My Dearest General: It Has Always Been You

Shi Nian's current feeling was akin to someone who snuck out to have a date with her boyfriend and came home late, only to see her father sitting in the living room waiting for her. She didn't know why she panicked either, Xu Binchen clearly wasn't her father and Jiang Jinyan wasn't her boyfriend either.

She grabbed her phone anxiously, racking her brain to create a reasonable excuse but in the end, she was completely exposed by the man who was carrying her. "She has just had another bout of hyperventilating. Detective Xu, you should get her to the hospital for a checkup."

Shi Nian: "!!!"

Xu Binchen's expression sank. "Hyperventilating? What caused it to happen?"

Shi Nian's lips pursed tight, colorless.

Xu Binchen saw through her in one glance. He turned to Jiang Jinyan as he pocketed his key. "Mr.. Jiang, were there any butterflies on the rooftop?"

"Butterfly?" Jiang Jinyan's brows furrowed. Lights often attracted moths and other kinds of insects. But butterflies… He lowered his eyes to see Shi Nian's dreadful expression and got the answer to his doubt. "...It seems like there were."

"How is she right now? Any discomfort?"

"I guided her to do pursed lip breathing to stabilize her condition. There's just some sequelae left like coldness on limbs, weakness and slight tremble."

Both of them talked seriously. They were evidently talking about her but it was as if she was invisible. Ignored and not even being looked at.

Xu Binchen shot Jiang Jinyan an appreciative glance. "You're quite good, Mr. Jiang."

"No." He replied humbly. "I have seen Detective Xu perform first aid in the hospital and my skill is nowhere as good as yours."

She cleared her throat softly to attract their attention and it succeeded. They instantly turned to her, asking in unison. "What's wrong? Do you feel uncomfortable?"

Shi Nian: "…" Even if she didn't, now that she was asked like this, she started to feel uncomfortable!

"Let's go to the hospital right now." Xu Binchen decided. "Mr. Jiang, I will have to trouble you to carry her for a while."

Jiang Jinyan nodded and walked behind him in large strides.

Shi Nian, who wanted to say that she was better and could walk by herself, decided to be a salted fish and play dead until they arrived in the hospital. It was the main branch of City A's Public Hospital and because Shi Nian was an important patient before—aided by Xu Binchen's police badge—she was prioritized and given a full body checkup as soon as she arrived.

The result came out by ten in the morning. Everything was normal, but she was a little anemic due to not having eaten breakfast. When Shi Nian came out from the examination room, Xu Binchen was leaning on the wall as he played with his lighter. She looked around but didn't see Jiang Jinyan anywhere.

"Don't look anymore." He pinpointed out her thoughts. "Why should he wait until you're finished with your check up?"

Shi Nian knew that Xu Binchen was right, but she was still disappointed upon not seeing him.

Xu Binchen couldn't bear to see her growing mushrooms in the corner any longer and said in irritation. "I told him to go home, alright? He waited here until half an hour ago but I told him to scram. Are you satisfied now?"

Shi Nian's eyes gradually brightened up. 

Xu Binchen scoffed in disdain. "I haven't even started to ask what you two were doing on the rooftop at 5 am in the morning."

Shi Nian pretended to be deaf and said innocently. [Gege, I am hungry.]

"I know." He glared. "What do you think is the gurgle that has been going on since minutes ago? The whole floor can hear your stomach growling!"

Was it the kind of sentence he could say to an adolescent girl?! She didn't want to lose out to him and glowered, arms wrapping around the growling tummy. She was clearly exhausted enough but he suddenly got angry out of nowhere and vented it on her! How mean, brute and insensitive!

"Let's go." Xu Binchen huffed and didn't want to look at her anymore. "We should eat at the cafeteria first and go to Psychiatrist Cheng afterward. Psychiatrist Yu have already told you about her, right?"

Shi Nian's expression smoothened and she nodded. Psychiatrist Yu recommended her to another psychiatrist with better skills, Cheng Fenwan. Psychiatrist Cheng should have long performed therapy that could evoke the memory hidden deep in her subconsciousness but Qiang Fei hadn't given her word of consent yet thus the therapy was paused with no confirmation on sight.

But now…

Xu Binchen and Shi Nian sat in the cafeteria and ordered two simple sets of chicken porridge. For a while, no one talked and both of them were focused only on eating. Shi Nian's stomach had been empty since morning, thus she ate with gusto, even rivalling Xu Binchen's speed.

After she put down the spoon, Xu Binchen had just wiped his mouth with a napkin. She knocked on the table in front of him with two fingers. He lifted his eyes, eyebrows lifting in question as he drank his coffee.

[I will tell my mother that I want to do the therapy.]

Xu Binchen put down his cup and his expression turned serious. "Are you sure? You should know the risk of the therapy. You will either get better or end up worse. The best possibility is you will recall your lost memory, but the failure will cause you to feel deeper anxiety and severe depression. The study only guaranteed 60-90% of patients who recovered with mild or no symptoms after the therapy. That's also the reason why your mother hesitates."

Shi Nian nodded. [She didn't want me to force myself to remember.]

"So what makes you change your mind?"

[If I said that…I recalled a few fragments about the serial killer, will it be enough?]

Shi Nian put down her phone and looked straight at him.  She braced herself, took a deep breath and spoke, "Gege, I can talk now."

Xu Binchen froze and his eyes widened in shock.

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A/N: Shi Nian, atta girl! (´ε｀ )♡ She's ready to face her past!