The Hands

(Akane's PoV)

—

We walked in silence. Because every word seemed to be off, for some reason.

The city continued to live around us.

Cars passing by, people going somewhere, a konbini sign flickering on at the corner... everything seemed different.

Seeing strangers walking as if nothing were happening, as if everything were fine, while you were the one with a storm inside... made me feel mixed emotions.

We're all strangers to each other, but we live and share the same world.

Despite my 'pain', that was an ordinary evening in an ordinary district that had no idea of anything.

I kept staying silent, and Shin didn't even ask anything.

His only word was his hand on mine the whole way. 

Every few minutes, his thumb would move once across my knuckles, like a signal.

'I'm here.' 

I couldn't help but smile a little.

When we arrived at his place, he unlocked the door and let me in first. 

As soon as I stepped inside, I took off my shoes in the entryway with the muscle memory of someone who did it over a hundred times.

I stood there, in the hallway of the house he'd just called "ours", feeling its warmth coming up around me like water.

After a few instants, Shin gently patted my back. 

I turned to him and saw his worried expression. 

He gently caressed my cheek, and I couldn't help but close my eyes and touch his hand.

"Go sit on the couch, Akane," he said. "I'll be right back and take care of you." He then smiled.

Without saying another word, I nodded and then went to sit on the couch.

Then, I put my hands in my lap and looked at them. I looked at the dried blood and the small cuts, and for some reason, I felt very far away from all of it, as if the last two hours had happened to somebody I was watching from across a room. It was a strange sensation.

I bit the inside of my cheek to distract myself, and in that moment, Shin came back from the bathroom with a basin of warm water, soap, and a clean towel.

He then knelt on the floor in front of me and took my left hand without a word.

With a tenderness exclusive to him, he lowered it into the warm water, and the sting was sharp for one second before it softened into something almost... good.

Shin washed the blood away gently, working the dried part loose with his thumb, and cleaning each cut with a patience that made my chest ache.

In the end, he dried my hand with the towel, pressing softly, and then held it for a moment before turning it over to check.

Every moment was slow and careful, as if my hand was made of very fragile glass.

"Shin," I whispered.

"Mmh?" He replied, not looking up.

"Thank you."

He paused, and then lifted his eyes.

"Don't you ever thank me for this, Akane," he said, smiling softly. "This is the bare minimum."

I felt my heart skipping a beat.

I looked at him, kneeling on his own floor with a towel and a basin of pink water, helping a broken girl with a ruined face and a ruined day. That was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

I had been waiting for something like that since the day I saw him helping Kurone for the first time.

For some reason, whenever Shin took care of me like this, it always felt like the first time.

After a few instants, he set the basin aside and sat up on the couch beside me, pulling me into him.

My head automatically found his shoulder as his arm came around me.

His hand went back into my hair, moving slowly, with the same rhythm he always used to calm me down.

"I promise," I whispered against him. "I'll tell you everything. But now... just let me stay like this for a while..." I added, burying my face more into him.

"Don't force yourself, Akane... talk whenever you're ready. I won't run away," He said, still petting my head.

"Tonight," I said, hugging him tighter.

"Okay... now just think about relaxing," he whispered.

"Y-yeah..." That's the only thing that could come out of my mouth.

I then pressed myself against him even more, wrapping my arms around his ribs and holding on to him the way you hold on to something in moving water.

"Akane..." Shin whispered.

"Make me forget everything, for this moment, at least..." I said, burying my face deeper. "Just for a little while... please."

After my words, his arms around me tightened. That was his reply.

I listened to his heartbeat, and I even started counting it, the way I used to count sheep as a child, except that sheep never worked and this did.

His heartbeat was slow and completely unbothered. That was the heart of a person who had a calm ocean instead of a storm inside.

His hand kept moving through my hair, and I was finally calming down. That was his magic.

The minutes kept passing, and I felt the shaking in my shoulders slow and then stop. I then fely my breathing find his and match it, like when we sleep together.

Then, after a while, Shin's hand stopped his movements.

I immediately looked up at him and squeezed him, demanding more of his touch.

"Come upstairs with me," he said. "I have a small surprise for you."

My face was still a complete mess, and Shin was probably witnessing a horror show, but I didn't care at all.

"What?" I blinked.

He smiled. A soft one.

"Come and see, Akane," He said.

Then, Shin stood up from the couch, and before I could get my legs under me, he bent down and scooped me up.

One arm under my knees, one behind my back, and suddenly I was off the couch and against his chest. My arms automatically wrapped around his neck.

I was being carried like a princess.

"S-Shin... I can walk, you know..." I said, but I kept clinging tighter to him.

"Can you?" He teased.

"...maybe." My arms tightened around his neck.

"Probably is not a yes," he smiled.

Then, my head tucked itself automatically into the curve of his neck, fitting perfectly. 

My nose pressed against the warm skin just below his jaw. I closed my eyes, and his smell filled my whole head, and for a few instants, I was very far away from everything and everyone.

That was... the position. The one from my childhood. The same position I used to curl into when my mother carried me up the stairs after a bad night. I remembered my face hidden in her neck so I wouldn't have to see the hallway or the house's darkness.

Muscle memory, maybe? My body moved into that position on its own.

Moreover, the fact that the neck belonged to Shin instead of her made something in my chest ache in a way I couldn't explain. 

Something warm, different.

'Ah... let's run away from this world...' I thought.

Shin carried me up the stairs. His footsteps were steady, and the house creaked softly around us.

Neither of us spoke, and those moments were the most peaceful ones I'd had all day.

"We're here, Akane," He said, stopping at the doorway of his room. "Sit by the piano."

"Mmhh... Can't I stay like this forever?" I mumbled into his neck. "You're very comfortable... I want to sleep like this..."

"If I lose my arms, I won't be able to carry you like a princess anymore," He teased. "And wouldn't be able to play."

"Play... what?" I asked.

"Sit and find out," He said, his voice soft.

And then, reluctantly, I let him put me down. I may have held on to his collar for an extra second, because I wasn't ready to let go.

He set me on the edge of his—no, ourbed, which was close to the upright piano in the corner of his room.

Shin was very careful and tender with his movements, and I loved it. 

The desire to pull him on top of me and wrap my arms and legs around his body was too much, but I had to endure.

He said that he had a 'surprise,' and I was really curious.

After giving me one last smile, Shin pulled the bench out, sat down, and lifted the fallboard.

He took a deep breath, put his hands on the piano keys, then took them off and put them back on. 

During those moments, I saw something I'd never seen on him before at that piano: hesitation.

Shin entered a new dimension whenever he placed his hands on the keys, but this time seemed different.

"Close your eyes," He said.

"Why?" I asked, confused.

"Because it will sound much better. Trust me." He said.

In reality, he probably didn't want me to see how nervous he was.

I stared at him for a second, and then I closed my eyes.