“A Fan of Your Physical Form” (57.2) (Oka)

I did my best to relay the dream to Zeta. I hoped she would be at least a little excited, but she surprised me with how engaged she was from the moment I got to the general conceit of it.

"So it's got me all heated up, and spending all day in class and then all afternoon watching Iris and Maia and Lillia and Ko get to be all. You know. While I want to be all you know! With you!"

While I waited for her response, I'll admit my eyes drifted for a second. Maybe a bit longer. Was I this riled up from one stinking dream? I always had a base level excitement about Zeta that was very high, but this felt even higher than usual.

"Oh gosh," Zeta said. "That's...huh."

"So yeah, not mad at you, just," I said. "I think I'm just feeling...a...Zeta?"

While I was talking, Zeta got up and left, which was very unlike her when I was in the middle of saying something. I thought I might have maybe overloaded her system. Zeta looked through her drawers, then turned to the closet and searched through there.

"Dang," Zeta said. "I was hoping I had a bathrobe around somewhere."

"Wait," I said.

"Did we get bathrobes with our uniforms?" Zeta asked. "I don't remember..."

"Hold on," I said. "What would you be getting the bathrobe for?"

Zeta giggled. "I mean...it might be fun to live that dream out, maybe?"

"Would you really?" I squeaked. I didn't doubt she would, just her saying it so readily caught me off guard.

Obviously, everyone has kind of a reputation, especially at a school where gossip spreads quickly. I was suddenly reminded of a conversation with a classmate where they asked what Zeta was like when we were alone, the implication either being something about her being her easily startled, anxious self (I say this incredibly affectionately) or if she was like the fabricated version of Zeta from rumors that was very scheming and constantly either cheating or trying to break up relationships. It made me kind of proud to see this side of Zeta that no one else got to.

"I think so!" Zeta said. "I mean, I might need some pushing, and I might get freaked out, but...with the right motivation, I wouldn't be opposed."

We nervously giggled about that, and I felt that feral side of me wanting to just pounce on Zeta. I think she felt the energy too, because we were moving closer and closer, eyeing Zeta's bed to our left to potentially fall down on as we kissed each other. Instead, Zeta surprised me again as she slowly reached for the top buttons of her shirt.

"We don't have a robe, but..." Zeta started, undoing the top button with hands that were starting to shake. “How about…something like this?”

Unsurprisingly, this moment was immediately interrupted by someone knocking at the door.

"We maybe don't have to answer it?" Zeta suggested.

The knocking got louder.

***

After an encounter with some fellow classmates, I was stomping around as Zeta came down from the anxiety spike of how that went.

“Sorry,” I said. I don’t think Zeta had ever heard me swear that loudly before.

"D-did you want to keep going?" Zeta asked.

"I think you might need a few," I said, noting Zeta's still very poofed up tail. "I probably ruined the moment, too."

"Well, I won't have to worry about the door to door magazine sales club bothering us again," Zeta said. "Hopefully they won't interrupt us again, at least."

“You know they will,” I said. “Ugh, I wish we could just go somewhere. I’m getting…all blocked up."

Zeta had sat down on her bed holding one of her new plushies (a new Raina Starlight collection was steadily getting released, so every time I went over to Zeta's room there seemed to be a new one). I joined her on the bed and she hugged me, setting her stuffed Raina in a spy outfit on my lap.

“Is this as far as we’re gonna get forever?” I asked. I felt guilty for saying it immediately “Sorry. That’s…sorry.”

“I hope not," Zeta said. “We hit a plateau kinda, but it’s not for lack of trying."

At least we both wanted something, even if I wasn't exactly sure what yet. Just some next step for us that we'd been hovering around for a long while. We'd gotten to the point where we could make out, and feel each other a bit, but nothing too salacious.

"School always has people bugging us," I said. “My house is always busy, and I haven’t even seen my new place yet.”

“And Stella always comes down to check at us when we’re at the apartment,” Zeta said. "We could try...the texting thing again?"

"I'm still kind of spooked after I screwed that up," I said. Exploring this potential next step through texting was on ice for a little bit after I accidentally messaged the group chat when I was talking to Zeta. After a few weeks of Kalei reminding me of my "I just think your butt is amazing," text, I needed to work up the nerve to try that again. Which was immensely frustrating, because that did feel like a lead for this mythical next step, thinking of the time Zeta and I shared pictures of each other fresh out of the shower (again, nothing too spicy, but it was exciting!). Maybe that was where I got obsessed with Zeta's collarbones.

I don’t really know what I’m ready for. And I don’t want to push Zeta to something she’s not ready for. But we both need something. Or at least I do.

“There’s not something wrong with me, is there?” I asked.

Zeta smooched my cheek. “Nah. I want whatever that next step is as bad as you, too. So maybe there’s something wrong with both of us.”

“I think if you want it too. then it’s not so bad," I said.

“So at least it’s not us blocking our next step," Zeta said. "It’s just—”

With impeccable timing, Kalei arrived, in the middle of typing on her phone.

“This keeps happening," Zeta said.

“Wow, hi to you too, Zeta," Kalei said.