Chapter 180: Extra: Marriage-Urging United Front Alliance (1)

On a weekend in Jiangcheng, a light drizzle fell continuously, exuding a lingering, damp chill. With several major cases finally closed, the municipal criminal investigation squad—having worked around the clock for over half a month—finally welcomed a rare rotational break.

Yu Xian closed his umbrella and stood before the old security door, skillfully fishing out a key from beneath the “Peace and Safety” doormat. He inserted the key into the lock and turned it twice, eliciting a soft CLICK.

A waft of cigarette smoke rushed out at him. Yu Xian was already accustomed to it, but this time, the air seemed to carry a hint of… vinegar?

The house was dim, its curtains drawn tightly shut. He changed into a pair of slippers and tiptoed into the living room. His cousin, Yu Zhengze, was fast asleep on the sofa with a police uniform jacket draped over him. He was sleeping deeply, evidently exhausted.

Yu Xian’s gaze swept across the living room, and he couldn’t help but sigh. If his cousin weren’t a criminal investigator, he would have suspected the place had just been burglarized.

On the table sat a half-eaten plate of frozen dumplings, their wrappers swollen, white, and stuck together. Next to it was an open jar of Lao Gan Ma chili crisp, its lid nowhere to be found, leaving several red oil rings on the tabletop. The vinegar saucer—or rather, a water bottle cap cosplaying as a vinegar saucer—had dried into a brown stain.

The floor was even more spectacular. A crushed tissue box lay amidst wadded-up tissues scattered everywhere, looking like the aftermath of a snowball fight. He had no idea how his cousin had managed to use them all. Several clothes hangers lay haphazardly in the middle of the floor, tangled with a few mismatched black socks.

Yu Xian walked to the balcony for some fresh air, but the moment he slid the door open, a damp chill hit him. A few of his cousin’s T-shirts and uniform shirts hung on the drying rack; he reached out and touched them—they were clammy. In this dreadful weather, clothes hung outside simply wouldn’t dry, instead emitting an indescribable musty odor.

“This lifestyle… is way too rough.” Yu Xian shook his head helplessly, brought the clothes inside, and tossed them into the dryer.

In the eyes of outsiders, Yu Zhengze was the majestic “Captain Yu”—resolute and masterful at solving cases, a criminal investigation squad captain who struck terror into the hearts of criminals. But at home, he was practically a disabled person incapable of basic self-care. Without an intervention, Yu Xian seriously suspected that his cousin would die a heroic death from food poisoning or a fungal infection long before he ever got injured in the line of duty.

Just then, his phone vibrated in his pocket—BZZT, BZZT. Yu Xian pulled it out and saw it was a group chat notification from “Crazy Thursday (4).”

Uncertainty Robot complained in the chat: “Save me… I think my sister is really going to marry her job.”

Yu Xian knew that Wen Xiao was naturally talking about Wen Yu.

Shi Zuozhou sent a tea-sipping meme, eager for the drama, and Wen Xiao began to vent profusely.

“It’s the weekend! Even watching a movie with her pisses me off. Have you guys seen *The Silence of the Lambs*? What kind of normal person finally gets a day off, only to spend a movie analyzing ‘the projection of childhood trauma in antisocial personalities’?” She followed it up with a crying kitten sticker.

Yu Xian stared at the screen, unable to stop the corners of his lips from turning up.

AAA Divine Calculation Immortal (Gone Dark) chimed in: “That’s what you call being obsessed! Xiaoxiao, I told you earlier, Sister Yuyu simply has too much yin energy and needs some yang energy to balance it out! Hehe.”

“Hehe my foot, speak plainly.” Wen Xiao clearly wasn’t in the mood to bicker with Shao Yiyi. “In plain English, she needs a man! A man full of masculinity who can keep her in check! Sister Yuyu is just too rational; I feel like she needs to be softened up by a romantic relationship.”

Wen Xiao sent a meme of a face struggling to hold back tears. “Who could possibly keep her in check! Last time, my mom pressured her into going on a blind date over and over again, and even sent me to supervise. The guy was an overseas returnee working in finance—an absolute elite, right! And the result?”

Finding texting too slow, Wen Xiao switched directly to voice messages.

“The guy booked a high-end French restaurant. As soon as he sat down, he tried to introduce himself with stuff like ‘cross-border SPAC projects,’ ‘secondary market alpha strategies,’ and ‘MD at a top-tier brokerage firm’—basically, things that sounded super impressive. But guess what? They barely exchanged a few words before my sister started in on him.”

“Quick, tell us! What did Sister Yuyu do?” Shao Yiyi and Shi Zuozhou asked, eagerly munching on the metaphorical popcorn.

“My sister pushed up her glasses, stared into his eyes for three seconds, and said coolly—” In the voice message, Wen Xiao flawlessly imitated Wen Yu’s calm tone.

“From the moment you sat down until now, you’ve said ‘Actually, I’m quite busy’ three times, said ‘I usually spend my time abroad’ twice, and used four English acronyms. Furthermore, every time you used one, you secretly checked my reaction. This indicates that you are actually very concerned about whether I find you ‘qualified.’ However, people who are truly confident and certain of their own worth usually aren’t in such a rush to prove it.”

Listening to Wen Xiao’s imitation, Yu Xian’s mouth twitched uncontrollably.

“The guy’s face turned pale on the spot, and he ran off before even finishing his meal,” Wen Xiao continued in another voice message. “Doing a psychological profile during a date—she’s truly one of a kind! Who would dare marry her? She analyzes people’s behavioral motives every single day. There wouldn’t be any common topics of conversation, okay?”

Yu Xian could easily picture Wen Xiao puffing her cheeks in frustration on the other side of the screen.

“Wow! Sister Yuyu is so cool! I’m already her fangirl. Can you ask her if she’s willing to be a little flexible with her gender preference?” Shao Yiyi typed, adding an emoji with literal stars in its eyes.

Yu Xian recalled the gentle, intellectual, resolute, and principled woman he had met at the PIC. He hadn’t expected her to have such a sharp side. She truly lived up to her title as the psychological consultant hired by the special task force.

He wondered, however… what about those common topics?