My Pick Up Artist System

Standing in his room, releasing heavy breaths from anxiety, Ben forced himself to calm down. "Relax, it might've all been a troll from the system. There's a good chance my bloodline didn't become half-orange, or whatever it would be called—tangerine maybe…"

…

He didn't know the outcome so tried to stay positive. However, deep down, he still dreaded becoming the fruity version of Jeff Goldblum in The Fly…

Soon though, Ben came up with a good test to see if he became the literal golden child of the Trump family…

The method was simple--try out a few quotes from the ancestor…

So after a brief search on the internet...

"Make America great again."

…

"Grab 'em by the pussy. Grab 'em by the pussy."

…

"I don't know who Lil Jon is. I don't—I really don't."

…

"I will be phenomenal to the women. I mean…I want to help women." 

…

"If Hillary Clinton can't satisfy her husband, what makes her think she can satisfy America?"

…

"She got schlonged…she lost, I mean she lost."

…

"She does have a very nice figure... If [Ivanka] weren't my daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her."

…

"My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well documented, are various other parts of my body."

…

"You know, it really doesn't matter what the media writes as long as you've got a young and beautiful piece of ass."

…

"I will build a great wall, and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me…and I'll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words."

…

Ben was amazed he didn't need to put a perverted twist on any of those for them to slap...

They were already perfect...

Yet, it was for that exact reason that he narrowed his eyes. "Not good, a few of those quotes resonated."

…

He started to panic fearing he became a raisin and nut Trump-mix...

With fevered urgency, Ben scanned through the system screens to see if he missed anything. There weren't any additional notifications, but when he exited to the main system menu, he discovered something new!

There was now a Bloodline option that wasn't there before! Ben opened it in a rabid rush, and there, he saw what he'd been wishing for!

[Base Bloodline: Human]

[Pending Bloodline Enhancements: Elite Human(+1)]

Seeing this, Ben dropped to his knees and kowtowed…

"Thank you…Hillary, Obama, Arianna Huffington, Rosie O'Donnell, Kim Jong-Un…

The entire media industry…

All of Hollywood…

The FBI…

Self-tanning cream..."

...

He rattled down the list of Trump's enemies...

Ben thought perhaps they played a spiritual role in preventing his Trumpification…

Yet, he soon came to a point where he needed to stop, because he realized the list was effectively endless…

Ben didn't have any strong political stance or opinions on Trump, but couldn't help but marvel at how abhorred one person could be. "This guy's aggro range is legendary... It seems like more people hate him than Hitler…dead included…"

Having paid his respects to the demon of the left…Ben moved on to open his bloodline information. 

[Human(Bloodline, Fine) - Standard human bloodline. Max potential cap of 10 on stats. Average fertility. High learning potential. No bloodline abilities]

When he saw the fine rating, Ben's head raised a bit, proud of his fine race…but he soon realized that he was gloating over being better than ants, mice, and maybe some sh*tty goblins somewhere…

'I guess in most fantasies, humans are always one of the most dominant races, so when considering that, fine makes sense… However, I always took that as human fan-service, because the authors were pandering to their human readers…'

He suspected that if there was fiction read by elves somewhere, in their stories, humans might get the monkey treatment…

It seemed things weren't quite that bad though. So with an improved mood, Ben continued on to the pending enhancement.

[Elite Human(Bloodline, Epic) - Advanced human bloodline. Max potential cap of 11 on stats. Below average fertility. Very high learning potential. No bloodline abilities]

Ben stared at this. 'Below average fertility... Is it one of those fantasy things where the more powerful of a lifeform you are, the lower your fertility, or are they too l77t to get chicks preggo?'

...

Either way, he didn't need to care, because with his Kegel Contraceptive Switch, he was already the most l77t of them all...

[Elite Human enhancement effect: Max potential cap(Random) +1]

[Would you like to apply the enhancement now?]

'So it's not that I have the full Elite Human bloodline, but taking the bloodline essence gives me a partial enhancement of it by increasing the cap on one stat. So if I take more of the Refined Elite Human Bloodline Essences, will my bloodline make a proper conversion?'

He decided to ask the system and she provided an answer. If he consumed four of the essences, his bloodline would undergo a partial evolution, bringing additional hidden benefits besides the primary stats. If he consumed eight, he'd undergo a full evolution.

Ben closed his eyes. "This isn't even my final form..."

However, he understood the function and explanation but still found one thing weird--the hidden stats. In a typical system, there would be stats like strength, agility, intelligence, etc. While he possessed those characteristics and could even boost them with some items, the system didn't include them in his stats outright, keeping them obscured.

Even now, the enhancement would only apply to his stats which focused on seduction. Like a nymphomaniac ex-girlfriend, it was like the system twisted the world to make everything only about sex…

Yet, Ben couldn't complain. Even though she was a sadistic pervert...he understood that having any system that could help him grow was a lucky blessing, despite having gotten it because of his world-class bad luck…

So, he returned to the screen, and chose to receive the enhancement.

[Elite Human Bloodline enhancement commencing]

[Assigning Stat: Personal Talent Max Potential +1]

…

Ben shook his head. "Well, that's just great…" The stat for which his potential raised to 11, happened to be the one that was the lowest, sitting at a 3…

He sighed... 'Whatever, this is still a good thing. I'll just work on improving personal talent when I finish my next plan.'

He tried to look at the bright side, and with that mindset, he remembered another positive aspect of all this, and soon shook his fists in excitement! "I did it!"

He recalled…that all this meant his story gained the evolution tag…

Yet, he soon furrowed his brows, because something was else was off. "I feel like I'm forgetting something important…"

Only after a while of deep pondering, and deep cleaning of the spilled orange juice on the floor…which almost became his family…did Ben remember what he almost forgot.

At that moment, he wished he didn't remember, because all his hopes and dreams disappeared, like flat asses in the wind...

Glowering, Ben dropped the paper towel roll… "With only this bloodline enhancement, how am I supposed to get an auto-jerk arm?"

…

It wasn't for many minutes that he broke free from his d*ckpression...

Yet, Ben managed to do so because he found a smidgen of hope. "There's still a chance I can spin Willy and get an arm-p*ssy."