Chapter 49: Chapter 49: You Chopped My Phone?!

At Luke's strong insistence, the group abandoned their shopping trip and retreated back to the Stark Burger restaurant for a 5-man team matchmaking session in the mobile MOBA game. 

'What a beautiful evening!' Luke thought to himself. 

It had been ages since he actually gamed with anyone other than his Shadow Ninjas. Tony and Coulson were either completely engrossed in their work (willingly or forced) or too busy flirting with their girlfriends to play with him. 

Looking at Jane clumsily trying to figure out the touch-screen controls, and the rest of the absolute beginners figuring out the mechanics, Luke was already picturing himself hard-carrying the game while they worshipped his gaming prowess and begged him to boost their ranks. 

Luke confidently invited the other four into his lobby and queued up. 

"Your ranks are too low to play ranked, so we're just playing casuals. Just don't feed the enemy team, I'll carry you guys!" Luke announced proudly. 

The others looked at Luke's flashy, high-tier ranked badge on his profile and eagerly promised not to feed. 

The game quickly loaded in. Luke immediately rushed his character out of the base. 

'My bloodlust is rising!!!' 

[First Blood!] 

Luke silently peeked up from his phone screen. The other four had strange expressions on their faces but hadn't said anything yet. 

"Ah, minor miscalculation! The enemy grouped up on me! Don't worry, I can bounce back!" Luke quickly defended himself. But the others were already starting to realize that something was terribly wrong. 

A few minutes and several embarrassing deaths later, Luke silently stood up and walked into the restroom. 

He immediately summoned a Shadow Ninja and shoved the phone into its hands. 

"Here! You play for me!" 

Luke watched in relief as the Shadow Ninja effortlessly turned his negative K/D ratio into a massive positive one, completely dominating the match and racking up nearly a hundred combined team kills. 

Finally, the ninja pinged the 'Group Up' command, led the bewildered teammates in a massive team fight, and destroyed the enemy base. 

Breathing a massive sigh of relief, Luke took his phone back and confidently strolled out of the restroom. 

"Haha, sorry about earlier. Had to feed them a few kills to make it a fair fight, otherwise it gets too boring," Luke bragged to the group. 

'I don't believe a word of that!' 

The other four collectively thought the exact same thing but politely chose not to call him out on his blatant lie. And so, the "joyful" gaming session continued. 

Consequently, Luke had to visit the restroom six more times that evening. 

Fortunately, once Dr. Jane Foster and Dr. Erik Selvig fully understood the complex game mechanics, their brilliant analytical minds kicked in, and they actually started hard-carrying the team. Thor and Darcy eventually realized Luke was a fraud and physically barricaded him from going to the bathroom, forcing him to play himself. Despite his terrible performance, the two doctors managed to drag the team to a few hard-fought victories. 

Well, if the enemy team surrendered, that technically counted as half a win, right? Several half-wins eventually equaled a few real wins. 

Eventually, the group completely abandoned Luke, leaving him to sadly sip his Coke alone in the corner while they eagerly discussed team compositions. 

"This game is actually incredibly fun! It's highly challenging." 

"Agreed. Especially when you have incompetent teammates holding you back." 

... 

Watching the group enthusiastically discuss the game, and seeing Thor practically glued to Jane's side while looking at her screen, Luke quietly exited the game lobby and slipped out of the burger joint. 

'Odin, it's not that I don't want to help you test him, but look at Thor! A stupid mobile game and a pretty girl completely derailed him!' 

'If a simple video game can distract him this easily, how is he going to lead Asgard?! Is he going to decide the fate of wars by playing Rock-Paper-Scissors?!' 

'He is a complete disgrace to the Asgardian royal family! Wait... I guess I'm technically Asgardian royalty now too?' 

Luke shook his head in disgust. 'What a trash competitive game! People grind themselves to death in the real world, and now they want to grind themselves to death in a video game too?! I'm going back to single-player RPGs!' 

Luke angrily returned to his small hotel room and miserably wrapped himself in his blankets to sleep. 

Under the magical, restorative power of his warm blankets, Luke opened his eyes to find it was already the next morning. 

Opening his system interface, he noted that the nearly 3 million Energy Points from the new dimensions had been fully excavated and processed. 

Luke pondered his options. With this much energy, should he directly purchase more individual Shadowkhan, or should he unlock the next military squad expansion? 

Currently, converting all his specialized units back to base values, Luke possessed the equivalent of 5,000 Shadow Ninjas (though he only actively maintained 3,000 to keep his elite units active). Purchasing a single new Shadow Ninja cost 510 Energy Points. 

If he purely bought Shadow Ninjas to fill out his current max capacity, he could buy around 3,800. But he only needed to buy 2,000 more to hit the absolute population cap. 

That meant he only needed to spend roughly 1.22 million Energy Points to hit the cap, leaving him to stockpile the required 5 million Energy Points necessary to trigger the next [System Upgrade]. 

Looking at the thick, ancient grimoire of dimensional coordinates Odin had given him, Luke felt a massive surge of confidence. 

'Upgrade first! I'll focus on squad expansions after the system levels up and a major battle requires it!' 

Spending 1.22 million to max out his army size left him with roughly 1.9 million Energy Points. He was still 3.1 million short of the 5 million required for the upgrade. 

Luke immediately shadow-stepped into the Dark Dimension, preparing to conquer a few more realms to make up the difference. 

This time, he didn't even bother waiting for Mordo's combat mages. He just rapid-fired random portals using the 'single-pull' method. After blindly opening nearly 20 portals, he struck gold: 2 low-tier dimensions, 13 micro-dimensions, and 5 dead coordinates. The combined energy from these realms would easily put him over the 5 million mark. 

While waiting for his Shadowkhan to conquer and process the 'dungeons,' Luke casually flipped through Odin's ancient grimoire. 

Odin was truly a man who loved grandeur and theatrics. Initially, seeing the sheer thickness of the massive, leather-bound book, Luke assumed it contained tens of thousands of coordinates, enough to keep him mining for centuries. 

But it turned out, Odin dedicated several entire pages to a single, solitary coordinate! 

'Why couldn't you learn from the Ancient One?! Look at how efficient she is! She single-handedly reformatted and reorganized all 5,000 spellbooks in Kamar-Taj into a streamlined, modern cataloging system! Her coordinate ledgers are crammed with raw data, absolutely zero wasted paper!' 

'But you?! I open this massive book expecting a goldmine, and it's 90% fluff! Every single coordinate has a massive, multi-page dramatic story attached to it, detailing the exact date of discovery, the name of the Asgardian hero who found it, and a lengthy, self-congratulatory poem praising Odin's wisdom for conquering it! It's like reading a self-insert fantasy novel!' 

Despite the ridiculous amount of filler, Luke figured that even if he burned the book to evaporate all the useless fluff, the remaining valid coordinates were easily worth tens of millions of Energy Points. 

After a few hours, the Shadowkhan finished clearing the dimensions. Luke ordered them to dump all the magical loot and artifacts directly into Kamar-Taj's armory, and then headed back to check on Thor. 

Odin had mentioned he wanted to 'test' Loki, but Luke had no idea what that test entailed. He was worried Loki might still send the Destroyer armor to Earth in a paranoid panic. 

Even though Thor had already awakened his divine power without the hammer, Luke couldn't guarantee there wouldn't be some bizarre butterfly effect. The boss fights with Abomination and Whiplash had drastically deviated from the original plot, so Luke was remaining highly cautious. 

After processing the newly acquired dimensions and officially hitting the 5 million Energy Point cap, it was already noon. Luke drew a portal directly to Puente Antiguo. 

'Where the hell are Jane and the others staying anyway?' 

Thor was undoubtedly following Jane around like a lost puppy, but Luke had no idea where Jane actually lived in this town. 

Just as he was about to deploy a swarm of Shadow Ninjas to comb the town, a group of four incredibly strangely dressed individuals confidently swaggered past him down the main street. 

'What a coincidence,' Luke smiled, instantly recognizing Volstagg, Fandral, Hogun, and Lady Sif. 

These four had been secretly allowed to travel to Earth by Heimdall—who was notoriously rigid with the rules but fiercely loyal to Thor. 

Recently, Loki had secretly traveled to Jotunheim, the realm of the Frost Giants. However, Loki had explicitly used his magic to blind Heimdall to his actions, ensuring the all-seeing guardian couldn't witness his treasonous plotting. 

True Kings didn't rely on pathetic, cowardly illusions to rule. Heimdall absolutely despised Loki's treacherous, secretive nature and was deeply concerned for Thor's safety on Earth. 

Since Thor had no idea his brother was actively plotting against him, Heimdall had intentionally looked the other way, allowing Thor's closest friends to sneak past the Bifrost to warn the exiled prince about Asgard's political crisis. 

'I was just drinking in the tavern with hundreds of witnesses! I clearly wasn't operating the Bifrost!' Heimdall had probably claimed, establishing a perfect alibi. 

Luke quietly trailed the Asgardian warriors through the town. It didn't take long to find Thor, who was currently sitting outside a diner, intensely focused on a mobile game alongside Jane. 

"Curse you! How dare you gank the great Thor! I will slay you a hundred times over!" Thor was furiously muttering to himself, his thumbs swiping aggressively across his phone screen. 

"Thor is engaging an enemy!" Volstagg yelled, spotting his friend. 

Fandral squinted. "He is roaring at that tiny, glowing rectangular box in his hands! The enemy must be trapped inside it!" 

"It must be the work of a Midgardian Sorcerer! I have heard tales from the court mages that the sorcerers of this realm wield bizarre, confounding magic!" Hogun deduced solemnly. 

Sif opened her mouth to suggest caution, but Volstagg had already blindly charged forward. 

"Foul sorcerer! Unhand the Prince of Asgard!" 

With a mighty swing, Volstagg's battleaxe cleaved perfectly through the center of Thor's smartphone, cleanly splitting the device in half without leaving so much as a scratch on Thor's fingers. 

Watching from the shadows, Luke nodded in mild approval. 'His martial skill is decent. It can't match the absolute, flawless precision of a Shadowkhan assassin, but it's impressive for a brawler.' 

"Excellent strike, Volstagg! The four boars, six pheasants, and the entire cow that sacrificed themselves for your breakfast this morning would be proud!" Fandral cheered, stepping forward and stabbing his rapier through the severed halves of the phone just to be sure. 

Hogun, deciding the device wasn't dead enough, stepped up and brought his massive morningstar down, completely pulverizing the smartphone into a pile of metallic dust. 

Thor, who had been completely engrossed in a critical team fight that would determine his promotion to the next rank, stared blankly at the pile of dust that used to be his phone. 

'Damn it!' 

Before Thor could even process what had just happened, he glanced over at Jane's screen and watched in horror as his AFK character caused their team to lose the team fight, resulting in their base being destroyed. 

"Hail, Thor! It brings joy to my heart to finally see you again!" Volstagg cheered, dropping his axe and rushing forward for a massive bear hug. 

Thor's eyes went completely white. Massive arcs of untamed lightning violently erupted from his body. The moment Volstagg touched him, the massive Asgardian was violently electrocuted and sent crashing to the ground, twitching uncontrollably. 

"I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A SACRED DUEL WITH MY ENEMIES! WHAT IN THE NINE REALMS ARE YOU IDIOTS DOING?!" Thor roared furiously. 

'That was my promotion series!!' 

"I... I thought you were trapped in a magical duel..." Volstagg groaned from the floor, smoke rising from his beard. He looked up at Thor in awe. "Wait... why are you summoning lightning without Mjolnir?" 

"I am the God of Thunder, Volstagg! Not the God of Hammers! Why wouldn't I be able to summon lightning without it?!" Thor yelled, grabbing Volstagg by the collar and casually tossing the 400-pound warrior into a nearby plastic lawn chair. 

The flimsy plastic chair instantly shattered under Volstagg's massive weight. 

"By the Norns, you really need to go on a diet," Thor scowled. 

Sif sighed heavily, stepping past the terrified Fandral and Hogun, who were desperately trying to avoid making eye contact with the crackling God of Thunder. 

"Thor, please calm yourself! We have urgent news!" Sif pleaded. 

Thor, having vented his immediate frustration, was actually quite happy to see his closest friends. He managed to rein in the ambient lightning. 

"Why have you all suddenly come to Midgard?" Thor asked. 

Sif stepped closer, her expression grave. "We need you to return to Asgard immediately!" 

Thor frowned. He glanced back at Jane, who was looking at him with a mixture of shock and awe, and then at the pulverized remains of his phone. 

"My father banished me. Until I have earned the All-Father's forgiveness, I will not return to Asgard," Thor declared stubbornly, intentionally turning his back so his friends couldn't see the guilt in his eyes. 

"But the All-Father has fallen into the Odinsleep! And Loki, with the Queen's backing, has seized the throne as acting King!" Sif urged, desperate for Thor to grasp the severity of the political crisis. 

But... 

'Loki took the throne?! That's fantastic!' 

Thor felt absolutely no anger or urgency at the news. In fact, he was arguably Loki's biggest supporter! 

Furthermore, after acquiring the smartphone last night, Thor had downloaded several highly complex, hardcore kingdom-management strategy games. After playing them for a few hours, his brain had practically melted from the sheer stress of managing taxes, diplomacy, and resource allocation. 

If being a King meant he had to deal with that kind of mind-numbing administrative torture every single day, he was certain the stress would kill him faster than any war ever could! 

Compared to sitting on a boring throne and listening to old nobles complain, Thor vastly preferred the thrill of being a frontline commander leading armies into glorious battle. 

"Loki is far better suited to be King than I am," Thor said genuinely, looking Sif dead in the eyes. 

Sif stared at him in utter disbelief. She knew Thor well enough to recognize he was speaking the truth, but it was impossible for her to accept. She had committed high treason and risked execution by defying the new King's orders to find Thor, only for Thor to casually reject his birthright! 

Just as Sif was struggling to process this, Thor suddenly spotted Luke standing on the sidewalk outside the diner. 

"Hey! Uncle!" Thor yelled, instantly brightening up. 

"Hey, dear nephew. What's up?" Luke smiled, walking over. 

Thor rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, pointing down at the pulverized remains of his phone. "Uh... my friends accidentally smashed the communication device you bought me. Could you buy me a new one?" 

'...Uncle?!' 

The Warriors Three and Lady Sif were completely stunned. Why did Thor suddenly have an uncle on Midgard they had never heard of?! 

"Thor? Since when do you have an uncle?" Volstagg whispered loudly, tugging on Thor's sleeve. 

"He's my father's newly sworn blood-brother. He officially joined our family yesterday. So, by bloodline proxy, he is technically my uncle," Thor explained proudly. 

'...Yesterday?!' 

The four Asgardian warriors instantly went into high alert, their hands dropping to their weapons. 

Thor might have been out of the loop, but they knew exactly what was happening in Asgard! The All-Father had fallen into the Odinsleep days ago! And Queen Frigga hadn't left his bedside for a single second! 

There was absolutely zero possibility that Odin had awoken, traveled to Midgard, and sworn a blood oath with a random mortal yesterday! 

'This mortal is clearly deceiving the Prince!' 

The four warriors exchanged a deadly, synchronized look. Without a word, they drew their weapons and lunged at Luke, fully intending to execute the liar. 

Luke didn't even blink. He casually waved his hand. 

A massive sea of black shadows erupted from the concrete beneath the warriors. Dozens of highly elite Shadow Ninjas materialized instantly, completely surrounding the four Asgardians. Cold, razor-sharp katanas were pressed tightly against their throats, heavily armored joints, and major arteries. If they twitched, they would be sliced to ribbons. 

"Are all Asgardians this fundamentally stupid?" Luke sighed, glancing at Sif, who had frozen mid-lunge. 

'Birds of a feather really do flock together. The moment I mention my identity, they immediately try to murder me. They really are Thor's best friends; they share the exact same single-celled thought process.' 

Sif slowly, carefully moved her hand away from her double-bladed spear, offering a highly strained, awkward smile. 

"I... I assume that if the All-Father truly swore a blood oath with you, he would have bestowed upon you some token of authority to prove it?" Sif asked diplomatically. 

'Finally, someone with more than two brain cells to rub together. Just how low is the average IQ in Asgard?!' 

Luke sighed and pulled the heavy golden token from his belt. Honestly, he hated carrying it around. It was massive and clunky, feeling like he was carrying a massive janitor's keychain loaded with the keys to an entire apartment complex. 

"Do I seriously have to physically pull this thing out every single time I meet an Asgardian? Do you guys seriously not have some kind of advanced, magical biometric scanning system to verify identities?" 

For a highly advanced "God Race" that had been conquering the galaxy for tens of thousands of years, their technological development tree was astonishingly primitive. 

Sif offered an embarrassed, apologetic smile. But the moment she sensed the overwhelming, undeniable aura of the All-Father's magic radiating from the golden token, her blood ran cold. 

'This is authentic! The All-Father's magic is undeniable! But... how? The King is in the Odinsleep! How could he possibly be awake, granting tokens of authority to a Midgardian? And if he IS awake... why is he allowing Loki to usurp the throne?!' 

Seeing that they had finally grasped the situation, Luke waved his hand, dismissing the Shadow Ninjas. 

He shoved Thor away, who was desperately trying to apologize on behalf of his idiotic friends. 

Luke was honestly exhausted from dealing with these meatheads. Interacting with them made him feel like his own IQ was dropping. 

Just as Luke turned around, looking for a quiet table to sit down and relax, a terrifying, unnatural commotion erupted from the street outside...