Chapter 51: Highway Tollbooths, NDA Forms, and the Hero’s Tax Evasion, 1

Miles away, the Eastern Trade Route was a blur of shadows and rustling leaves.

Nick sprinted through the darkened woods, his chest heaving, his blonde hair plastered to his forehead with cold sweat. Behind him, his heavily armed harem was struggling to keep pace, the sounds of their exhausted panting echoing through the trees.

"Keep moving!" Nick barked, refusing to look back. "We can't stop! We need to reach the borders of Oakhaven before that monster catches up to us!"

He was desperately trying to spin the catastrophic humiliation of Renea into a heroic narrative, if only inside his own head. 'I wasn't defeated,' he told himself frantically. 'I merely executed a tactical retreat in the face of an unknown, high-level curse! Yes, that’s it! Aldmax Kaitoyama probably used a forbidden sonic weapon to brainwash a legendary hero! When I tell King Cuckus III, he’ll have no choice but to give me command of the royal army! I’ll expose Aldmax Kaitoyama, burn everything to the ground, and become the Supreme Savior! In the end, I always win!!'

"S-Sir Nick! Please!" Lucretia cried out, stumbling over an exposed tree root. The busty mage caught herself on her wooden staff, panting heavily. Her silken robes were snagged by thorns, and her cheeks were flushed with exhaustion. "My... my mana circuits are still vibrating from that horrible music! And my feet... these boots aren't made for cross-country marathons!"

"Quit whining, spell-caster," Egel grunted, though the martial artist was sweating herself profusely, massaging her temples as she jogged. "Boss, my head is splitting. That golden guy’s singing literally gave me a concussion. I can't even focus my Chi. Can we just take a five-minute breather? Just five minutes!"

"Heroes do not take breaks!" Nick snapped, his voice tight with lingering panic. "We push through the pain! The fate of the kingdom rests on our shoulders!"

Ah, yeah. The chosen one had a very powerful passive skill.

[PASSIVE SKILL: HEROIC STAMINA]

[EFFECT: THE HERO WILL NOT FEEL FATIGUE. EVER.

EXCEPT WHEN:

A) HE NEEDS TO GIVE AN EMBARRASSING MONOLOGUE ABOUT THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP. AT THAT MOMENT, HE WILL SUDDENLY STAGGER, PANT, AND DRAMATICALLY SWEAT TO SELL THE 'I'M PUSHING MY LIMITS' AESTHETIC. THIS FATIGUE IS 100% COSMETIC.

B) THE AUTHOR NEEDS TO KILL TIME BEFORE A BOSS FIGHT. AT THAT MOMENT, THE HERO WILL COLLAPSE TO ALLOW FOR A COMPLETELY RANDOM FLASHBACK—USUALLY ABOUT A CHILDHOOD PET (A DOG, A CAT, OR A LOYAL POTATO). THE FLASHBACK WILL HAVE ZERO RELEVANCE TO THE PLOT.

OUTSIDE OF THESE TWO SCENARIOS, THE HERO COULD LITERALLY RUN THROUGH A BRICK WALL AND NOT FEEL IT. THE SYSTEM CALLS THIS 'DRAMATIC TENSION'. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO PRETEND IT MAKES SENSE.]

Luna, the dark elf ranger, leaped gracefully over a fallen log, landing silently beside Nick. Despite her high stamina, her stoic facade was cracking. She looked around the forest, her slitted eyes narrowing in deep suspicion.

"Nick, stop for a moment. Look around," Luna said, her voice dropping to a cautious whisper.

"I said no stopping—"

"Look at the path!" Luna insisted, grabbing his shoulder and physically halting him.

Nick finally stopped, blinking the sweat from his eyes, and looked down.

The rough, uneven dirt path they had been running on had subtly transformed. The jagged rocks and muddy puddles were gone. Instead, they were standing on a perfectly leveled, smoothly paved road made of dark, durable, asphalt-like magical composite. Along the sides of the road, small, aesthetically pleasing reflectors were embedded in the stone, guiding the way. There wasn't a single overgrown weed in sight; the edges of the forest looked like they had been professionally landscaped.

"What the hell is this?" Egel muttered, catching up and putting her hands on her knees, panting. "Who paves a road in the middle of a monster-infested forest?"

"It’s not monster-infested," Luna pointed out, her pointed ears twitching. "I haven't sensed a single hostile presence for the last ten miles. The local goblin tribes aren't hiding... they're completely gone."

A profound sense of wrongness settled over the party. This wasn't the chaotic, wild frontier they were used to. It felt manicured. Controlled.

"It doesn't matter," Nick declared, shaking off the unease. He pointed forward to where the trees began to thin out. "We're almost at the Great Eastern Bridge! Once we cross the gorge, we are officially in Oakhaven territory. Aldmax’s jurisdiction ends there. Let's go!"

They pushed forward, breaking through the tree line.

The Great Eastern Bridge was a massive stone structure spanning a deep, rushing river gorge. But as Nick and his harem emerged into the clearing, they froze.

The ancient stone bridge was no longer a simple crossing. It had been aggressively modernized.

Blocking the bridge's entrance was a sprawling, brightly lit structure. A massive metal canopy stretched across the road, illuminated by harsh, buzzing fluorescent neon lights. Three distinct lanes had been painted on the pavement, each blocked by a sturdy, black-and-yellow striped boom barrier.

Standing in the lanes were a dozen goblins. But they weren't wearing rusted armor or wielding crude clubs. Instead, they were wearing high-visibility reflective orange vests, yellow hard hats, and holding glowing red batons.

And right in the center lane, sitting behind an impossibly out-of-place, polished mahogany desk, was a woman with a nameplate on her chest saying 'Brenda'. A very beautiful one, to be honest.

'Oh? Who is that beauty? Gonna add her into my harem.' He thought.

The other girls noticed his lustful look and immediately pouted at him, but he didn't care at all.

The woman casually flipped a page on her clipboard, not even looking up as the Hero's party skidded to a halt. The harsh neon lights reflected off her designer cat-eye glasses.

In that moment, the Chosen One decided to go back to his script and shout.

"W-What is this?!" Nick shouted, gripping the hilt of his Holy Sword, his heart hammering against his ribs. "An ambush?! Demons, step aside! I am the Chosen Hero, and I demand passage to the Capital! Are these goblins taking you hostage? I'll free you!" A very disgusting smirk appeared on his face only for an instant.

Brenda slowly raised her head. Her ruby-red eyes locked onto Nick, completely unimpressed by his glowing sword or his dramatic stance.

"This is the Ravenloft Holdings Eastern Toll and Customs Plaza," Brenda said, her voice a smooth, sultry purr that carried the unmistakable, soul-crushing weight of corporate authority. "And I am Brenda, Head of Demonic Human Resources and Revenue Collection. You are currently attempting to cross a privately maintained infrastructure asset. Please sheath your weapon. Brandishing a lethal armament at a tollbooth is a Class B misdemeanor."

'Ravenloft Holdings again?!? She's one of them. I must kill her. What a waste. I'll just ask the system to generate me a new one.' He thought.

"I-I don't pay tolls to Dark Lords!" Nick yelled, stepping forward. His [Heroic Aura] flared, casting a divine light over the plaza. "Egel! Luna! Get ready to breach the barricade! Lucretia! Prepare your strongest [Ice Storm]."

As the girls heard his orders, they immediately went into a battle stance, just to be politely stopped by Brenda.

"I wouldn't advise that, Mr. Nick," Brenda sighed, leaning back in her ergonomic mesh chair. "Unless, of course, you wish to add 'Assault on a Federal Revenue Agent' to your rapidly expanding list of legal and financial transgressions."

"Legal transgressions?" Nick scoffed, laughing bitterly. "I am the Hero! I act on behalf of the Goddess and the King! I have no transgressions! My sole purpose is to save my people!"

Brenda smirked, but it was a terrifying expression. She picked up a thick, incredibly heavy folder from her desk and dropped it back onto the mahogany with a resounding, heavy THUD.

"Let’s review the ledger, shall we?" Brenda opened the folder, pushing her glasses up her nose. "According to the Internal Realm Service, whose authority spans across all recognized kingdoms via the Merchant's Guild treaties, you have been a very naughty boy, Hero."

She pulled out a long, magically extending receipt that spilled over the edge of the desk and unrolled across the asphalt.

"Item one: Willful Destruction of Public and Private Property," Brenda read, her voice echoing in the quiet night. "Over the time you've been summoned here, during your 'heroic' quests, you have entered the private domiciles of exactly four hundred and twelve innocent villagers without a warrant. You subsequently smashed one thousand, three hundred and forty-two clay pots, barrels, and wooden crates in search of 'loot'."

Nick blinked, his sword lowering slightly. "T-They are just pots! It's what adventurers do!"

"It is vandalism," Brenda corrected smoothly. "You also engaged in highly destructive brawls in seven different taverns, resulting in catastrophic structural damage and severe emotional distress for the tavern owners. The total calculated fines for property damage, plus compounding interest, currently stand at 145,000 Gold Coins."

"THAT'S A LIE!" Nick screamed, his face turning red.

"I assure you, the math is flawless," Brenda purred. She flipped a page. "But that is merely a slap on the wrist compared to item two. Tax Evasion."

The words hung in the air like a guillotine.

"Taxes?" Lucretia whispered behind Nick, clutching her staff tightly. "Sir Nick... you pay the guild taxes, right?"

"Of course I do!" Nick stammered, sweating profusely.

"You pay the standard 5% Guild registration fee," Brenda corrected, tapping her pen on the desk. "However, you have failed to declare the independent acquisition and subsequent black-market sale of over fifty S-Rank and A-Rank monster cores. You have looted ancient tombs and hoarded the wealth without filing a single Capital Gains declaration. Moreover, you have illegally authorized the production of action figures of yourself at a factory in another country, involving demonic child labor and toxic materials. You are operating an unregistered, untaxed mercenary enterprise."

Egel's eyes widened as she heard the words "Child Labor". A shiver ran down her spine as she recalled one of her worst memories.

Brenda looked up, her ruby eyes glowing. "The IRS has audited your party. Your total outstanding tax debt, including late fees and corporate penalties for operating on Ravenloft territory, is exactly 850,000 Gold Coins."

"EIGHT HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND?!" Nick shrieked, dropping his sword entirely. The blade hit the asphalt with a pathetic clatter. That was more wealth than some minor kingdoms possessed.

BEEP.

The sky above the tollbooth flashed aggressively red. The System, an impartial and rigid enforcer of universal laws, manifested a colossal holographic interface directly over the toll plaza.

[SYSTEM ALERT: FINANCIAL AUDIT VALIDATED!]

[Target 'Nick' has an outstanding, legally recognized debt of 995,000 Gold Coins to the Internal Realm Service and Ravenloft Holdings.]

[WARNING: If the Target attempts to flee or cross the border without settling the debt, the System will initiate 'Asset Forfeiture Protocol'. All equipped items, including Legendary Weapons, will be immediately confiscated, and Target will be branded with the 'Tax Evader' debuff (-90% Charisma, -90% Luck) permanently.]

Up in the Higher Realms chat, the audience was losing their collective minds.

GoonerKing: "I AM SCREAMING! THE MILF HR AUDITED HIM! SHE PULLED THE RECEIPTS ON THE CLAY POTS!"

Waifu_Hunter99: "Bro thought he was playing Zelda, but he was actually playing TurboTax 2026. Get wrecked!"

CorporateSlave42: "CEO Mordecai is a visionary. Why fight the Hero when you can just bankrupt him? 10/10 Corporate warfare."

Edgelord_Tears: "Look at Nick crying! He can't punch a tax bracket! This is peak fiction!"

Nick fell to his knees, clutching his hair. "No... no, no, no! This isn't fair! I save the world! I shouldn't have to pay taxes on monster cores! The King gave me a royal mandate!"

He could try to attack and destroy the woman and the goblins in front of him, but deep down, he perfectly knew that he couldn't defeat bureaucracy and capitalism. Even an idiot like him knew.

"The King's mandate does not exempt you from federal capital gains, sweetie," Brenda smiled, standing up and walking slowly out from behind the desk. Her stilettos clicked menacingly against the pavement.

She wasn't finished. Bankrupting him was only phase one.

Brenda bypassed the weeping Hero entirely and walked directly toward his harem. Lucretia, Egel, and Luna tensed, readying their weapons, but Brenda simply reached into her sleek blazer and pulled out a stack of glossy, high-quality brochures and a few sheets of paper.

"Ladies," Brenda purred, her voice dripping with maternal, corporate concern. She handed a paper to each of them. "I am conducting an impromptu Employee Satisfaction Survey. Please, answer honestly."

"Employee survey?" Egel muttered, looking at the paper.

"Tell me," Brenda said, pacing slowly in front of the girls. "Does your current 'Leader' provide you with comprehensive health insurance? What happens if you are cursed by a banshee during a night raid? Does he cover the clerical fees for the dispel magic, or does it come out of your cut of the loot?"

Lucretia nervously adjusted her glasses, looking down. "Well... usually, Sir Nick says the honor of fighting by his side is our reward, that one day he will marry us and make us bear his children, and... and we have to buy our own potions..."

"Fascinating. A clear violation of basic occupational hazard compensation," Brenda noted, scribbling on her clipboard. "And what about overtime? You are frequently forced to explore damp, dangerous dungeons at three in the morning. Are you paid time-and-a-half for nocturnal deployments?"

Luna’s pointed ears twitched. She crossed her arms, her stoic facade breaking to reveal genuine annoyance. "We don't get paid at all. He manages all the finances 'for the good of the party'."

"Financial abuse and wage theft," Brenda tutted loudly, shaking her head. "And what about Paid Time Off? Do you get personal days? Does he offer paid menstrual leave for female combatants, or does he force you to fight Ogres while dealing with severe abdominal cramps?"

Egel’s eyes went wide. She looked at Brenda, then looked down at Nick, who was still sobbing on the asphalt. "Wait... we can get paid time off for that? I fought a Minotaur last month while I had cramps so bad I wanted to die. Nick just told me to 'smile more for the people!"

"That is a toxic, highly abusive work environment," Brenda declared, handing each of the girls a glossy Ravenloft Holdings brochure. "At Ravenloft Holdings, our CEO firmly believes that a rested employee is a lethal employee. We offer full medical coverage, including curse removal and limb regeneration. We offer twenty-eight days of paid vacation. We have a 401k matching program, and we provide properly fitted, ergonomically sound armor."

She shot a pointed, disdainful look at Lucretia’s flimsy, cleavage-baring robes. "We do not force our employees into humiliating fanservice attire unless they specifically request it in writing."

The girls looked at the brochures. The benefits were staggering. It was everything they had ever dreamed of in a harsh, unforgiving fantasy world.

"H-Hey!" Nick shrieked, scrambling to his feet, his face pale with absolute terror as he realized what was happening. "What are you doing?! Don't listen to her! You are my party! You belong to me! We are bound by destiny!"

"Destiny does not pay the rent, Mr. Nick," Brenda countered coldly. She looked at the girls. "The choice is yours, ladies. Remain as underpaid, under-appreciated accessories to a tax evader who is about to have all his assets seized... or join a multinational corporation that values your specific skill sets."

Nick’s ego didn't just shatter; it disintegrated into fine powder. His harem, the very foundation of his identity and his stream's popularity, was actually reading the enemy's recruitment pamphlets with genuine, concentrated interest. Lucretia was tracing the 'Dental Plan' section with a trembling finger. Egel was nodding approvingly at the 'Paid Overtime' clause.

"NO!" Nick screamed, dropping to his knees again and crawling toward Brenda, grabbing the hem of her immaculate pencil skirt. "Please! I'll do anything! Just... just don't take them! Don't take my gear! If I lose my sword and my party, I'm nothing! The stream will drop me! The King will execute me!"

Brenda looked down at him with an expression of pure, unadulterated disgust. She gently kicked his hands away with her stiletto.

"Pathetic," she whispered. Then, she reached into her blazer one final time. She pulled out a single, thick parchment document that glowed with a binding, magical golden light.

"You are in luck, Hero," Brenda stated, her voice returning to its cold, professional baseline. "CEO Mordecai is a merciful man. He is willing to offer you an out-of-court settlement."

'Morde..cai?'

She dropped the document onto the asphalt in front of Nick, tossing a sleek black fountain pen on top of it.

"This is a magically binding Non-Disclosure Agreement," Brenda explained. "If you sign this, you swear upon your soul, your magic, and your life that you and your party will never speak of Sir Galadron, the village of Renea, or the return of the original Dark Lord, Aldmax. You will tell the King you found nothing. You will tell the world the border is safe and that Kaitoyama wasn't a monster. Instead, he was just a lonely man who wanted to feel the love of the Saintess because of his deep pain."

Nick stared at the glowing contract. "And... and if I sign it?"

"If you sign it," Brenda smiled thinly, "Ravenloft Holdings will 'defer' your tax debt indefinitely. The System will lift the forfeiture warning. And, as a gesture of goodwill, I will withdraw my recruitment offers to your... staff. You get to keep your sword, your girls, and your pathetic illusion of heroism. But you will be our silent, complicit little dog. Forever."

Nick looked back at Oakhaven. He looked at his party, who were still eyeing the brochures wistfully. He looked at the System pop-up hovering above him, threatening to strip him of everything he was.

He had no choice. He couldn't fight a contract. He couldn't punch an audit.

With shaking hands, tears of pure, concentrated humiliation streaming down his face and dripping onto the asphalt, Nick picked up the pen. He pressed the nib to the parchment and signed his name.

The moment the ink dried, the contract flared with a brilliant golden light, wrapping around Nick’s wrist like an invisible shackle before sinking into his skin. The System pop-up vanished. The debt was deferred.

"A pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Nick," Brenda purred, snatching the contract off the ground and sliding it into her folder. She turned around, walking back to her mahogany desk. "The toll barrier is open. Have a safe trip back to the capital. And remember... we are always watching your tax returns."

After that, Nick and his harem began walking in silence towards the capital.

No one even spoke a single word. Luna was launching occasional glances at Nick, while Egel and Lucretia were seriously talking about the offer.