Chapter 71: What I Choose

Astrid

The couch cushions gave under my weight as Reed’s mouth found mine again, slower this time, deeper. His hand cupped the side of my face, thumb brushing the hinge of my jaw while Xander’s lips trailed along the opposite side of my neck. Their breath was warm against my skin, and the words came low, almost private, the kind of things people said when they already knew the answer but still needed to hear it.

"I’ve thought about this," Xander murmured against the soft place just under my ear. "About being inside you. Feeling how tight you’ll be when you finally let us in."

Reed’s answer was quieter, spoken against my mouth between kisses. "We’ll go slow. We’ll take care of you. But once you’re ready I’m not stopping until you’re shaking."

I answered them with my hands. One slid into Reed’s hair, the other found Xander’s shoulder and pulled him closer. The choice was already made. I could feel it in the way my body leaned toward both of them at once, in the way my pulse jumped every time their mouths returned to my skin.

Xander’s hand moved first, sliding up under the hem of my shirt to cup my breast through the bra. He squeezed gently, testing, then harder when I arched into the pressure. Reed’s palm joined him a second later, mirroring the motion on the other side. Their hands were different. Reed’s grip was steady, controlled, the pressure exact. Xander’s was hungrier, fingers spreading wider, kneading in slow circles that made heat bloom under my skin.

They worked together without speaking. Reed lifted the bottom of my shirt. Xander helped pull it over my head. The bra followed a moment later, unhooked with quick fingers, straps sliding down my arms. Cool air hit my bare chest and then their mouths were there, replacing the fabric.

Reed’s lips closed around one nipple, sucking gently at first, then harder. His teeth scraped, not enough to hurt badly, just enough to send a sharp spark of pain that melted straight into pleasure. I moaned, the sound breaking against Xander’s mouth as he took the other breast the same way. His tongue flicked, then his teeth closed carefully, tugging. The dual sensation pulled a louder sound from me, half pain, half something richer. My back arched. My hands tightened in their hair.

I was not losing control. That thought cut through the haze with surprising clarity. I was choosing this. Every time one of them paused and looked up, waiting, I pulled them back down. I wanted their mouths. I wanted the edge of their teeth. I wanted the way my body answered them without fear.

Xander’s free hand drifted lower, palm skating over my stomach, then under the waistband of my skirt. His fingers slipped past the elastic of my underwear and found me already wet. He made a low sound against my breast when he felt it. Two fingers parted me and rubbed slow circles over my clit, the pressure light at first, then firmer when my hips lifted into his touch. Reed’s hand joined from the other side, sliding under the fabric too, holding me open while Xander worked. The dual contact made my thighs tremble. I gasped their names, the words tumbling out between shaky breaths.

"You’re sure," Reed said, voice rough. It was not quite a question.

I nodded, then forced the words out. "Yes. I want this. I want both of you."

Something in his expression eased. He kissed me again, deeper, while Xander’s fingers kept moving in those steady, devastating circles. The dual attention was almost too much. Pleasure coiled tight and low in my belly. I could feel myself getting wetter under their hands, the evidence of how much I wanted them impossible to hide.

When the sensations threatened to tip me over too soon, Reed eased back. He stood and scooped me up as if I weighed nothing. Xander rose with us, one hand still resting on my bare waist. They carried me down the short hall to the bedroom. The door closed behind us with a soft click. Reed laid me on the bed and both of them followed, kneeling on either side of me.

They took their time undressing me the rest of the way. Reed unbuttoned the side of my skirt and slid it down my legs. Xander hooked his fingers into my underwear and drew them off slowly, eyes never leaving my face. Once I was bare they both paused, looking at me as if memorizing every inch. Their own clothes came off in pieces between kisses and touches. Reed’s shirt first, then Xander’s. Belts, jeans, everything discarded without hurry. I reached for them in return, palms sliding over warm skin, feeling the hard lines of muscle and the unmistakable evidence of how much they wanted me.

They played with my body the way people play with something precious and long-denied. Reed’s mouth returned to my breasts, licking and biting in careful turns that made me writhe. Xander’s hands traced the insides of my thighs, spreading them wider, thumbs brushing close to where I ached but never quite touching again yet. I was the one who guided one of his hands higher, pressing his fingers against me so he would understand I was still choosing this, still open, still certain.

The emotional weight of it settled over me in waves. For so long I had believed the mate bond would strip my freedom away. I had fought it, feared it, imagined that letting them this close would mean surrendering the last pieces of myself. Instead I felt more myself than I had in months. Every touch was something I allowed. Every sound I made was mine to give. The terror I had expected never arrived. Only heat, and closeness, and a strange, steady certainty that this was right.

Xander shifted lower on the bed. Reed stayed near my head, kissing me, murmuring quiet things against my lips about how beautiful I looked like this, how long they had waited, how carefully they would take me when the time came. Xander’s breath ghosted over the sensitive skin of my inner thighs. Then his mouth was there.

The first slow lick made my whole body jolt. He held my hips steady with both hands and licked again, firmer, tongue flat and deliberate against my clit. I cried out into Reed’s mouth. The dual attention was overwhelming in the best way. Reed’s hand stroked my hair while Xander worked between my legs with focused, relentless care. He licked in long strokes, then circled, then sucked gently, learning exactly what made my breath hitch and my thighs tighten around his head.

I kept my eyes open as much as I could. I wanted to see them both. Reed watching my face with that intense, vulnerable look he rarely let anyone else witness. Xander lost in the act of tasting me, making low sounds of satisfaction every time I reacted. The pleasure built in slow, heavy waves. I was not racing toward an edge so much as floating on it, held there by the knowledge that I had chosen every second of this.

My hands found Reed’s and squeezed. He squeezed back. Below, Xander’s tongue pressed deeper, then returned to my clit with a steady rhythm that made my hips lift helplessly against his mouth. The sounds I made were open and unguarded. There was no room left for the old fear. Only the present, and the two of them, and the simple, profound fact that I had crossed a line I could never uncross, and that I did not want to.