointed look at Riley. "Unlike some centaurs I could name."

Riley’s eye twitched. "You little—"

"La la la, I can’t hear you over the sound of how GOOD I smell!"

And just like that, Nella and her friends trotted over to join Poppy and Luca, forming a small but smug coalition of the pleasantly-scented.

The rest of the village stood on the other side. The stinky side. And every single one of them was looking at Luca like he was the only lifeboat on a sinking ship.

"Please, Luca." Claudia stepped forward, her voice cracking. "The Galloping Brigade’s entire purpose is to travel from territory to territory, purifying the land and protecting our allies. But if we know we smell..."

She covered her face with both hands.

"How can we possibly show ourselves at the elven court? At the beastkin gatherings? The dark elves already mock us enough as it is!"

"She’s right." another centaur added. "We’re supposed to be ambassadors of honor and dignity. How can we hold our heads high when we’re leaving a trail of—of—odor behind us everywhere we go?"

"Please, Hero!"

"Help us!"

"You’re our only hope!"

"Sir Luca."

Finally even Sigrid stepped forward, and the crowd parted for her instinctively

"I apologize." She said quietly. "I know we’ve asked so much of you already. More than any guest should ever have to give." She swallowed hard. "But this...this is different. This isn’t about battle or honor or duty. This is about..."

She struggled for the words. "This is about whether I can let you ride me again."

Luca felt his heart clench. "Sigrid—"

"I can’t do it." She whispered. "Knowing what I know now, I can’t let you sit on my back. I can’t let you be that close to me when I smell like..."

She couldn’t finish the sentence. Her hands clenched at her sides.

"If you don’t help us—if you don’t help me—then I won’t be able to carry you anymore. The covenant won’t matter. Nothing will matter. I won’t be able to bear the shame of it."

"Sigrid—"

"I mean it." Her eyes came up, and there was real steel in them. "Fix this, Sir Luca. Or find yourself another ride."

Luca looked at all of them—every single centaur staring at him as though he were their only salvation.

And then he sighed and he broke into a smile.

"Fine..."

The crowd held its breath.

"I’ll help you all out."

"HOOORAAAYYYY!!!!" The explosion of cheers that followed was deafening.

Centaurs were hugging each other, crying, laughing, stamping their newly-shod hooves in celebration.

Somebody started a chant of "HE-RO! HE-RO!" that spread through the crowd like wildfire. Poppy was jumping up and down, her horn swinging dangerously close to several faces.

The little ponies were doing some sort of celebratory dance that involved a lot of tail-swishing and bottom-wiggling.

"I’m not done!" Luca shouted over the noise. The cheering subsided. "I said I’d help, but you need to understand what that means. It’s not a one-time fix. I’m going to build something that will let any centaur get properly clean whenever they want. Not just tonight. Not just tomorrow. Forever."

"You’re going to build us a...a bathhouse?" Claudia asked, her eyes shining.

"Something like that. But better. Something that will make sure not a single speck of sweat or debris is left on your bodies."

The second wave of cheering was even louder than the first.

"No more hiding behind perfume!"

"No more pretending mud is a fashion statement!"

"I’m going to cry! I waited for this for so long!"

"I can finally stop apologizing to my mattress for rubbing my scent into it!"

"To our future cleanliness!"

"To soft, shiny coats!"

"Our sister’s utter rebirth begins tomorrow!"

Luca watched the celebration with a bemused expression. They were even happier now than they’d been when he’d fixed the elders’ legs.

’Women.’ He thought. ’No matter the species, no matter the world—they loved their cleanliness.’

But the celebration was cut short by a single voice.

"Hero?"

Luca looked down. Poppy was tugging at his sleeve, her head tilted in curiosity.

"Yes, Poppy?"

And the queen made her innocent, terrible, catastrophic inquiry.

"I was just wondering...Out of everyone here—who’s the stinkiest?"

Silence.

Absolute, crushing silence.

Every single centaur turned to stare at Luca. And in their eyes was not curiosity—it was terror of being crowned the Stinkiest Centaur in the Village.

Luca felt sweat bead on his forehead. "That’s—I don’t think that’s an appropriate question, Poppy."

"Oh, come on!" Someone called.

"Just tell us!"

"Be honest with us, Hero—you’ve already told us we stink, you might as well finish the job!"

"Who is it?"

"Who stinks the most?"

Luca could see what was happening. None of them actually wanted to know who was the stinkiest.

They just wanted to make sure it wasn’t them!

Having no choice, his eyes swept across the crowd. Every centaur he looked at clenched up, their hearts visibly pounding.

His eyes passed over Riley—she flinched.

Over Claudia—she stopped breathing.

Over Sigrid—and she looked like she was about to faint, her face deathly pale.

The crowd waited in agonized suspense.

Finally, Luca’s gaze settled on one centaur trying to hide behind the others.

He rubbed his head awkwardly.

"Well...I think it’s probably you, Mavis."