My Pick Up Artist System

Ben was sweating as he looked at the huge bouncer, the guardian of the fart bomb treasure area...where Ben needed to enter in a hurry. The consumable fell there and he needed it to pass his current challenge! 

If it went off, it would be wasted! And there was precious little time left!

[Remaining time until activation of Fart Bomb Pheromones: 00:01:50]

Before he threw the consumable, the system gave Ben the option to select the timer on the ass-powered explosive... 

He chose two minutes so he could go back and tell his friends to watch the faces of the people who got crop sprayed…

That was the only thing that saved him now! It showed the value of pettiness!

Even so, there was still a massive dilemma in front. He knew where the fart bomb was but couldn't get to it! He asked the system to pause the timer but she ignored him! The only choice was to find a way in!

Yet, there was no chance this bouncer would allow him back there. Ben couldn't say he dropped something from VIP because he didn't have a VIP bracelet. He had no business being in the staff area. Despite that, he had to get in!

'What should I do?' Ben first considered punching the bouncer's d*ck off…

...

He soon rejected that option though, because it would be useless to retrieve the bomb if security threw him out of the club after.

'I need another way in. Think! Think! Thick! Tits!' 

...

Ben shook his head. A busty black-haired waitress walked out the back and caught his attention for a moment. 'Don't get distracted! I need to fo— Wait…' He glanced back at the waitress who was coming out of the staff area, passing that bouncer now and heading out to the dancefloor. 'That's it!'

He found a chance! 'Going through the bouncer is too risky. There's a reason Mario's arch-enemy is Bowser...'

Ben preferred avoiding the tough bosses. 'If it's this waitress though, I may have a way in!'

This whole night, he'd been saving an ace in his undies...

It was something for when it got late, if things became dire, but now--he could call the situation Ghost or Nymeria, because it couldn't be more dire!

As for that trump card--it was his sometimes trusty Divine Line Generator!

With no time to waste, Ben approached the waitress, and activated it!

[Divine Line Generator Activated]

[Uses remaining: 0]

[A: "Did you see the fight outside? It was between a midget and your mother."]

[B: "Just wanted you to know I appreciate you… Waitresses like you are the real heroes—the firefighters of nightclubs that help us put out the fires of sobriety."]

[C: "Your eyes are as blue as the sea I dumped my ex's body in."]

…

Ben had little time to debate the options so went with his gut. He was nervous though, his heart rate speeding up because he was almost certain that if he messed up, his mission would fail! 

What's worse is that he wasn't optimistic. Until now, when he chose divine lines, he'd been wrong more often than right!

'No, I need to have faith. The line is divine... The line is divine...' 

Repeating this mantra, he stopped in front of the waitress, and delivered his chosen divine line, the one he hoped would change his dingus' destiny…

Ben's heart was pumping like an oil well. Despite that, just like Beluga told him, Ben did his best to ignore the anxiety. After all, he'd opened hundreds of women already, and although he failed the vast majority of those, those failures led him to this moment. They gave him enough experience to know how to mask his nervousness and reveal a confident smile, even in this high-pressure situation.

"Hey, just wanted you to know I appreciate you… You waitresses are the real heroes—the firefighters of nightclubs that help put out the fires of sobriety."

As the busty beauty paused and stared at Ben, he held his breath. 'Please don't be a dwarf-lover or an M that wants to get murdered...' He prayed he chose right.

Yet, with her response not coming right away, he was already regretting his choice. 'Damnit, I knew it! She wanted the midget-battle!'

...

Then... 

*Pfft* The waitress giggled.

[Target's current attraction level: curious(+2)]

"Why, thank you!" She replied with a smile. 

Having passed the first test, Ben released a small sigh of relief. In reality, he went against a rule choosing that line, the guideline that you shouldn't open women with a compliment if you're not sure of passing the value test. From a technical perspective, that line could've been considered a direct opener. However, in this specific compliment, there were some vital subtleties that made it work. 

For one, it didn't target her beauty. Girls wanted people to appreciate them for their personality or other traits, and were more open to creative compliments in those areas.

Second, it made her laugh. Being funny overruled most other issues. Even comments about her looks could've passed if they were humorous enough.

Third, the nightclub staff worked hard and were exhausted. So many of them welcomed some appreciation from a non-snobby patron.

Fourth, it wasn't a glamorous job. In fact, it was on the seedier side of society rather than something her parents would be proud of. So pointing out her job was a subtle neg, and even the joke reinforced that by framing her like a vending machine liquor-legend...

All in all, with those factors combined, his line was enough to intrigue the waitress!

Ben glanced at the countdown.

[Remaining time until activation of Fart Bomb Pheromones: 00:01:25]

All this took some time to describe but actually happened in 25 seconds…

Ben was off to a good start, but he knew attraction level curious wasn't enough. He'd already made a plan for how she could help him enter that staff area, but he first needed to raise her attraction high enough that he could pass her value test, and for that, he could only take risks!

------

*Author's note: If you want to know what happens to Ben, the chapters are in the higher privilege tiers now!

Also, I'd like to recommend a fellow author's book here on NovelFull that I've been enjoying. Maybe some of you have heard of it: The Sinful Life of The Emperor. It's also an R-18 comedy and one of the only books here that's made me laugh. So if you're looking for something new to read while waiting for MPUAS updates, take a look!