My Mother

(Akane's PoV)

—

She really had the guts to ask if I missed her. I couldn't believe my ears.

'This has to be a nightmare. It can't be real. Wake me up, Shin, please.' That's the only thing I could think. 'Save me again, please.'

"My precious little baby... look at you..." My 'mother' took a step towards me. "Despite your look, despite everything... you're still beautiful." A tear fell from her eyes.

"No..." That's the only thing I said, trying to move away from her. My voice was calm but full of panic.

Kurone's mother was watching the entire scene in complete silence, not daring to say a single word.

"Akane... please... come to me. I want to talk to you," My mother said, holding her hands out, inviting me into a 'family hug' I didn't want to have.

I felt a knot in my stomach as my entire body trembled, and my internal temperature felt like it was below zero. 

But the worst thing was that my arms moved by a fraction towards her. They betrayed me.

"Stay away from me... Stay away from me, please." I whispered with wide eyes, my fists clenching involuntarily.

Millions of different thoughts were crossing my mind.

"Why is she here? How does she speak so nonchalantly after telling me that I was not her daughter anymore?"

Everything must've been related to Kenji, but I didn't know what to think.

I asked him not to do anything, and yet, I now find the woman who left me like a discarded toy in front of me.

"Akane... I know you hate me, but... please. Just give me a chance." My mother said, her arms still inviting me. "I will tell you everything, but please... come to me. I just want to hug and feel my beloved daughter after all this time." She was openly crying now. No shame. Nothing.

Her dignity? Gone.

The worst part? A deep part of me wanted to run towards her. 

After her words, I took a deep breath and clenched my fists even more, enough to feel my nails digging deeply into my skin until I felt that bruising sensation of a cut. That feeling made me snap back into reality.

"No. Don't." My voice sharpened. "Don't call me that. Don't you fucking dare."

My mother stopped. Her arms remained in the same position, but her eyes lowered for an instant. 

I saw her tears hitting the floor.

"Akane... my greatest treasure, please..." She said, her arms trembling.

"You can't. You just can't." My voice came out raspy with unshed tears. "You said it. I'm not your daughter anymore. That if I had been born as a boy, we would've been happy. There's no reason for us to talk and pretend as if nothing happened. The Akane you're calling is dead. She's fucking dead and buried. The sweet girl who defended you and bled? Died." I added.

A sob escaped, and I hated it. So fucking much.

"You deleted every single trace of me from your family, and now you're here, in this house, and you're holding your arms out to me as you've returned for a holiday? Are you fucking serious? Do you have any dignity left, Mother?" I said, feeling a hot liquid streaming down my hands.

Without realizing, I had called her like that. It came out naturally. I hated it more than my sob.

She heard it too well, and I saw her reaction. Her lips were slightly parted, and a little gasp came out. Her eyes were still full of tears, but this time she took another step closer.

"Akane... It's not like that, please, believe me," She said, stopping. "It has never been like that. I've been wrong. I've always been wrong my entire life, and my greatest mistake and joy was marrying Shinjiro. He is the worst scum alive, but... he's the reason why you're here. That's the only good thing he has done in his entire life."

I didn't want to hear any other bullshits.

"I don't fucking care. What is done is done. There's no coming back. I made my decision the exact moment I decided to break every single contact with you." I said, taking another deep breath. "You staying here after all these years, in the house of someone else, makes no sense." A pause. "But... why now?" I couldn't control these last words.

She didn't answer right away. Instead, she lowered her arms and looked at me with an expression that I couldn't read. Not at all.

"Because... this is probably the last time we'll see each other," She said, her voice flat but... strange.

After her words, I didn't understand what she meant. My mind, at least.

My body reacted for some reason.

A cold line went down my spine, the hair rose along my forearms, and my stomach dropped through the floor of me a full second before my brain caught up.

"...what?" That's the only thing I could say.

"You already know, Akane. Kenji has already told you what he wants to do, right?" She said. 

I didn't reply. I just clenched my fists even more, but this time I bit my lower lip.

"I gave him everything, including your birth certificate. Showed him everything. Every single proof of the abuse he put us through. Photographs, scars, everything. Even proof of every financial scam he made." She took a deep breath and wiped her tears away before speaking again. "I've signed a testimony. Against your father. About what he did to you and me for all these years."

Then, I felt like the room temperature dropped. My entire body lost all of its warmth. I couldn't speak; I needed to listen, despite all I wanted was to run away.

"And when your father is gonna find out that I betrayed him..." A small pause. "He's gonna kill me."

My mother said that the way other people say 'it might rain later.'

My eyes widened.

"Your father has changed since you left. He doesn't shout anymore. And I'm sure that one day I might stop living because of an 'accident' that won't let me testify against him. He now has every kind of connection to make everything he wants possible." She took one step closer. "That's why I'm here. I wanted to properly say goodbye to the greatest treasure of my entire life, even though I know you hate me for what I said back then. You're still my precious baby, Akane."

'No.' My body started shaking.

'No, no, no. You don't get to say this. You simply can't. I want to run away. I want to see Shin. I need him to tell me that this is a nightmare. I need him to tell me that he loves me. I want to run away. I need to...'

"I just want to hold my only joy one last time." My mother said.

'You don't get to walk into a house you don't live in, after four years, and put this in my hands like a coat you want me to hold.'

I then realized my head was shaking too. Small, fast, side to side, entirely without my permission.

"Stop," I said, my voice leaving no room for argument.

And she stopped.

"Akane..." She whispered.

"You don't get to say that. You simply can't randomly appear after all these years in someone else's house and drop a bomb like that. What did you expect me to do? To run to you as if nothing happened? To forget an entire childhood of neglect and abuse? Are you serious? Do you really think that I'd believe something like that and forget the moment you wished I was never born? Do you really think that I'll believe your words, mother?" I snapped out. Completely.

My words came out automatically, as if I'd held them for a lifetime.

"You seriously think that I'll believe your words after you preferred a bastard instead of your own flesh and blood? You have to be lying. And... you wanted to hold me one last time? That's ironic. Because in some ways, you already killed me four years ago, and I didn't receive anything from you. Do you think that a bank transfer would erase everything, mother? I don't want you... Just stay away from me... please. Now that I've finally learned to smile..."

'I won't be fooled...'

I fell silent after that, and the only sound left in that house was my own breathing.

Heavy, fast, and out of control.

I had thrown out four years in less than a minute, and my body didn't know what to do with the space it left behind. My chest kept moving like I'd been running.

And then something warm slid down my cheek.

I didn't even notice it. I lifted my hand to my face, and my fingers came away wet, and I stared at them as they belonged to somebody else.

My mother didn't speak for a long moment after my crash out.

She just looked at me, and then she lowered her eyes.

"You're right, Akane. You're 100% right. I've failed. As a mother, and as a human being," she said quietly. "But I respect your decision."

That was all.

No argument or second attempt. Nothing.

And I stood there hating how much I wanted her to try again. To speak to me again, to fight now that she had the chance.

Because part of me, in the end, was still six years old. That part remembered a woman brushing her hair in the morning light. Remembered being held so tightly it hurt, in the middle of a hallway, while a door slammed somewhere below. Remembered a voice whispering 'you're my greatest treasure' into her hair when there was nobody left to say it.

That part of me was screaming, but I refused to let it out.

After a few instants, I turned my head toward the woman who had arranged all of this.

"Mrs Sakura," I said, my voice flat and dry. "Please tell Kurone that I'm leaving, and please... speak to her. She needs someone to talk with."

Sakura only nodded. Nothing else. Not a single word, even now.

Then, I turned around and walked toward the entryway. I wanted to get out of this nightmare as soon as possible. I wanted Shin. I needed my real family. I needed his warmth. Nothing more.

But right when my hand touched the doorknob, I heard it.

THUD

Behind me, my mother's legs gave out.

She hit the floor badly and started to cry. And it wasn't quiet.

It was the same cry that Shin saw with me.

I knew that sound. I knew it perfectly.

I had heard it through walls at six years old, lying awake in the dark or from the top of the stairs after a door closed.

It was the exact same pitch. The exact same rhythm. Nothing had changed in all these years, not a single note.

And back then, I always did the same thing.

I would climb out of bed with my feet freezing on the floorboards, and I would find her wherever she'd fallen, and I would put my small arms around her neck and tell her not to cry, that I would protect her, that everything would be fine.

'I love you, mommy. I will love you forever.'

I would say those words while my own knees still hurt.

The moment I heard my mother crying, my body turned around before I could stop it.

And I saw her.

On the floor of someone else's living room, in a coat too expensive for a woman with nothing, both hands pressed over her face, sobbing like a child.

Mommy.

Everything in me broke at the same time.

My hands were shaking. My chest was collapsing inward. My legs wanted to move.

I felt them try, for real, and the six-year-old inside me was screaming to run to her, to hold her, to fix it the way I used to.

But I couldn't move. Not one single step.

Because the lone wolf named Akane Takanashi standing in that room remembered the words that made her who she was today.

And so I stood there.

Frozen between two versions of myself. One begging me to go to her, and another one holding me in place with everything it had.

And I did nothing at all. I didn't know what to do.