Chapter 76 Vengeance.

Chapter 76: 76 Vengeance.

I know. Maybe tell me something like that when I’m not a horse though.

I reached out and touched her neck. Her coat was impossibly soft, almost like stroking velvet. She shivered slightly at the contact but didn’t pull away.

Okay, she said after a moment. Change me back. I’ve seen enough for now.

I didn’t argue. I focused on the Transform skill again, willing her to return to her human form. The silvery light washed over her once more and Clementine reappeared, standing on two hooved feet, looking rattled but intact.

"That was..." She shook her head, running her hands over her arms like she was checking to make sure everything was still there. "That was a lot."

"Are you okay?"

"I don’t know. I guess?" She looked at me, and some of the combative edge had softened. Just a fraction. "That felt natural. I think running would feel amazing. I could sense it in my legs, in my whole body. Like I was meant for speed."

"Plenty of time for running later. In fact, we don’t have to rush anything," I told her. "I’m not going to force you to let me ride you. We can take this at whatever pace you’re comfortable with."

Her expression flickered. Then she stepped forward and started smacking my chest with both hands. Rapid-fire impotent girly smacks that didn’t hurt at all with my STR of 18, but they definitely got her point across.

"Just because you’re so fucking hot doesn’t mean you get to act so cool all the time, you fuck!" she sputtered, each word punctuated by another smack. "I hate you! I can tell you’re thinking I’m such a burden, like this isn’t a burden on me, too!"

"I feel like you’re giving me mixed signals," I protested, catching her wrists. "And don’t put words in my mouth. I understand how weird this is, believe me."

"I’ll put something in your mouth, you asshole."

And then she kissed me.

It caught me completely off guard. One second she was hitting me, the next her lips were on mine, fierce and demanding. Her hands grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled me closer.

It was hungry and confused, and it lasted about five seconds before she shoved me away hard enough that a normal guy might have stumbled.

She stood there, breathing hard, looking almost as surprised as I felt. "I don’t know what came over me," she said, definitely not apologizing. "You just looked too hot for a second there. What a dickhead." Her lips twitched. "Don’t read into it."

Before I could formulate a response, a battle cry split the night air.

"FOR ELFHAVEN!"

I spun around to see Elsa charging across the field in her full platemail bikini armor, sword raised high and golden hair streaming behind her like a banner.

Behind her, Ayra galloped on all fours with her war hammer clenched between her teeth, and Juniper’s serpentine body propelled her across the grass at impressive speed.

"Princess, stop!" Juniper shouted, her Russian-esque accent thickening under the strain.

"She’s kissing him!" Elsa shrieked, her tiny legs pumping with effort that had to be costing her dearly at a CON of 4. "The horse-wench is defiling my champion! This shall not stand! By the Silver-Bark Tree, I will END her!"

Clementine’s eyes went wide. "Is she seriously—"

She was. Elsa closed the distance with murder in her eyes, raising her blade for a strike.

Ayra dropped the hammer from her mouth, launched herself forward in a desperate tackle, and caught the princess around the waist.

They went down in a mess of limbs and golden hair. Juniper arrived a moment later, coiling her lower body around both of them to keep Elsa pinned.

"Release me!" Elsa wailed, struggling beneath her two friends. "I must defend Grey’s honor! She’s corrupting him with her equine wiles!"

"Equine wiles are not a thing!" I shouted.

"Tell that to Uma Musume fans," Clementine muttered, shrugging.

"I don’t know what that is!" I shouted.

Elsa growled a frankly cute growl. "I saw her kiss you! I saw it with my own superior eyes!"

Ayra’s tail was wagging so hard it slapped the grass on both sides. Even while restraining the princess, she’d turned to look at me and Clementine with an expression of pure delighted curiosity. "Arf! Is this our new friend, Master?"

"Get off me, Ayra," Elsa hissed at her.

Clementine stared down at the struggling pile of elf, dog-girl, and snake-woman like she was watching a train wreck. "What the actual fuck is my life right now?"

"You get used to it," I said, though I wasn’t entirely sure that was true.

"Unhand me this instant! Grey! Grey, tell them to let me go! I’ll only stab her a little bit, I swear!"

Juniper’s grip tightened. "You will stab no one, Princess."

"A small stabbing! A tiny, dainty stab! Daintiness is the essence of femininity, and I can stab daintily!"

I ran a hand down my face. I was tired. I had a new horse-girl bonded to me through magical destiny, an elf princess trying to commit murder, a dog-girl whose tail was about to start helicoptering any second now, and a snake-woman demonkin thingy who looked like she was already regretting crossing dimensions. Grey Jr. had mercifully stayed out of this one, which I appreciated, because the last thing this situation needed was my dick weighing in.

"Okay," I announced. "Everybody inside. We’re going to sit down, eat something, and talk about this like adults."

"I demand she leave!" Elsa shrieked, trying to wriggle free of Juniper’s coils. Her tiara had gone crooked in the struggle, and her golden braids were full of grass.

"She’s staying." I kept my voice firm. "I’m responsible for what happened to her, and besides—it’s not like I can just banish my steed."

Her lower lip trembled. The full puppy-dog eyes came out, weaponized and devastating even from the ground. "Then I demand she be kept at least ten paces from you at all times!"

"We’ll figure out the seating arrangement later, princess." I reached down and straightened her tiara for her. She leaned into my hand like a cat, and the fury drained out of her just enough to stop the murder attempts.

Clementine crossed her arms and looked at me. "I’m not eating Pizza Dude. Too many memories."

"Fine. We’ll do a frozen pizza. Juniper, you want me to make you something with eggs? You can’t do the grain in pizza crust, right?"

Juniper blinked at me from where she was still coiled around the other two women. The surprise on her face was clear.

She’d been here less than two days and I was already tracking her dietary restrictions, which she apparently hadn’t expected. "That would be... very thoughtful, Champion. Thank you."

"I WILL HAVE VENGEANCE UPON THE DEFILER!" Elsa screamed from beneath the pile.

Ayra’s tail wagged harder. "Can I have belly rubs after dinner, Master? I’ve been so good! I haven’t barked at anyone all night! Well, once. But Juniper sprayed me, so I’ve been punished already, and I accept my suffering, and will not accept another horribly abusive spanking from you. Pah-tooey! Unless you wish to, of course."

"A spanking?" Clementine muttered in shock. "Grey—you spank them?! Abusively?!"

I frowned and sighed deeply. "Give me a second before I explain. I just feel so overwhelmed right now," I said.