My Pick Up Artist System

Ben stared into the eyes of the bouncer and started a nightclub mental showdown. 'I bench more than you bro…'

Unfazed, the bouncer ate the eye contact like it was a 5-piece nuggets…

He even returned his own mental barrage. 'I'm bigger than you mein…'

Yet, Ben's ego wouldn't go down without a fight, so he glanced at the big man's gunt... 'My body fat's much lower than you, bruh…'

At this, the bouncer puffed his chest out. 'I get paid…to be big…'

...

That was the end of it… Money talks, bullsh*t walks…and Ben didn't have any goddamn money… What he did have though, was a plan, in which this inner showdown with the bouncer was not a vital step, at all! 

The bouncer had his own plan, however. As he glared at Ben, he reinforced those tactics in his mind, by refining them into one basic rule—to do his job with minimum brain cell expenditure… "Keep it movin' man, private party."

Except Ben had already prepared for this. "It's cool bro, I'm not here for that. I just wanted to ask you something."

The big man narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "What is it?" He'd seen too many stupid drunks in clubs talk nonsense to try to get into VIP.

Ben was different from that riffraff though, because he wasn't drunk….

That led to him doing something the bouncer didn't expect. Ben's eyes lit up, like he was meeting his lifelong hero…

Giving the big guy an intense gaze, Ben opened his mouth with a hopeful and reverent tone. "How do I become as great as you man?"

…

The bouncer blinked. "What?"

Ben's innocent expression displayed his sincerity. "You seem like you have the greatest job. Surrounded by beauties, commanding respect in the entire venue of hundreds of squared feet, and even more cubed…

What I'm asking is, how can I become a bouncer? You guys hiring? How many years do I have to train? Do I need a degree?"

The large man studied Ben, trying to figure out if he was serious. After all, Ben was one of the shortest guys here!

Despite his small size though, Ben was adamant. because he'd seen Rudy… "How are the perks? You guys in a union? You got a dental plan? Or free dental dams?"

...

The bouncer went wide-eyed. No one ever asked him that before. 'Dental plan? What's that?'

...

His health knowledge was limited to brushing them in the morning and Flintstones chewables…

A few seconds later though, he shook his head and cleared the RAM…returning to his basic programming. "Look, it's not gonna happen little man."

Being rejected like that from his hero...Ben's face fell like he found out his dog died…

Shaking his head in disappointment, he could only accept the cruel reality. "I guess it's not in my cards to become a nightlife legend..."

Then, after checking the time on his phone, Ben glanced at the bouncer. "Well, thanks for listening. I better get out of here. It's getting late." Next, as if so tired he was about to fall asleep, Ben released a huge yawn, stretching his arms into the air.

At the same time, something flew out of his hand...arching into the elevated VIP area. This, was Ben's target from the very beginning. He wasn't interested in the mental showdown with the bouncer, or working at Latrine. The bouncer was not actually his hero...

What was Ben's true target? It was behind that rope--the goal...every hole...

As for the item he threw, it was of course, a drop from the system, a little something special he'd been saving for the right occasion like a 70 year old bottle of wine.

[Fart Bomb Pheromones(Consumable, Fine) x1 - A bomb that delivers an olfactory attack. Launch to make a fixed 30x30 foot area carry a horrific scent to any woman that enters. Lasts 6 hours]

Ben believed once he delivered this gift into the VIP, it would fix the current situation, driving all the girls out of there for the rest of the night. Then, he'd have a much higher chance of seducing one of them. He also held no qualms launching it in plain sight over a crowd because it was a consumable, meaning no one could see it.

However, they could see him. So he didn't dare make a pitching motion in the middle of the club for fear of staff throwing him out. He also needed to be nearby to guarantee he didn't miss. That's why he came as close as possible, right next to the bouncer. After all, the stakes weren't small. Ben considered himself a responsible person, and he was now caring for three months of sperm... 

If he missed, it would cost millions of lives...

Millions of little undeveloped Bens and Benitas…

With their own hopes, dreams, and afros...

So much wasted talent and uneaten Doritos…

Heart-wrenching… truly heart-wrenching...

That's why, as he watched the far bomb fly, Ben swallowed with anxiety. 'This better work, or it's going to be the season of d*cklessness…'

The stakes couldn't be bigger, unless you worked for Brazzers...

However, one other thing that couldn't be bigger, was the defensive range of the girl dancing like a tweaker, waving her arms all over the place in the apparent landing zone of the fart bomb.

In fact, her arms were so active that it would surprise few people if she slapped away an incoming missile...let alone a fart bomb, which is what happened next.

His face froze in horror as his attack was deflected by this Byuakugan b*tch…

That's when Ben realized the issue. Although normal people couldn't sense consumables, these items still collided with the environment. That's why he was able to keep them in his pockets and also the reason for this unfortunate accident.

The worst part of the current situation though, was where the fart bomb flew: towards the edge of the VIP section, over the railing, and to the distant opposite side of his location. The item dropped, far away from where he needed it to be. In other words, it was a disaster!

Realizing this, his face turned paler than the girl's tweaker relatives in the Hyuga clan!

'Oh no…' He understood this could be bad, very bad... Losing the consumable, could become a d*ck-altering event!

Ben hurried to the area where the fart bomb dropped, but when he saw it, he gasped. 'It can't be…'

It was the worst place: a staff-only area, guarded by a hulking bouncer... 

This guy wasn't the husky-fat version either. He was a hard worker, not only lifting, but also dieting and maintaining a strict steroid regimen…

That is to say, this bouncer was a big deal, he was an elite mob...

The evolved version of the bouncer from earlier…

And just like how the disposition of a Blastoise differed from a Squirtle, this big man's facial expression was anything but hospitable, even if he was sweet as a child. It demonstrated the loss of innocence when growing up...

That's also why if there was one good outcome from failing the current challenge, it was that Ben's weiner would never have to suffer that fate...

For the next three months, it would never grow up, becoming the Peter Pan of penises.

...

Observing the giant guarding the area, Ben knew he didn't have many options, because he'd already accepted the system's challenge. That meant that if he failed, there wouldn't be serious cumsequences…

And that...would be the issue…

'I need to get that fart bomb.' Ben now had to find a way into the restricted area, because he needed this consumable to solve the challenge. That wasn't the only critical problem though. He also lacked time! Because the fart bomb...was already activated!

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*Author's note: This was in an author's thoughts section last week but I know some people didn't see it so I'm reposting. Because MPUAS reached 3rd in December's win-win event with 2000 privileged readers, as I said at the beginning of the month, I'll be adding 10 bonus chapters for January! They'll fill in during weeks when the votes don't reach 7, and there are 6/10 left after using 4 the previous two weeks. So, as long as you keep voting, there's a good chance you'll get double releases for most or all of the month!