Chapter 77 Amicable.

Chapter 77: 77 Amicable.

I ran three frozen pizzas through the oven while the girls worked on the problem of coexistence with one another.

Mainly Elsa and Clementine were the ones who did not, and seemingly would not, get along.

Elsa had planted herself on one end of the couch and was performing pointed indifference at Clementine, elevating her chin haughtily while crossing her arms and legs and just generally directing her entire body hostilely in the horse girl’s direction. All the while, she looked at her with a bored, superior look on her face.

Ayra had positioned herself on the floor between them, straining not to sniff the new person again, which we all appreciated. Juniper watched from the armchair with a book open in her lap, but she too was fixed on Clementine.

As for Clementine, she sat at the opposite end of the couch from Elsa, arms crossed, tail curled close, horse ears tracking every sound in the room like radar dishes. I stood in the kitchen doorway and thought about how not normal this scene was.

Even if you ignored the fact that exactly none of them were human, it was still bizarre to have so many absurdly hot chicks in a Minnesota living room. Nothing about this was normal.

"So," Clementine said, turning her head toward Juniper. "You’re an absolute fucking monster."

"Demonkin," Juniper corrected pleasantly.

"I was talking to your tits, but thanks for the terminology." She sighed. "And you’re some kind of dog girl in the same sense I’m a horse girl. Were you human before too?"

"Goodness, no! I’m a Canid," Ayra supplied, beaming. "Ayra Moonfang, healer and combat specialist. Arf!"

Clementine’s gaze slid with disgust toward Elsa, who lifted her chin even higher and said nothing, waiting.

"And the..." She appeared to search for something neutral. "...pointy-eared one."

"You know what a fucking elf is," I chuckled.

Elsa gasped, placing a hand on her collarbone in a show of forced offense. "For your slutty information, I am Princess Elsa Silverleaf of the Elfhaven Kingdom," Elsa said, each word dictated as precisely as a paper cut. "I am also First Maiden of the Hero’s Party, making me Grey’s favored one, and giving me the most supreme rights to his love. You may address me as Princess."

Clementine looked at me without changing her resting bitch face one bit. "So you’re living with these supernatural supermodels now."

"Basically, yeah."

She frowned a bit more. "And they all wanna fuck you."

I sighed, like it was some great burden. "It’s my cross to bear, Tambourine."

"Clementine, fuckface." She nodded slowly—not in agreement, more like someone taking in the full scope of a problem before deciding whether to deal with it. "Okay," she said. "I’m going to need to inhale some fucking pizza before I can even try to process this."

Fair enough. I couldn’t think of a more reasonable response to the situation, honestly.

The pizza helped, at least slightly.

I plated it up and handed it around, and for a few minutes everyone was occupied with eating and the conversation died. Elsa, as big a fan of frozen pizza as she was, was able to put aside her hate for all things Clementine long enough to enjoy her slices. Ayra inhaled hers in fifteen seconds and then just sort of sat there eyeballing everyone else’s portions with naked longing.

"No begging, Ayra," I scolded her when I saw her staring and pouting at me.

She gasped. "Gods, I’m sorry, master! Oh, but the wallops my bottom must undoubtedly receive to pay the price incurred by my hungry eyes! I loathe your cruel hand, but I shall endure it! Pah-tooey!"

Clementine grimaced. "I don’t even have a snide remark for whatever the fuck that was."

"Thank you," I said, nodding at her sincerely.

Elsa picked off a pepperoni, inspected it then started licking it while making direct eye contact with me.

The other girls ate mostly in peace. Clementine wolfed down the pizza, too, but not so much in a way that suggested she loved it, more that she was probably pretty hungry. If I had to guess, she’d been so fixated on me since all this started happening to her that she hadn’t yet taken much time to eat a proper meal.

She’d been running a slow survey of the room since we sat down, sizing everyone up, working things out in silence. When she landed on Juniper for the third time, she said, "So I’m going to bet you’re the smart one."

Juniper raised an eyebrow. "I’m the mage, yes. My kind of magic takes some studying to understand, and lorekeeping has always been a part of my function in the party. I’m actually pretty new to Grey, though."

"She just joined us," I said. "Elsa handles the combat calls and is really good at finishing blows. Ayra’s the healer but she’s also pretty tough in melee combat."

Clementine fixed her eyes on me. "And what’s your role? Aside from eventual sperm donor?"

I shrugged. "I kill stuff with a sword. And soon, apparently, with your help."

"He’s the party’s Champion," Ayra corrected reverently, which made Clementine’s expression do something I couldn’t quite read. "He’s the one we were destined to find and join, and he will be crucial to our battle with Black Lazarus and providing the legacy we will carry back to our people someday, so that in another few centuries or more, our descendants will be ready to take on the next threat."

"Rrrright," Clementine said dubiously. "What a hero." She took a long look at me over her pizza. "You just think you can have a perfect dick, stupid good looks, amazing muscles, lots of money, a charming personality, a quick wit, and a sexy, manly smell, and that makes you special? Is that it?"

I furrowed my brows. "Not until this moment, I guess."

Elsa had been maintaining a rigid silence since her introduction, but that put an end to it. She chose this moment to make her presence known once again. "You should know," she said, turning to Clementine, "that whatever the System has decided about your role here, the party hierarchy is established, and you’re not technically a member like the rest of us. You’re straight at the bottom, I’m afraid. I am the First Maiden, and Grey is woefully deep in love with me." She gestured vaguely at Clementine’s tail. "He won’t be charmed by a foul-mannered beast girl."

Ayra cocked her head. "That feels a little mean."

"It was mean, but fair," Elsa said. "She needs to understand her place."

Clementine put her pizza down. "I didn’t ask to be here, and I don’t intend to contribute much, so you can relax."

Elsa huffed, lifting up her chin. "I am perfectly relaxed. Grey gives me the most wonderful massages whensoever I request them."

Clementine snorted. "Good for you, bitch."

The elfmaid gasped. "What did you just—"

"Ladies," I said, cutting them off. Neither of them looked at me. I said it again with enough weight that both turned. "We’re going to have a long enough night without starting it like this. Can we try to get along for now and see how things even turn out as we learn more about the situation?"

Elsa’s jaw clenched. She picked up her pizza, took a bite, and stared at the wall. "Curse this delicious pizza for quelling my mood so easily."

Clementine held my gaze a moment longer, then picked her own slice back up. "Whatever, fuckface."

Ayra exhaled with visible relief. "I’m so glad we’re all getting along! Arf!"

Nobody had the heart to correct her.

---

After dinner I pulled up my System interface while the girls argued about what to watch on TV. Eventually they settled on a game show.

Meanwhile, I focused on Clementine’s entry in the party roster.

[ CLEMENTINE KIM—GREATER STEED (Unbound) ↓↓↓

• Bond Strength: 12%

• Bond Status: HOSTILE ]

The word HOSTILE glowed in deep red, pulsing like a warning light on a dashboard. Yeah, that tracked.

I expanded her stat block.

[ CLEMENTINE KIM—GREATER STEED ↓↓↓

Level: 1

• STR: 14

• DEX: 14

• CON: 14

• INT: 9

• WIS: 8

• CHA: 7

[Bond Scaling]—All physical stats increase as bond strengthens.

SKILLS: Transform (Unlocked) Shared Senses (Locked—Bond Level: Wary) Spirit Charge (Locked—Bond Level: Amicable) Transcendent Gallop (Locked—Bond Level: Devoted)

LOCKED PASSIVE: Steed’s Resilience

Requires Bond Level: Amicable

Effect: Enhanced durability and partial magic resistance while bonded. ]