Chapter 73 Different.

Chapter 73: 73 Different.

So there I was, staring at my former hookup’s brand new horse ears, as one does, and I genuinely had no idea what to say.

This was new territory even by my increasingly bizarre standards. Portals spitting out trolls? Suuuure.

Elf princesses demanding foot rubs and piggyback rides? Ain’t no thang. Dog-girls begging to be spanked? I... could be persuaded.

But Clementine Kim, or whatever her name is, standing on my porch as some kind of sexy horse-human hybrid who apparently couldn’t resist the urge to track me down like I was made of sugar cubes? That was a curveball I hadn’t seen coming.

I feel a little bad about the sugar cubes joke, actually. Feels a little... racially insensitive in retrospect. Anyway, I digress.

"Well?" She crossed her arms, her glossy black tail swishing behind her. "You going to say something, or are you just going to stand there with your mouth open like a fucking goldfish?"

"I’m... processing," I managed in a measured tone.

She snorted in irritation. Kinda like a horse. "Process faster, dickhead. I’ve been going out of my mind for days now. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, because most of all, I can’t stop thinking about finding you."

She gestured violently at her ears. "And then these started growing in, and my sexy little Asian feet turned into fucking hooves, and I’m probably going to have to quit my job because I’m willing to bet Pizza Dude has a strict no-bodaciously-buxom-horse-people policy. Which, like, I guess is fair."

From upstairs, I heard the distinct sound of Ayra’s excited whispering. Great. We had an audience droppin’ eaves all over the place, apparently.

"Look," I said, "why don’t you come in and sit down? I can explain some of this, but it’s going to take a minute."

Her nostrils flared as her eyes narrowed. "Is this some kind of trap? Because I’ve seen enough true crime documentaries to know that going deeper into a strange man’s house is usually how you end up in a freezer somewhere, and you’re getting stranger to me by the second."

"We’ve already done the man-and-wife mambo, Tangerine. If I was going to murder you, I probably would have done it then."

"It’s Clementine, fuckface. And that’s not as reassuring as you think it is."

Even so, she followed me toward the living room, her hooves clicking against the hardwood floor in a noisy way I was probably going to have to get used to.

I paused at the base of the stairs and looked up to find three gorgeous faces peering down at me through the railing.

"Girls, I need you to head upstairs for a bit. Give us some privacy. It seems something has come up."

"It better not be your penis, Sir Grey," Elsa seethed visibly.

Ayra’s ears drooped. "But Master, I want to see—"

I held up a hand and silenced her. "Upstairs. Please."

Juniper was already retreating, her serpentine lower half disappearing around the corner with a soft rustle. Smart woman, and leading by example. Ayra whined like a puppy but followed. Elsa, however, didn’t budge.

She stood there with her arms crossed and her chin lifted, looking every bit the five-foot-nothing brat she was. "I refuse to leave you alone with this... this..." She waved a hand at Clementine, apparently unable to find a word offensive enough. "This creature who dared to spoil your purity before my arrival!"

Clementine’s head whipped toward her. "Excuse me? Who the fuck are you calling a creature, you pointy-eared Barbie knockoff?"

"I am Princess Elsa Silverleaf of the Elfhaven Kingdom, and I will not be spoken to in such a manner by some common horse-wench!"

"Horse-wench?" Clementine took a step toward the stairs, her hooves clopping ominously on the hardwood. "Come down here and say that to my face, bitch."

"I would happily, but I’m far too valuable to waste my energy on you! By the Silver-Bark Tree, the nerve of this woman!" Elsa stamped one tiny foot, and the gemstone in her tiara caught the hallway light. "Daintiness is the essence of femininity, and I refuse to lower myself to brawling like some scorned tavern harlot!"

Before this could escalate into an actual catfight, Ayra and Juniper each grabbed one of Elsa’s arms and started dragging her away from the railing. The princess’s protests echoed down the hallway as she was forcibly relocated.

"Unhand me! I must protect my champion from this lewdly proportioned woman! Grey! GREY! If she attempts to seduce you—Grey!"

A door slammed. The muffled sounds of argument continued for another few seconds before fading into something similar to silence.

I could still hear Ayra barking once, followed by the hiss of a spray bottle that had to be Juniper’s doing.

Clementine stared at the now-empty staircase. "What the actual fuck was that?"

"That was Elsa," I sighed. "She’s... a lot. But she’s cool once you get to know her."

"If you think I’m taking your word on that, you’re dumb as hell." She turned back to me, and for the first time since she’d arrived, some of the manic energy drained out of her. She just looked tired. "Okay, fuckface. I think you’d better explain what’s going on here, because I’m getting the distinct impression that my situation is, like, somehow connected to whatever harem anime bullshit you’ve got going on."

I couldn’t really argue with that assessment. "Beer?"

"God, yes."

I grabbed two bottles from the fridge and led her to the living room.

Upstairs, the three-million-dollar Russian mattress loomed in my bedroom, still waiting to be properly christened, but that was a consideration for future Grey.

Right now I had to figure out how to explain interdimensional invasions and magical destiny bonds to my once scorned lover.

Clementine settled onto one end of the sofa, tucking her legs beneath her in a way that looked instinctive rather than learned. Her hooves folded under pretty naturally.

I took the opposite end and maintained a respectful distance. She accepted the beer, chugged about two thirds of it, and fixed me with those dark eyes that now had an almost equine quality to them. Not in a creepy way. Just... different.

"So," she said flatly. "Talk."

I took a breath. "Okay. Where do you want me to start?"