Chapter 190: Hope: the odd one

Elias’s POV

Dream/Memory

I’m thirteen. I hate it when I’m thirteen in my dreams. Nothing good ever happens when I’m thirteen.

I am forced to relive the horror and stand by helplessly. It’s hell. Death’s own hell.

Three clangs against the iron bars that gives the room a cage-like appearance makes me look up. Julian and his nurse are there. She’s holding a notepad and looking at me like one would study organisms under a microscope.

She mutters something under her breath and scribbles in her notepad. Always excited to see me. Always eager to find a crack in me.

"Hello, Elias" Julian says as he bends his knees and squats to just the right level to match my height.

I’m sitting on the floor with my back against the wall. My legs are pushed together for a form of protection. Nothing can protect me from Julian and his harassment. That is a bitter truth I have forced myself to accept, but I’m not fighting or yelling. Silence is the best answer for a fool.

"Did you eat today?" he asks and passes a tray of food under the bars.

My stomach grumbles and I eye the food tray. Chicken nuggets, fries, and milkshake. I will eat it. One needs to be well-fed in order to face an enemy. Julian will not try to mess with my meal either, he knows he needs to keep me well-fed so I can speak to him.

"Go on, eat" he says and I get up. My body is shaking from how hungry I am, but I don’t show it. I pick up the tray and return to sitting on the floor.

"Do you have anything you want to tell Uncle Julian?" he asks and I start to eat. I ignore him and the woman as I take small bites of the meal. Julian waits. He folds his arm and watches me with the woman.

"He’s very interesting to observe. He’s like a miniature adult. I haven’t seen him display any childish weakness" the nurse says and I act like I’m not listening.

The sick happiness in her voice makes me want to bash her head against the wall. I fucking hate how I have the mind of my current age, but I’m stuck to the body and memory of my thirteen-year-old self. I can kill her easily, hell, I could murder Julian even more easily.

"Hmm are villains really born or made? That question has been a debate for years, but this one is a clearly born one" she points at me with her pen.

"Villain? A thirteen-year-old boy is a villain all because he’s...different?" I ask loudly. There are now two versions of myself. I’m sitting right next to my younger self who is eating without looking up.

I can hear his thoughts, see the small trembling of his hand, and hear the slight tremor in his breathing pattern. He’s not as steely as I have become. He is a child who wants to be left alone.

He’s odd, but he’s still just a kid with a strong love for his mother. His mother, a man who understands his struggle, and constantly helps him take little steps out of his shell.

’I’m not a villain. I want to go home. I’m not a villain. I want my mom’ young me says in his head.

"Of course he’s a villain. Look at him" Julian says.

"He’s a fucking child" I growl and get up to my feet. They can’t see me. It’s still a memory in form of a dream. It’s a punishment and I get to relive this in two different ways; I get to be a spectator and a victim.

"It’s hard to break an already broken person, right?" the woman says and the young version of me whimpers. The sound is noticed by me, but not them. I look at my teenage self and pause.

How are they not seeing the effect they were already having on me?

My hands were shaking at the slightest noise. My eyes were never looking at one thing, and I was never relaxed.

"Let’s end this, Elias. Tell us mommy and daddy’s secret and you can go home" he says and I continue to eat.

"Good, Elias. You are doing good" I say to my younger self, and he slips his hand into his pocket. He is feeling for the withered cherry blossoms.

"You see? Your parents are bad people, that’s why all this is happening to you. If you were someone else’s pup, you would be home with your parents" Julian says.

"Liar! You fucking liar. No one’s child is safe as long as you’re alive" I yell and run towards him. I punch his face through the gaps of the bars, but he doesn’t flinch. I’m there and I’m not.

"LIAR" I roar once more.

"Do you want this kind of life for your future pups?" he asks and the teenage me looks up.

"There will not be any future pups for you to touch" the younger me says and I shut my eyes. This was the moment I gave up on the idea of having a family. The moment I chose to live for the Deus clan.

"It’s advisable for people like him to remain without offspring. Siren has already passed his cold blood to this one and the lastborn, just imagine this one having a child in the future. That child would be pitifully inhumane" the nurse laughs and I stop moving.

Thirteen-year-old me heard those words but didn’t fully understand them. I’m hearing them now, and they’re sinking in.

"My pup...what if I ruin my pup’s life by having them? What if..." my voice trails off when I feel two arms wrapping around me and a face being pressed into my nape.

The person hums softly. The scent of strawberry fills my senses and I shudder. I feel like crying again.

"Our pup is fine, Elias. You and I will take care of our little one" my mate’s voice says and I stare at thirteen-year-old me.

He’s holding on to the cherry blossom. Julian and the nurse are gone, and he looks determined.

"I have hope" he says quietly.