Chapter 74: Truths?

As the Great Sage Equal to Heaven vanished into thin air, in her place, a single golden hair drifted to the ground, and as it landed, a gleaming golden treasure chest rose from the floor.

The silence in the ruined waiting room was heavy with the weight of absolute failure.

Everyone was completely exhausted, broken, and humiliated since they had won because the Boss was bored. Well, everyone except Kaz, and the 'protagonist'.

Nick the Chosen Hero was a creature of pure, unadulterated narrative delusion, and as he saw the golden chest and the glow, he thought the system had rewarded him for surviving the encounter.

'It's finally the time for my prize... finally... after such a battle where I emerged victorious... I deserve a legendary weapon at least,' the cucked one thought.

Nick stumbled forward, his legs trembling from exhaustion (or anticipation), but every step was a humiliating reminder of his condition.

Squeak. Pffffrt. Squeak. Squelch. Everyone laughed in silence, but Nick didn't care. He was too focused on the loot that he didn't even ask 'How are you, guys?' to his comrades.

As he finally reached the golden chest and peered inside, he saw that resting on a bed of red velvet was a magnificent, flawless weapon.

It was a broadsword forged from pure, gleaming silver. The hilt was wrapped in pristine white leather, and the crossguard was shaped like the wings of an angel. Deep, glowing holy runes were etched into the fuller of the blade, pulsing with a righteous, divine light.

Nick’s basic appraisal skill fired automatically.

[Item: Sword of the Righteous Echo]

[Rarity: ULTRA SSSS MEGA MYTHIC]

[Physical Damage: INCREDIBLE (Scales with Heroic Intent)]

[Special Effect: The blade resonates with the wielder's heroic spirit, echoing their battle cries to strike fear into the hearts of evil.]

"Yesss!" Nick whispered, though it came out as a pathetic, high-pitched hiss.

"The Squirrel one is happy, I guess..." Kaz whispered to Kashime, chuckling, and touched his shoulder with his elbow.

"Heh... this is getting ridiculous—" Kashime replied.

"This is it. This is the weapon that will slay Aldmax and will make me win both the Kingdom and the Princess..." Nick said, not realizing that he was thinking out loud.

'What a disgusting pervert. He didn't even care about his injured comrades. I must leave him as soon as possible.' Luna thought, occasionally picking random object from the ground and putting them into her 'special bag'.

Nick reached down with trembling, gauntleted hands and gripped the hilt. The sword was perfectly balanced, feeling light, incredibly powerful, and undeniably holy.

Then, he pulled the blade from the chest, feeling a surge of artificial confidence wash over him, and turned to face the broken remnants of his party, standing amidst the rubble of the water cooler and the drywall.

He needed to rally them and prove he was still their fearless leader.

Nick raised the magnificent Sword of the Righteous Echo high above his head, pointing the tip toward the broken ceiling, and then took a deep breath, channeling every ounce of his remaining dignity into a single, glorious battle cry.

"FOW THE WIGHT!" Nick squeaked, the helium-squirrel voice echoing pathetically off the stone walls.

The holy runes on the blade flashed with a brilliant, blinding light. The magical enchantment activated, ready to echo the Hero's battle cry.

But Jeanette’s alchemy was flawless. And Vesta's help was truly amazing.

The sword vibrated... and then, from the glowing runes on the blade, a voice echoed through the room.

It wasn't a booming, divine voice or the majestic roar of an angel.

It was a nasal, incredibly sarcastic, overwhelmingly obnoxious voice that sounded exactly like a bored middle-school bully who spent too much time on the internet.

"For the wight, he says," the Sword of the Righteous Echo mocked, its voice dripping with pure, concentrated sarcasm. "Oh wow. So brave. What a loser."

The silence returned. But this time, it was lethal.

Kaz, who was still sitting by his plastic rock, slapped a hand over his mouth as his shoulders started shaking violently.

Kashime the Edgelord completely dropped his revolver, covering his mouth with both hands, his eyes wide in absolute shock.

Jin, who was still crying on the floor from his trauma, actually stopped weeping, looked up at the sword, and a small, hysterical, broken giggle escaped his lips.

Nick froze, staring at the glowing blade in his hands. The +30% Virgin Ego Boost completely and utterly shattered, leaving behind a hollow, empty shell of a teenager.

"Come on..." Nick whispered, his voice a pathetic, high-pitched squeak of pure despair.

The sword glowed again.

"Come on, he says," the Sword mocked, its nasal voice perfectly replicating Nick's squeaky pitch but adding a layer of unbearable teenage sass. "Yeah. Come on. Squeak it again, squirrel boy."

Kaz couldn't hold it in anymore. He burst into a howling fit of laughter, rolling on the floor and pointing at Nick.

Even Egel, the Muscle Mommy, fell to the floor from laughing.

Everyone couldn't control their reaction. Even the most random NPCs kept laughing like they had witnessed the ultimate joke of their life.

After that humiliation, Nick’s hands were shaking, and his eyes filled with hot, stinging tears.

He had been beaten by a pubic hair. He was farting, he was squeaking, and now his own legendary weapon was bullying him.

With a cry of absolute, world-shattering frustration, Nick threw the Sword of the Righteous Echo onto the ground.

The sword clattered against the stone floor.

The runes flashed one final time.

"And he throws it too," the Sword sighed, sounding profoundly disappointed. "Typical. Rage quit. Pathetic."

Nick fell to his knees, burying his face in his hands.

The Chosen Hero of Oakhaven, the Savior of the Light, the future King of the Realm, broke down and sobbed, his squeaky, high-pitched wails accompanied by the soft, rhythmic flatulence of his legendary armor.

The army was destroyed, and the humiliation was absolute.

Then, the purple communication orb crackled back to life above the ticket dispenser.

"Well. That was... disappointing. Truly," Mordecai’s voice echoed, cold and utterly bored. "I expected at least a minimum of entertainment value. But the Great Sage, Equal to Heaven, has declared that you 'won.' Therefore, as far as I am concerned... You may proceed."

Then... silence. Everyone stopped laughing.

Kaz raised an eyebrow, peeking over his plastic rock. "Wait. What? We can... continue?"

"The audit is just beginning, gentlemen," Mordecai replied smoothly. "The waiting room was simply the preliminary screening. Welcome to the actual dungeon."

Kaz looked around, a sudden realization dawning on him. "Hey. Wait a minute. Where did the guy who was screaming about dragons go? The one with the tragic backstory of every single revenge plot protagonist?"

Another silence filled the entire room.

Then, from somewhere deep, deep within the labyrinthine catacombs of the Northern Dungeon, a sound echoed.

CRASH.

Another stone wall crumbling.

"DRAGOOOOOOOOOOONS! I WILL KILL ALL YOUR HATCHLINGS!"

The voice echoed faintly before fading away into the distance.

Silence returned to the waiting room.

"Ah," Mordecai sighed, his voice sounding almost paternal and deeply exhausted. "He is still smashing in a loop through the structural support walls, screaming about how dragons murdered his family. Nothing new. He ignored every monster, bypassed every trap, and ran right past the loot I placed for him. He wants to run directly into the main vault. Alone. Against Vesta."

"Ve..sta?" Kaz asked.

"The dragon," Mordecai clarified. "The real one."

Another distant explosion shook the floor.

"FOUND YOU! DIE, LIZARD! YOU KILLED MY FAMILY!"

"Ah, he just smashed a random gecko along the way..." Mordecai then interrupted himself for a second and cleared his throat. "He will die if he goes on like this, of course," Mordecai mused. "But at least he will die doing what he loves."

Nick stumbled to his feet. The cursed sword was still on the floor. He picked it up with trembling hands.

"C-C-CUWSUE YOU!" (Curse you!) Nick squeaked, his voice trying to sound menacing but coming off exactly like an angry baby seal. "I WOUIWWW KIWW YVOU IN TVE NAMWEEE OF THE CVHURCH!!!!" YOUV DWABOLICAL PWANS WILL NOWT PWASS! (I will kill you in the name of the Church! Your diabolical plans will not pass!)

The sword vibrated.

"Uh-oh. The puppy is trying to be a bad boy," the Sword mocked in its nasal tone. "Someone call animal control."

"SHWADAPP!" (Shut up!) Nick shrieked, blushing violently.

"You shut up. Come on, with that little voice? You sound like a broken music box," the Sword shot back.

Kaz burst into laughter again.

Suddenly, Mordecai's orb pulsed with intense purple light, and the air above the broken army shimmered, projecting a massive, high-definition hologram into the room. It was a live feed from the adjacent chamber.

Three figures were bound to thick stone pillars with heavy iron chains.

It was Valeria, Nya, and Seraphina.

They were wearing torn clothes, their faces were smudged with soot, and they were crying. Crying very, very badly.

"N-Not that I care that you came to save us, b-b-baka!" Valeria, the tsundere swordsman, stammered, trying to look frightened but instinctively crossing her arms in annoyance. "I only did this because... because... HELP! BUT NOT BECAUSE I LIKE YOU!"

Kaz stared at the hologram. "..."

"Nya... I'm hungry..." Nya wept, her cat ears twitching. "Someone give me fish... my stomach is growling... and I'm scared... but mostly hungry... NYA!"

Kaz massaged his temples. "..."

"TE-HEE! I AM STILL A VIRGIN!" Seraphina sobbed loudly, throwing a completely un-subtle, incredibly malicious wink directly at the camera. "SOMEONE SAVE ME! BUT YOU KNOW... I'VE NEVER BEEN WITH A HERO... WHO KNOWS... MAYBE IF NICK SAVED ME..."

The entire army held its breath.

Nya and Valeria looked at Seraphina with absolute horror.

"SERAPHINA, NOW IS NOT THE TIME!" Valeria hissed off-camera.

"...I'M JUST SAYING, IF A TRUE HERO SAVED ME, I WOULDN'T MIND THANKING HIM... ADEQUATELY..." Seraphina continued, her voice dreamy and entirely unconvincing.

Kaz covered his face with his hands. "This scene is completely out of control. I thought my party was the worst, but I now consider myself very lucky." He said, while looking at Waterfall, Meg on the floor, and Light, who was still blushing and twitching from that suplex.

Kashime tightened his grip on his revolver. "He's still a villain... even if he has weird morals against perverts..."

Jin, slowly regaining his composure, looked at the hologram. "He... he imprisoned girls. We have to... we have to save them. Even if... even if I'm afraid of buckets..."

"Yeah, okay," Kaz sighed. "But only because that chick said she's a virgin. Now I'm curious. And slightly worried."

Nick, meanwhile, was having a complete breakdown.

"WONE.. WONE OV TVEEM SHAID THAT... SVSWE WWWUUD BE WVILLING TO... TVWANK ME?! AHAHAHAHAHAH!" (One of them... one of them said... she would be willing... to thank me?! Ahahahahaha!)

His divine aura exploded in a golden burst. But it was a strange glow. A bit... slimy.

The sword commented, "There it goes. His secret power activated: 'Ego of the Employer Who Thinks He Has a Chance'. Spoiler alert: He doesn't."

"Since I am feeling benevolent..." Mordecai chuckled softly, the first actual laugh they had heard from him. "I will give you a hint."

Nick held his breath.

"Straight to the right are the girls. A very big, very ugly golem, fresh out of therapy for severe depression, is holding them hostage. If you are fast enough... You might save them before he... smashes them."

A pause.

"Ah. And one piece of advice," Mordecai’s voice suddenly grew serious, almost paternal. "If by chance you encounter a skeletal janitor with yellow rubber gloves cleaning up the mess you've left behind... do not touch him, or his spoons. If he sees you, give a thumbs-up to him, and you'll be fine, but remember that he is perfectly harmless... if he is not disturbed."

Jin froze as the PTSD struck like lightning.

He immediately saw Larry, the yellow gloves, the perfectly polished spoons and the thumbs up.

Scrik. Scrik.

Jin’s soul left his body for a second, then quickly snapped back.

"Okay. I won't touch him. I promise," Jin said, his voice broken but calm.

Nick looked at him, confused. "What...?"

"DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. TRUST ME. AND RUN." Jin ordered.

Nick, Kaz, Kashime, Jin, and the few surviving NPCs rounded the corner, pushing into the next chamber.

The room was massive.

And standing in the center, three meters tall, forged from polished black stone, with blue eyes weeping literal gravel tears... was a different Luketto, the depressed golem.

But this wasn't the pocket-sized Luketto Mordecai usually carried. This was his fully unleashed, massive form, and behind him, bound to the pillars, were Valeria, Nya, and Seraphina.

"I've been here... for hours..." Luketto groaned, his voice cavernous, sad, and echoing like public transportation announcements. "Nobody ever wanted me... I was replaced by a hair follicle... and now I have to babysit..."

He sobbed, a rock falling from his eye.

"I HATE MY LIFE."

Nya complained from the pillar, "Nya... what's taking you so long? I want to eat..."

Valeria shushed her.

"SAVE US, YUUSHA-SAMAAAA!" Seraphine shouted in a fake fan-girly tone of voice, with her hands grabbing her own cheeks.

Her scream echoed directly into his Virgin Shonen Libido, and he didn't waste time.

"ATTACK! FOW TVWE HONOVVW OF TVEWSE DAMSELSS!!" (Attack! For the honor of these damsels!) Nick squeaked, raising his cursed sword.

Nick immediately charged, and Luketto looked down at him sadly.

"Oh. Another hero who wants to kill me. Like all the rest. Nobody can understand my pain... accept my pain... know my pain..."

Luketto raised a massive stone arm, but it was slow. Too slow.

Nick dodged it easily.

"SPVEWCIAL STWIKE OF TEH WOAWING SWOD!!!" (Special Strike of the Roaring Sword!)

His attack wasn't powerfu since the squeak ruined the momentum entirely, but the Mythic sword itself dealt heavy base damage.

Luketto tried to parry, but Jin appeared from the shadows behind him, casting a binding spell that locked the golem in place.

"DEMON SHOT!" Kashime yelled, firing his revolver.

Kaz hid behind a pillar. "The sword's already broken his spirit. You guys handle this."

The combined attack struck Luketto square in the chest.

BOOM.

The massive golem wavered. Then... He exploded into a pile of pebbles.

That was clearly a copy.

"Another 0 exp monster," Kaz deadpanned. "Sure. Why not."

Nick ignored the fake golem, rushing toward the girls with his arms wide open.

But as he touched the air around them...

ZZZAP.

A pulsing, violent purple barrier repelled him backward, knocking him to the floor (PFFFRT).

"WHATTT?! ANOTWEN TWAP?!—" (What?! Another tra—)

In that moment, the ceiling darkened, and a massive figure slowly descended from the shadows.

It was him: Ugo, the Skeletal Archivist.

This time, the giant skeletal Archivist wasn't wearing his usual robes.

Instead, he was wearing a dark suit, a red tie... and a black tactical vest with the word "SWAT" printed in bold white letters across the chest.

SWAT = Skeletal Wizardry and Arbitration Team.

Ugo landed silently between Nick and the girls and opened a massive, glowing ledger.

"Welcome," Ugo said, his cavernous voice perfectly professional. "I am Ugo, Director of Post Mortem Human Resources and Arbitrational Mediator for Ravenloft Holdings, and I can only be summoned if someone is breaking the rules."

Nick stared at him, utterly confused.

"MOWNSTER!!!" He shouted, immediately hitting the barrier, with no result.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT MONSTER?! HE'S HUGE!" Kaz shouted, hiding behind Waterfall, using her as a meat shield.

Kashime and Jin immediately stood on guard, but they could feel that Ugo wasn't a classic evil entity.

"These girls here are the royal daughters of noble families from the Kingdom of Daogoth, bordering Aethelgard," Ugo said, his gaze moving between every adventurer. "To save them, the Chosen One must pass the final trial, a special one where the purity and sincerity of his heart will be tested," Ugo added.

"What now? Another battle?" Kaz sighed behind Waterfall, who was trembling like a feather.

"No," Ugo replied. "A confession." His violet eyes sparkled for an instant, like a sonar ping.

Ugo then extracted a golden parchment. "The CEO has demanded, as ransom for the maidens, the revelation of three embarrassing secrets from the past life of the Chosen One."

Nick paled.

"The statements will be verified by a Truth Detector donated directly by the Higher Realms," Ugo added.

Ugo snapped his skeletal fingers.

A small, floating object—a golden sphere with a single, unblinking eye in the center—materialized next to him.

The eye of [Lord Dibbs57.]

"Our guest judge is... [Lord Dibbs57], accompanied by [Lord MicroShock], [Lord Void Of Rebirth], and [Lord voobwig]," Ugo read from the ledger. "They all paid 4,000 anime soul coins to witness this event live."

Nick sheathed his sword and clenched his fists, accepting the challenge.

"Lwets do it." He squeaked.

"What is he talking about? Live Event?" Kashime asked Kaz, who only shrugged.

Ugo then cleared his throat.

"Very well. I shall now start." He said, pulling out a spectral notebook. "First secret. [Lord Dibbs57] and [Lord MicroShock] said that The Chosen One must reveal... why his 'Excellence in Battle' is so... limited?"

Another loud silence filled the entire place.

Kaz, Kashime, and Jin immediately moved their gaze towards the squirrel one, clearly understanding the question.

Egel and Luna looked into each other's eyes, their gaze literally saying, 'We were with someone who can't even use his sword?'

Lucretia slipped on an imaginary rock after hearing the question.

Nick was sweating profusely.

The cursed sword in its sheath chimed in. "Come on, tell us. Have you seen a doctor, or did you buy pills off the internet?"

Nick squeezed his eyes shut.

He took a deep breath and then said: "HAH! THE CWHOSEN WONE HAS NO SUCH PWOBLEMS!"

BEEEP the sphere sparkled with a crimson color.

"My.. my... someone is lying." [Lord Dibbs57] spoke, followed by the sound of him munching some ethereal popcorns.

"Say the truth, Fart-Boy." [Lord MicroShock] Added.

Humiliated, Nick realized that the only thing he could do was tell the truth. Not even his [Heroic Lie] could save him.

He clenched his fists and looked at the ground for some instants.

Then, with a squeaky, broken voice:

"I SUFFEWED FWOM EVEKTYLE DYSFCUNTION! I TWOOK VWIAGWA! BWUT IT DIDN'T WORK EITHER!" (I suffered from erectile dysfunction! I took Viagra! But it didn't work either!)

A loud silence filled the entire room again, and everyone looked at Nick with wide eyes, completely stunned by his revelation.

Then, the room exploded into laughter so hard that even NPC soldiers burst out laughing. (A lot of them didn't know what Viagra was, but they laughed anyway).

Kaz, Kashime, and Jin fell to the floor.

"THE VIAGRA DIDN'T WORK! HAHAHAHAHAH!" Kaz howled.

The golden sphere glowed a bright, validating green. Truth.

The girls behind the barrier turned pale.

"Oh god..." Valeria whispered, horrified, while Seraphina looked at the Hero with a gaze full of disgust.

"Te-hee... Goodbye dreams of glory..." Seraphina sighed in profound disappointment.

Ugo remained entirely unbothered. "Second secret. [Lord Voobwig] ordered that The Chosen One must reveal... his true childhood nickname. The one his mother whispered to him before sleep until high school."

Nick trembled even more, but he could only say the truth.

"I DIDN'T WANT IT... BWUT MY MOMMY CALLED ME... 'P-P-PIOWWO'..." (I didn't want to... but my mother... called me... P-P-Piollo...)

Silence.

"Pi... Pollo? Chicken in Italian?" Kashime asked.

"PI-PI-PIOWWO!" Nick sobbed.

The sphere glowed green, and the army collapsed onto the floor, again.

"THE GREAT HERO, THE CHOSEN ONE, THE MAN WHO WILL DEFEAT THE DARK LORD... WAS NAMED PIOLLO!" Kaz screamed.

"Third secret," Ugo continued smoothly. "[Lord Void Of Rebirth] has ordered that The Chosen One must reveal... exactly how many followers on OnlySaints he purchased to appear famous."

Nick froze once again.

The sword snickered. "Oh, this is going to be good. Go on, squirrel boy, tell them."

"...T-wentw... m-iwa..." (Twenty... thousand...) Nick whispered, utterly destroyed.

Kaz couldn't hear him over the laughter. "What? TWENTY?! TWENTY THOUSAND?!"

'He bought followers. IN A FANTASY WORLD. He committed social media fraud in a world without social media. That's a new level of pathetic.' Luna thought, clearly disgusted by what she had heard.

"...ONE HWDNED, I BWOUGT ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND FAKE FOLLOWERS TO LOOK FAMOUS!" (One hundred. One hundred thousand. I bought one hundred thousand fake followers to look famous!) Nick wailed.

The golden sphere flared a brilliant, blinding green. Truth.

Absolute chaos erupted.

[HIGHER REALMS LIVE CHAT]

[USER "NTR_Lover69" has donated 500 soul coins]

NTR_Lover69: "HE BOUGHT FOLLOWERS! THE HERO BOUGHT FOLLOWERS! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

Ugo nodded, satisfied, and then closed the ledger.

"Thank you for your cooperation, Hero. As ordered, I must now obey my orders and give you the damsels. I won't lay a single hand on you." He said, before snapping his fingers.

In that moment, the purple barrier dissolved, and Ugo stood there.

Valeria, Nya, and Seraphina were 'finally' free and stood up, then cautiously approached Nick.

Nick, armed with his squirrel voice, his farting armor, and his bullying sword, opened his arms wide to welcome them.

"NOW FEAWW, DAMSWELS! YOUW HEVWO HAS AWWIVED!" (No fear, damsels! Your hero has arrived!) Nick squeaked epically.

In that moment, the girls took all their courage and hugged him.

And then, almost immediately, their faces contorted into expressions of pure horror.

The smell of the Swamp Toad wax, the high-pitched squeak, and the wet PFFFFRT.

Nya was the first to pull away, covering her nose. "Nya... I'm going to throw up... it stinks..."

Valeria backed away, her face turning green. "W-What is... what is that smell... I feel sick..."

Seraphina, the most sensitive of the group, doubled over.

"TE-HEE... I'M GOING TO... I'M GOING TO..."

She didn't finish the sentence.

Seraphina projectile vomited directly onto Nick’s legendary silver boots.

Everyone looked at the scene in complete awe, not speaking a single word.

Nick, completely and utterly humiliated, stumbled backward.

"WHWAT THE...! I SMELL GOOD!" He said, causally raising his arms and sniffing his armpits.

"Literally," the cursed sword added helpfully. "You smell like rotten lavender, squirrel boy,"

Ugo offered a crisp, professional bow, and vanished in a cloud of bone dust.

The girls, still nauseated, scrambled as far away from Nick as possible.

The army was shattered, and morale was nonexistent.

Then, a new path appeared in front of them, and Kaz was the first to notice that.

He looked ahead and called out to everyone.

"Hey, guys, look at what happened," Kaz said, pointing his finger forward.

Everyone moved their gaze where Kaz was pointing and saw that the tunnel split into three distinct paths.

The path to the left had a sign: [TOWARD TREASURE - WARNING: LIKELY A TRAP].

The path in the center had a sign: [TOWARD EXIT - EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF].

The path to the right had a sign: [TOWARD FINAL BOSS - DEATH COMES FROM WITHIN].

Nick looked at the signs.

Kaz looked at Nick.

Jin looked at his own shadow suspiciously.

Kashime silently reloaded his revolver.

"Well," Kaz sighed heavily. "We're f*cked."

In that moment, Nick’s sword laughed.

"And you're late for your proctologist appointment too," the Sword mocked. "So... which path are we taking? The trap, the exit, or the certain death? Personally, I vote for the exit. I need a therapist."

[HIGHER REALMS LIVE CHAT - POST CREDITS]

NTR_Lover69: "PI-PI-POLLO! HAHAHAHAH! I'M DYING!"

XxShadowSlayerxX: "He bought followers. He bought followers. THE HERO BOUGHT FOLLOWERS."

LoreMaster_77: "The erectile dysfunction was bad enough. But Pollo? POLLO?"

GoonerKing: "Seraphina vomiting on Nick. The most romantic scene of the decade."

Larry_Simp_01: "No Larry, but Ugo SWAT made me cry laughing. I'm saving that."

DragonSlayerFan_01: "WHERE IS DRAGON SLAYER?!"

SystemAdmin: "Nick has lost everything. Money, dignity, voice, and now the girls. The state of the Chosen One: Total Failure."

Dibbs57 (Official Account): "THE SPHERE WORKED. 4,000 SOUL COINS WELL SPENT."

MonkeyKingCultist: "Wukong wasn't in this chapter. But her absence was felt. Meaning there was no one left to humiliate them further."

NTR_Lover69: "Next chapter: DRAGON SLAYER. I AM WAITING FOR THIS LIKE THE END OF THE WORLD."

Golem_Protection_Squad: "Poor Luketto. He just wanted to be loved. And instead he got exploded by a squirrel-voiced hero with erectile dysfunction. Justice for Luketto.